No Mrs Spy, No Little Spies
by LanieSullivan
Summary: Based on the conversation in "Reach For the Sky" in which L/A are talking about her being a Kappa and Lee breaking into the Kappa house. What if they had met in college during a time that Amanda and Joe had broken up, had a brief romance resulting in Lee being Phillip's father, unknown to Amanda, who makes up with Joe and still marries him. Begins in 1972 and and will go to 1987
1. 1972

Author's Note: This is an idea that has been rattling around in my head ever since the scene in "Reach For the Sky" when Lee and Amanda were talking about him breaking into the Kappa house and the fact that Amanda was a Kappa. That got me to thinking, what if Lee and Amanda had met in college? That would certainly explain why, out of all the people in the train station, Lee picked Amanda to give the package to and why she was willing to take it. It also would explain why in "The First Time," they both seemed so comfortable dancing so closely for two people who supposedly just met. Those thoughts led to other questions. Why was Amanda so unwilling to talk to Lee about what went wrong in her marriage when she talked to him about everything else? What exactly was Amanda doing with Jim Saarinan in 1976 when she was still married to Joe and why would it draw the attention of The Agency? What really went wrong with their marriage? Isn't it very coincidental that Phillip resembles Lee more than he resembles Joe? Why was it that Lee was so easily able to bond with Phillip and not with Jamie? This fic is an attempt to answer all those questions and a few others. I should warn anyone reading, this is completely AU and may not be to some people's liking, especially in the portrayal of a twenty-something Amanda, but I feel it explains a lot about the character of Lee Stetson.

I want to give a special thanks to AbbyGibbs and JennieJoy72 both of whom have been my test audience for this work since it is so outside the mainstream.

**June 1972**

Amanda West sat in her room at the Kappa house brooding. Tears filled her eyes as she glanced at the bare ring finger on her left hand. Could it be possible that just twenty-four hours ago, she'd been so happy? She was graduating from college a week from tomorrow and two weeks from today, she was supposed to be getting married. She was still graduating, but she was no longer getting married. She cringed as she thought back to the fight she and Joe had last night.

_"Don't forget, you've got your final tux fitting on Sunday," Amanda said cheerfully as they left the restaurant where they'd just had dinner._

_'Ugh," Joe groaned._

_"What's the matter," Amanda said worriedly._

_"I'm just not looking forward to one more day of standing stock-still while being used as a human pin cushion."_

_"Oh, come on, you wouldn't have been stuck with pins that last time if you'd have just held still long enough for the tailor. He didn't intentionally stick you, you know?"_

_"I know," he admitted. "It's not just that. It's this whole damn thing that bugs me, the tux, the caterers, the photographers, all this crap."_

_Amanda took offense to that. "This whole damn thing, as you put it, is our wedding. Doesn't that mean something to you?"She said, her temper flaring._

_"The wedding, no," He said. "I don't see why we can't have just a quiet, simple wedding, just close family and friends and be done with it."_

_"So, you're saying you don't care about our wedding? I seem to recall you were pretty gung-ho about it, oh, about six months or so ago, when you asked me to marry you," Amanda replied hotly getting madder by the minute._

_"I am gung-ho about marrying you. I want to marry you; you know that. I just...I guess...I just didn't realize that it would be this much...or this soon."_

_"This soon?"Amanda questioned. "You're the one who suggested a summer wedding when it would be warm."_

_"Yeah, but I didn't necessarily mean this summer. Your mother decided that all on her own." _

_"Hey, don't you go blaming my mother just because you're getting cold feet. If you don't want to marry me, you should never have asked me."_

_"I never said I didn't want to marry you. I'm just thinking that maybe we should wait a while. I mean, you haven't even graduated college yet and I just graduated last week."_

_"That's only a week away," Amanda pointed out. "That's why we set the date when we did, so it would be after graduation."_

_"Yes, and you'll be done with school, but I won't be. I'm starting law school at Georgetown in the fall, remember?"_

_"Yes, I know. We've made all our plans around it. We even found an apartment in the city for that very reason and I've already got a job lined up teaching English as a Second Language with the learning annex."_

_"That's part of the problem. You'll be working and supporting me when it should be the other way around."_

_"That's a very old-fashioned idea that a man has to support a woman. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself, you know," Amanda said feeling insulted. "I don't plan to be the "little woman" that you have to take care of"_

_"I know that, Amanda," Joe said. "That's not what I meant."_

_"What's really going on here?"_

_"I don't know, Amanda. The more I think about it, the more I think that maybe we should wait a while to get married, postpone the wedding until I graduate."_

_"Nice of you to tell me this now that my mother's made all the plans, lined up the church, rented a reception hall, mailed out invitations, the whole works."_

_"Well, who asked her to? God, you're an adult for Christ's sake! Why does she have to stick her nose in our business?"_

_"She's just trying to be a supportive mother, which is a hell of a lot more than I can say for your mother."_

_"What's this got to do with my mother?"_

_"Haven't you ever noticed the way she treats me like I'm just some gold digger out to marry a rich lawyer?"_

_"Oh, that's ridiculous, Amanda. She loves you."_

_"No, she doesn't. I doubt she'd love anyone she thought would take her precious boy away from her. Look, why don't we just leave both of our mothers out of this? This isn't about either of them. This is about you and me. Here's the thing, if you don't want to marry me now, you're never going to want to marry me. What exactly is it that you think is going to change in three years when you graduate from law school?"_

_"Would you quit saying that? I still want to marry you, just not right now," Joe said. "You know what, you don't understand. Just forget it, I'm done!"_

_"No, I'm done!"Amanda shouted as she wrenched the diamond ring from her finger and flung it at him before turning on her heel and storming away, tears streaming down her face that only increased when he made no effort to follow her._

Amanda's thoughts were interrupted by her sorority sisters, Kitty Hokem and Barbara Taylor entering the room all giggles. They each grabbed her by one arm and dragged her off her bed.

"What are you guys doing?" she protested.

"We are getting you out of this room," her best friend, Kitty said. "You have been holed up in here last night, moping over your break-up with Joe and as you best friend, I can't allow that."

"Absolutely," Barbara said enthusiastically. "It's time to get back on the horse."

"And exactly which horse would that be, Barbie," Amanda said warily. She knew exactly how many "horses" she'd ridden.

"Does it matter?" Barbie said with a giggle. "As they say, a horse is horse, of course, of course."

"There will be plenty of horses to choose from at Delta Sig's pre-graduation party tonight and _you_ are going with us to find one," Kitty said.

"No," Amanda argued. "I'm not in the mood for a party tonight. Not after what happened."

"That is exactly why you need a party," Kitty said. "It'll get your mind off it. Think about it, free booze, boys, music, dancing..."

"...boys," Barbie said. "Come on, this is going to be the last party of your college career. Next week, we'll all be out of here. We should have one last night to enjoy being young before we have to join the real world and be responsible adults."

Amanda knew instantly what Barbie meant when talking about enjoying being young and cringed a little. She wasn't a prude by any means. She and Joe had slept together, after all, but she believed that you had to feel something for a guy before jumping into bed with him. Even though she didn't approve of Barbie's free love attitude, she did have to admit that she made a good point. This _was_ going to be the last party of the year, since final exams were this week, followed by graduation next weekend. "All right," she conceded, but she had no intention of "getting back on the horse." She just wasn't interested in casual sex.

"Good, now get yourself cleaned up and wear something that'll have every guy at that party drooling over you. We're going to make Joe King regret ever letting a catch like you go."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

An hour later, she had to admit, her friends were right. She _was_ enjoying herself. She'd had a couple of beers and had danced with her friends. While it didn't take the pain of her break-up away, it did help keep her mind occupied so that she wasn't dwelling on it so much. She was just leaving the dance floor where she'd being dancing with her girlfriends to hit the bar again and couldn't help but smile as she noticed all the fraternity guys gaping at her as she walked by them. Her friends had been unwilling to let her hide behind her normal conservative wardrobe, so she was wearing a halter top of Barbie's paired with a bright multi-colored wrap skirt of Kitty's. A few guys had flirted with her since she'd been there and she'd been flattered enough by the attention that she'd casually flirted back but had always returned to the safety of her friends before it could go any further than that. She'd turned down every guy that asked her to dance, stating that she was having a girls' night with her sorority sisters.

As she reached the bar, a stocky guy who already had the beginnings of a beer gut sidled up to her and slurred, "Hey, Beautiful, how 'bout I buy you a drink?"

Amanda glared at him and said pointedly, "The drinks are free," before turning back to the bartender. She shook her head thinking he'd obviously started the party a little early.

"Then, how about a dance," He said scooting closer to her. "I saw you dancing out there and you looked...hot. Smokin' hot."

"No, thank you," she said still trying to be polite as she turned again and asked the bartender for another beer.

The drunken frat boy became more aggressive, grabbed her arm and said, "Jus' one dance."

"The lady said no," a husky make voice said from behind her taking the brute's hand forcefully from Amanda's arm. "Now, take a hike, Pal." The guy looked at him challengingly, but when he saw that steely gaze in the other young man's eyes, decided not to take any chances.

Amanda turned and found herself staring into the most beautiful eyes she'd ever seen on a man. "I...um...I don't know...um...what to say...thank you," she stammered nervously.

"You're welcome," He said giving her a warm smile flashing the most adorable dimples at her, his eyes sparkling. "I'm Lee," he said offering her his hand.

"Amanda," she replied as she reached for his offered hand and felt a jolt of electricity at the simple contact. She released his hand quickly and looked up at him. _Oh my, _she thought. She couldn't get lost in that smile, those eyes. Bedroom eyes, her mother would call them.

"Is this yours," he said gesturing to the cup the bartended had just set down.

"Um...yeah," Amanda said but made no effort to reach for it still mesmerized by the young man in front of her.

"Can I get one too?" he said to the bartender. That was actually what he'd come over there for until he saw this poor girl being hassled and had felt the need to step in. The bartender poured another beer. Lee reached for both of them and handed one to her. "Here you go."

"Thanks," she said gratefully, finally tearing herself away from his gaze. "And thank you for the rescue."

"My pleasure," he said with a smile as they turned away from the bar together. "So, you're a Kappa," he said indicating the necklace she was wearing bearing the Greek letters.

"Um, yeah," she said nervously. "I'm...just here with a couple of my sisters. They insisted that I needed a night out."

"You don't sound too enthused," Lee said as he noticed a hint of sadness in her eyes wondering what was behind it.

"Well, I...uh...just broke up with someone and..." her voice trailed off as her heartbreak threatened to overwhelm her again.

"I'm sorry," Lee said guiltily noticing that his question had brought more sadness to her face. "I didn't mean to pry."

"No, it's ok. In a way, they're right. This is something I have to get over. It's just...it's so...so soon. It just happened last night."

"Well, for what it's worth, the guy must be an idiot. If you were _my_ girl, I'd never be able to take my eyes off you, let alone let you get away," he said sincerely.

Amanda blushed slightly at the way he was looking at her. "That's very sweet. Thank you."

"Listen, I should let you get back to your girlfriends," he said. "I didn't mean to intrude on your girls' night out." He'd seen her turn down every guy in the place who'd hit on her with the reasoning that she was hanging out with her friends.

Amanda frowned slightly, not really wanting to leave his company just yet. He was the first guy she'd seen in the whole place tonight who hadn't looked at her as if he wanted to devour her. "What if that goon comes back? Who'd rescue me then," she teased. "The girls may be supportive friends, but they're not much good at threatening big, dumb jocks."

"Hey, not all of us jocks are dumb, you know," He teased.

"Sorry," she said sheepishly. It was then that she remembered she'd seen him on the football field. "You play football, right?"

"Well, I did. Season's over now," he reminded her. "Speaking of which, haven't I seen you on the top of the pyramid a time or two?" He knew he had. He'd noticed her at every game, cheering harder than all the other cheerleaders combined, and when performing at half time, he couldn't help but notice her agility during their routines. He couldn't help but wonder if she put that enthusiasm and agility to work in _all _her activities. If she did, then that guy who'd broken her heart was most definitely a moron.

"Yeah, that's me. Head cheerleader," Amanda said with a chuckle. "But that's over too with graduation next weekend. Not for you, though. You just started this year, didn't you?" She'd been a cheerleader all four years and she didn't recall seeing him until this year.

"Here at UVA, yeah, but I'm graduating too. I transferred from another school this past fall. This is my last hurrah," he said.

They had made it back to the dance floor at this point where Amanda noticed her friends had occupied themselves in her absence each now dancing with a guy. "Well, it seems my friends didn't miss me," she said gesturing toward Kitty and Barbie.

"Their loss is my gain," Lee said with a smile. "Maybe you'd like to join in...With me, I mean?" he said nervously. _Damn, what is it about her that makes me so nervous? _He thought. He'd done this before and he was usually a lot smoother than this with the ladies. "No...Never mind...you said you weren't interested with that drunken lout. I don't know what I was thinking."

"I said no to him, but you don't appear to be a drunken lout. I'd love to dance with you."

"Good," he said with a smile. They set their drinks down on a nearby table. He then took her hand and led her to the dance floor. He took her in his arms and they swayed to the music.

Amanda felt more relaxed than she had been since the whole blow-up with Joe had started. The man holding her had been so attentive, but not in the leering, seductive way that the other guys at the party had been. It was nice just to be held. She felt a little shudder go through her as his hand moved slightly from her waist to her lower back where her skin was bared by the halter she wore. "This is nice," she said gazing up at him.

"You haven't seen anything yet," he said as he grabbed her and dramatically dipped her causing her to squeal.

"Wow," she said as he stood her upright again, the heady sensation of being in his arms making her feel a little dizzy with anticipation. She'd never imagined that she could feel this much attraction to a guy she'd just met, especially since she and Joe had just split last night.

Kitty and Barbie had noticed the interaction and Barbie yelled, "Go for it, Amanda!"

"Your friend," Lee said with a chuckle.

"Yeah," Amanda said a little embarrassed. "Sorry, about that. She's insisting that I need to get back out there and get back on the horse.

"Well, knowing her, there aren't too many horses she hasn't ridden," Lee said sarcastically.

"Oh, you know her?" Amanda said wondering if he'd been one of them.

"Not really," Lee said. "I just know_ of_ her. It's fitting that her name is Barbie, like the doll. The guys in the locker room call her Easy Rider Barbie."

Amanda laughed heartily and said, "No, they don't." She playfully slapped at him.

"Yes, they do," he said.

"Ok, yes, she _does _have a reputation, but aside from that, she has a really good heart. She's joining the Peace Corps right after graduation. She wants to help people."

"Well, she's already helped me," Lee said.

"Oh? How so," she asked with a twinkle in her eye.

He pulled her closer and whispered in her ear, "She brought you to the party."

"So, you and she..."

"No," Lee answered right away before she could finish the question. "Not my type. I'm not interested in girls who throw themselves at guys. I prefer to get to know a girl, you know, talk," He paused then whispered low against her skin, "...Maybe a little romance."

Amanda sighed as she felt Lee nuzzle her neck lightly, but the spell was soon broken as the music changed to a more up-tempo song. Amanda pulled herself from his arms, but couldn't help looking up into his eyes. He was staring at her intently. "You know, this song's not really great for a couple to dance to. No romance," she said throwing his words back in his face.

Lee couldn't help but laugh. "Well, how about we take a walk then? Find someplace that's a little quieter so we can talk."

"That sounds nice," she said with a smile.

They grabbed their beer cups. Lee placed his free hand on the small of her back, guided her through the crowded room and out of the party area until they reached the fraternity house's dining room. He held out a chair for her and helped her sit then took a seat opposite her, not wanting to crowd her.

Amanda was finding it a little difficult to breathe. She'd felt so comfortable, so relaxed in Lee's arms on the dance floor, but now she was overcome with an incredible sense of guilt, feeling like she was cheating on Joe. _No, he made his choice, _she argued with herself.

Lee couldn't help but notice the troubled look on her face. "So, do you want to talk about it? The break-up, I mean?" Maybe if she got it out, and could start to heal, he'd be gifted with her beautiful smile again.

"There's not really much to talk about. We were supposed to be getting married in two weeks and now we're not," she said simply.

"Wow, that's a sudden shift," he said. "You're planning a wedding and all of a sudden, it's over, just like that?" He couldn't believe that a guy who was going to be lucky enough to have this amazingly beautiful woman be his for the rest of his life had been stupid enough to let her go.

Amanda sighed. She really did need someone to talk to and while her girlfriends had been supportive, they hadn't really wanted to hear all the details. They were more interested in making sure that she wasn't dwelling on it and wanted to see her move on. Of course, they'd never thought that Joe was the catch that her mother thought he was even if he was going to be a lawyer some day. Before she knew it, she was spilling her guts, telling him all the sordid details leading up to her tossing the ring at her now ex-fiancé'. "...And the worst part of it is, that he didn't even try to stop me. That doesn't say a lot about his feelings for me," she finished with a sigh.

"Well, it's his loss," Lee said as he reached for her hand across the table and squeezed it comfortingly. He was struck by how much that light touch jolted him. He would like nothing better than to be the one she had those kind of feelings for. Before the conversation could continue, they were interrupted by one of Lee's fraternity brothers and his girl bursting in falling all over each other. "Let's get out of here," Lee said rising from the table and reaching for her hand.

"Where do you suggest we go," Amanda said as she took his hand.

"My room, maybe," he suggested hoping he wasn't sounding too forward. He knew how some of his brothers could be, that they would invite a girl to their room for just one thing. He had no doubt that Amanda, being a sorority girl would know their reputation as well. "Just to talk, I mean."

Alarm bells rang violently in Amanda's head, but she shook them off. He had said it was just to talk and it would be a lot quieter with less chance of being interrupted. _Besides_, she argued with herself, _He had been chivalrous enough to rescue me from one of his brothers. Surely, that was a sign that he wasn't your typical frat boy just out to get laid. _"Lead the way," she said with more confidence than she felt. Would it really be so bad even if things did progress between them? He'd been so sweet and there was no denying there was an intense attraction between them. Besides, Joe made his choice. It was interesting to her that Lee had said the same thing her friends had, that it was Joe's loss.

They walked hand in hand up the stairs and when they entered the room, Lee hesitated, suddenly thinking that this was a bad idea. "You'll...um...have to excuse the mess," He said as set his cup down, picked up a pile of clothes from the loveseat situated against one wall and dropped them into a laundry basket in the corner of the room. "With finals coming up, I've been a bit lax about cleaning up the place."

"It's ok; my room's kind of a mess for the same reason," as she took a seat on the now cleared loveseat."My mother would cringe if she saw it," she said as she drained the last of her beer and stared down into the empty cup.

Lee looked at her nervously as he too, emptied his cup. He wanted to sit next to her, but wasn't sure if he should. She was vulnerable right now and he didn't want her to think that he was trying to take advantage of the situation. "Looks like you're empty," he said awkwardly.

"Yeah," she said.

"Maybe we should have stopped by the bar again before coming up here. I don't have any beer up here."

Amanda nodded toward the liquor bottles lined up on a shelf on the opposite wall and said, "Maybe something a little stronger then. The way I feel right now, I could use it."

"Sure," Lee said as he walked to the shelf and pulled down a bottle of scotch. He preferred it to beer anyway. He normally only drank beer at parties like this. He reached for Amanda's cup and poured a drink for her and for himself, placing the bottle on a small end table on Amanda's side of the loveseat reaching over her as he did so.

Amanda hadn't even taken a drink of the amber liquid and she already felt intoxicated, not by the beer she'd drunk, but by the nearness of him, his scent overpowering her. All too soon, he moved away standing opposite her. "You can sit down, you know," she said invitingly as she took a sip of her drink for courage. Her friends had told her to get back on the horse and this guy was someone she definitely felt like she could do that with. _Stop it, Amanda, _she scolded herself.

Lee swallowed hard and took a healthy swig of his drink before sitting down next to her. He wasn't sure being that close to her was a good idea. He felt an undeniable attraction to her, more than he had to any other girl he'd ever met. "So, your ex, he just let you walk away?" he said trying to remind himself that she was wounded and fragile.

Amanda nodded and said, "But I don't really want to talk about him anymore. I feel like I've been monopolizing the conversation all night. Why don't you tell me a little bit about yourself?"

"Where do you want me to start?"

"I don't know. Where are from?"

"That's a tough question to answer. I was born in DC, but I grew up a little bit of everywhere," he said and began to tell her tales of being dragged all over the world by his uncle. During his storytelling, they'd shared a couple more drinks, their cups being refilled as soon as they were emptied. They'd both kicked off their shoes and were just relaxing as they talked, facing each other. Lee had rested his arm on the back of the loveseat, his fingers barely grazing Amanda's shoulder.

"Where were your parents?"She asked in concern sensing some sadness in him as he talked about his childhood.

"They're dead. They died when I was only five," he said but didn't elaborate.

"Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that," Amanda said genuinely as she affectionately patted his knee. "I don't know what I would have done if I didn't have my parents growing up."

"Well, I still turned out ok," Lee said shrugging it off. He didn't want to dwell on the past. He was more interested in Amanda's hand on his leg, his hand on her shoulder. He couldn't believe that such a simple, comforting touch could turn him on so much.

Amanda wasn't convinced that that was all there was to it. She sensed some deep-seated pain in him, but didn't want to pry. She'd just met him after all. "So, what are your plans after graduation?" she asked changing the subject to safer territory.

"I haven't really decided yet," he lied. He couldn't really tell her what his plans were even though he wanted to. He'd only just met her, but he already felt like he could trust her. He'd planned from the time he was a young boy to follow his parents' example, but he knew that meant a life of secrecy, even from people he cared about and he was already beginning to care about Amanda. Maybe if things progressed between them and he felt that they could build something that he was sure would be permanent, he would tell her the truth. He had this instinct that he could trust her with his life, but he also didn't want to scare her off. He knew what he planned to do would be dangerous, but he felt he had to do it. "I know that right after graduation, I'm going to visit my uncle for a while. After that, who knows?"

"You don't have a solid plan for your future?"

"The only future I see is right here," he said the scotch giving him more courage than he'd normally have had. He took Amanda's cup from her hand and placed both cups on the table next to her, as there wasn't one on the other side, bringing her in close contact with her again. Before he could stop himself, he knelt in front of her and lowered his lips to hers relishing the contact.

Amanda leaned into his kiss sliding one hand up to caress his face and the other to the back of his head tangling her fingers in his hair as their kiss deepened. She opened her mouth to his as they explored each other. She savored the bittersweet taste of the scotch on his lips. She felt his hands roaming up and down her bare back that was exposed by the halter-top she wore, electrified by his touch.

Lee was elated to feel Amanda responding to him so eagerly and moved in closer wanting to feel every inch of her. Before he knew it, he was on his back on the floor with her lying atop him pressing herself into him. God, she was amazing. How could her fiancé' have ever tossed her aside? That thought crossing his mind hit him like a truckload of dynamite. He pushed her off him. "Amanda, stop," he said breathlessly as he pulled himself to his feet walking across the room from her. "We shouldn't do this. You just broke up with someone and you're needy."

"Yes, I am," she said honestly. "And right now, what I _need_ more than anything is to feel wanted." She closed the distance between them and kissed him firmly as she wrapped her arms around his neck to urge him to continue what they'd started.

Lee didn't know if it was the liquor or just the intoxication of being around her, but he couldn't' resist giving into her. He reached for the ties on her top and undid them swiftly before lowering her to his bed. The rest of the night was a blur of sensations as they kissed, touched, teased and explored each other, learning all the things that turned each other on. He found the very sensitive spot at base of her neck just above her collarbone while she found his right below his ear. He lost count of how many times they made love that night. All he knew was that he couldn't stop touching her, couldn't get enough of her. They made love repeatedly until they were both too exhausted to move and fell into a deep sleep wrapped up in each other.

Just before dawn, Amanda woke with a start realizing she was in a strange bed. She tried to move, but found a heavy arm draped across her holding her in place. It was then that all the memories of the previous night came flooding back. She cringed at the thought that she'd just spent the night with a guy she'd only known for a few hours. What a guy he was, though. He'd listened attentively as she'd told him of her heartbreak and they'd talked for a long time. Had he done that only to get her into this position? _No, _she told herself firmly. He'd tried to stop it, to cool things down and she'd pushed. She had wanted him so fiercely, more than she'd ever wanted any guy and the result had been incredible, her body pleasantly numb from the previous night's activities. He'd invoked feelings in her she'd never thought she was capable of feeling. She knew, though, that he was not the kind of guy she could have a real future with, no matter how great the sex was. He didn't even have a real plan for his own future. She wriggled out from his grasp trying not to wake him. She slipped out of bed and quickly gathered up her scattered clothing, dressing as quietly as she could. She was about to leave, when it occurred to her that as kind as he'd been to her, she should at least give him some kind of good-bye. She searched the piles of stuff on his desk until she found a steno pad and a pen. She hastily jotted a note and hurried out the door.


	2. 1973

**March 1973**

Amanda King was exhausted, but elated as she held her newborn son in her arms. She looked down at his tiny face and found herself hypnotized by the alertness in his beautiful hazel eyes. Hazel eyes that she couldn't help but think she'd briefly fallen in love with last June when she and Joe had temporarily split up. She closed her eyes at the memory of that fiery night. During her pregnancy, she'd been sure that Joe was her baby's father, certain that her son had been conceived on their honeymoon, now looking at him, she wasn't so sure.

She was broken out of her trance by her husband's voice.

"Hi. How's everybody doing?" Joe King said.

"Hi, Sweetheart," she said. "Come meet your son." she patted the space on the hospital bed beside her.

Joe smiled as he gingerly sat down at his wife's bedside gazing at the bundle in her arms. "He's perfect," He said.

Amanda handed the infant to her husband, showed him how to support his head. At the smile on Joe's face, she desperately hoped that she was wrong and that he was indeed the baby's father. Watching her with him and seeing the love in his eyes for this tiny child, a wave of cold fear gripped her at the idea that he may not be and what would happen if he ever found out about her encounter with Lee. Thinking those thoughts, she couldn't help but recall the events that had let up to this moment. Her mind flashed back for a moment to that night of reckless abandon she'd had with Lee. After leaving him a note, she'd thought that would be the end of it, but it hadn't been. He'd come to her sorority house the next day looking for her.

_Amanda slipped quietly into her room before anyone was awake quickly stripping out of the outfit that she believed had led to her being so brazen, along with the copious amounts of alcohol she'd consumed. As she opened her closet to dig out more appropriate attire, she glance at herself in the full-length mirror inside its door, the evidence of her night visible on her body. She had a hickey on her neck where it met her shoulder, which Lee had quickly discovered was a very sensitive spot for her. He'd used it to his advantage to drive her crazy all night. She ran her hands over her body, remembering Lee's hands on her the night before. As she examined herself, she found another one on her right breast and a third on the inside of her thigh. She flushed as she recalled Lee's mouth in that area, teasing her mercilessly, making her beg him for it, until he moved his lips to where she really wanted them. It had been well worth the wait, the way he'd nipped at her center with his lips and teeth and when he finally used his tongue, she thought she'd die from the intensity of the pleasure it created. _

_Amanda shook off the memories and dressed, donning a peasant top and ankle-length skirt that were much more her style than her friends' borrowed attire. She couldn't help wondering if she'd see him again. She hoped that she would, but she highly doubted it. She knew how frat boys were. Most of them, once they'd gotten what they wanted, were no longer interested. She couldn't help but think that Lee was different. He'd talked of getting to know her, of romance. There had definitely been romance involved during their night together. It hadn't just been about the sex. When he had made love to her, he'd done it with such reverence, she felt as if he was worshipping every inch of her. It really didn't matter. She'd probably never hear from him again._

_As she finished dressing, she noticed early morning sunlight peeking through her window and glanced at the clock. The dining hall would just be getting ready to start serving breakfast and by the time she walked there, they'd be open. It struck her then how hungry she was, plus she could use a serious jolt of java to shake off the headache that had formed because of her indulgence last night. She quickly slipped on her shoes and a lightweight cardigan and made her way out the door._

_As she descended the stairs, she was soon accosted by her two best friends, each linking an arm with hers._

_"So, spill," Barbie said exuberantly. "I wanna' hear all the details."_

_"What details," Amanda said evasively._

_"You and Lee," Barbie answered. "I've heard he's quite talented, if you know what I mean. I never have been able to find out for myself, though."_

_Amanda chuckled softly as she thought of Lee's comments about her the night before and said, "I don't know what details you're talking about."_

_"Oh, come on, Amanda," Kitty said. "We saw the way you were dancing with him and then you disappeared for the rest of the night. Plus, Sandy swore she saw you going upstairs with him. Come on, dish. You slept with him, didn't you?"_

_"Oh, yes," she said blushing furiously. _

_"Is he as good as they say he is?"Barbie asked._

_"Well, I don't know. I've never heard what they say about him," Amanda said not wanting to share the intimate details. She'd never been one to kiss and tell._

_"Are you going to see him again? He's awfully cute," Kitty said._

_There was no denying he was attractive, she'd noticed that the first time she saw him on the football field. They had just reached the front door and were about to exit the house when they found the subject of their conversation standing on the porch, a folded paper in his hand._

_"Hi," Lee said nervously. "I was just about to knock."_

_"Come on, Barbie, Let's go get some breakfast," Kitty said grabbing her friend by the arm before her bluntness could make Amanda uncomfortable._

_Amanda grimaced when her friends took off removing her safety net. "What are you doing here?" she asked as she stepped out onto the porch and closed the door behind her_

_"Looking for an explanation for this," he said indicating the note in his hand. He read aloud, "Lee, thank you for last night. I'm grateful that you were there for me. Take care of yourself. Amanda." He looked at her sternly. "Why does this sound like a good-bye to me?"_

_"Because that's what it is," Amanda said bluntly. "I know how you fraternity guys are. Once you get what you want from a woman, you move on. I just figured I'd save you the trouble."_

_Lee was deeply wounded by her words. "Is that what you think of me? I thought I more than proved to you last night that I'm not like those guys. I'm not some lothario that's just out to get some and get gone. Weren't you listening to me when I said that I like to get to know a woman, that I value romance?"_

_"Yes, I was listening, but I know how guys will say anything they want to get a woman to go to bed with them."_

_"That wasn't just some line," he said angrily. He shook his head, shoved her note in his pocket and then reached for her hands, taking both of hers in his and said in a softer tone. "I meant every word and I would really like to get to know you better."_

_She smiled at the thought, at the warm pressure of his hands in hers and softened her expression. "What did you have in mind?"_

_"How about we talk over breakfast? Not at the dining hall, though, someplace where we can talk in private."_

_"Just breakfast?"She said warily._

_"Yes," he said. "Just breakfast, well, and talking, if you're up for it."_

_"I'd like that," she said._

_"Good," He said releasing her hands and linking his arm with hers leading her down the steps of the porch. "I know this great little place just off-campus that has the most amazing omelets. My car's right here." He gestured toward the silver Porsche parked at the curb._

_"That's your car," Amanda said, her eyes widening, "Pretty fancy for a college student."_

_"Don't get too excited, it's nine years old and I worked four summers in crap jobs to save up the money to buy it. I've only had it a couple of months."_

_"Well, you're doing better than me," Amanda said. "I don't even have a car." She smiled as Lee held open the car door for her and waited until she was safely inside before closing it behind her. He really was a gentleman. That was so rare these days. _

_They chatted on the drive to the restaurant, Amanda telling him about her parents in Arlington while Lee told her more tales of his travels with his uncle. In what seemed like no time, they'd arrived at their destination, a roadside diner that she thought looked like it ought to be condemned. Amanda looked at him skeptically as they got out of the car and said, "This is the great place you were talking about?" She'd seen it before, but by the looks of it, she'd avoided it like the plague._

_"It may not look like much on the outside, but the family who owns it has taken good care of it on the inside. They told me they bought it last year and they've been working on getting it cleaned up. They have amazing food too. It's like getting a home-cooked meal," he said with a smile. "At least give it a try before you make judgments."_

_Amanda glanced at Lee and nodded, allowing herself to be led inside and was surprised to find it was clean and brightly lit. They sat in a booth across from each other and she couldn't help but notice how happy he looked. The way he was smiling, she got the sense that home cooking wasn't something he'd gotten a lot of growing up on military bases. If things continued between them, she'd have to make sure to change that. "This isn't so bad," she commented as a waitress came over to take their order. _

_"We're going to need a barrel of coffee," Lee said to the waitress sensing that his date needed it just as much as he did after the drinking they'd done the night before. _

_"So, what's good to eat here?"Amanda asked._

_"The western omelet is my favorite," Lee said. _

_"Ok, I'll trust you," Amanda said. She was beginning to feel like she could trust him with anything. _

_Lee ordered for them and reached across the table for her hand. "So, what are your plans after graduation?"_

_"I guess I'm not sure now," Amanda said hesitantly. "Joe and I had an apartment all lined up in Georgetown where he was going to go to law school and I was going to take a teaching job in the area. I guess now, I'll just go home to Arlington until I figure out my next move." The waitress brought them two steaming mugs of coffee. She removed her hand from his as she added sugar to her cup to distract herself from the unpleasant thoughts that just struck her._

_Lee cringed a little at his thoughtlessness in asking the question. He'd been so excited to be with her that he'd forgotten for a moment that she'd been planning to get married right after graduation. "Well, just because the wedding's off, that doesn't mean you can't still take the job. You still have your own future to think about."_

_"Yeah, you're right," she said. "Maybe I will still take the job."_

_"Either way you go, it might work out nicely for us," Lee said. "I won't be too far away. I'll be in Quantico. That's only about a forty-five minute drive away."_

_"I thought you said you didn't have any clear plans for the future," she teased._

_"I'm sorry," Lee said. "I didn't mean to lie to you. I just wasn't sure I should share that much with a girl I just met. The girls I've dated in the past have gotten a little skittish when I tell them what I want to do for a living."_

_"So, Quantico," Amanda said thinking of the Marine Corps base there. "Military, like your uncle?"_

_"No, I've been accepted to the FBI training academy," Lee said with a bright smile clearly excited about it._

_"Wow, that's quite an accomplishment for someone who hasn't yet graduated college," Amanda said. "I've heard the competition is pretty stiff."_

_"That's where the advantage of living all over the world comes in handy. I speak French, Dutch and Russian, that and the fact that I'll soon have a criminology degree helped too."_

_"So, you want to be an FBI agent?"_

_"Um...yeah," Lee said. He really didn't. He was actually more interested in the CIA, like his father, but that was even harder to get into that the FBI. He figured the FBI training would be a way to make a name for himself and get his foot in the door._

_"Isn't that a little dangerous?" Amanda said in concern._

_"That's why they put you through twenty weeks of training. Besides, I already know a lot about firearms and hand-to-hand combat from growing up around the military. Aside, from that I'm in pretty decent physical shape from all the crap they put you through in football practice."_

_Amanda nodded as she recalled how easily he'd subdued the drunk who'd hit on her last night even though he was twice Lee's size. "Well, I do hope you'll be careful. I'd hate to see anything happen to you."_

_"Thanks," He said with a smile. "It means a lot that you care." He reached for her hand again squeezing it affectionately. _

_The moment was interrupted by the arrival of the waitress with her their breakfast. They unclasped their hands as Amanda said, "This looks wonderful."_

_"It really is," he said as they dug in. They ate their breakfast together chatting amiably about their future plans, neither coming right out and saying it, but both hinting that that future might include each other._

_When their breakfast was done and they'd arrived back at the Kappa house, Lee walked her to the door holding her hand tightly in his. At the thought of saying good-bye to her, Lee finally summoned up his courage to say what had been on his mind since he'd found her note this morning. "Listen, as incredible as last night was, I feel like we've done this all backwards. I would really like to see you again and try to do things the right way, take you out on a proper date. What do you say? Can I take you to dinner tonight? Around seven?"_

_"Yes, I'd enjoy that very much," she said as she reached up to caress his face with her free hand and kissed him softly. _

_Lee's heart leapt that she'd said yes so quickly and kissed him to boot. He kissed her back eagerly, then pulled back to gaze longingly into her eyes. He didn't know what it was about her that attracted him so much, but he felt that he was already falling in love with her."Tonight, then," he said giving her one more soft kiss._

While Amanda watched her husband holding the infant in front of her, she felt a little guilty for thinking about another man. She told herself that she was just being paranoid. How could you tell who a baby's father was at that stage just by looking at him? Hadn't she always been told that all babies look alike at birth. _No,_ she told herself firmly. _Joe has to be his father._ Her thoughts were once again distracted by the idea that he may not be. Unknown to her, she wasn't the only one that day reminiscing about that short-lived romance.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Lee Stetson's thoughts were interrupted by the bartender in front of him asking if he wanted another scotch. "Yeah, hit me again," He said. "I'm celebrating tonight." He'd just successfully completed Station One and would soon be starting at The Agency full-time. He couldn't believe that Harry V. Thornton himself had personally noticed his stellar work with the FBI over the past few months and wanted him to join his team. It wasn't CIA, like he'd dreamed about, but it was just as good. It would take him where he wanted to go, he was just saddened by the fact that he would be going there alone. Nine months ago, he was sure Amanda would be there to help him celebrate. _Amanda, I hope you're happy, wherever you are," _he thought as his mind once again drifted back in time.

_Lee arrived at the Kappa house promptly at seven to take her out to the promised dinner a bouquet of roses in his hand. He was greeted at the door by Amanda's annoying friend, Barbie._

_"What the hell are you doing here?"She hissed like an angry cat._

_"I'm here to pick Amanda up," he answered. "We have a date."_

_"No, you don't," she said icily. "She left you a message at your frat house telling you to get lost." _

_"What message? I never got a message," Lee said. Was it true? Was she giving him the brush off? He thought they'd had a good time and that the conversation they'd had this morning meant that she was willing to give him a shot. "Let me talk to her."_

_"Look, you were around to long enough to scratch an itch that she desperately needed to have scratched, but don't think that makes you her boyfriend. She's done with you."_

_"I'd like to hear that from her," he insisted._

_"Don't you know how to take a hint?"Barbie snarled._

_He glared at the hot-headed woman in front of him and wondered if she was this callous to her own dates after "scratching an itch", as she'd crudely put it. "Look, I just want to talk to her."_

_Barbie started to argue, but was stopped by Amanda appearing at the door. "It's ok, Barbie," Amanda said. "Go on back inside. I'll take care of this." Her friend looked at her questioningly. "It's ok." When Barbie stepped back inside, Amanda did too, gesturing for Lee to follow her. She led him up to her room where they could talk in private. She gestured toward the chair at her desk while she leaned against the door folding her arms across her chest. _

_That motion brought Lee's attention to the diamond ring she wore. He tossed the bouquet aside, leapt to his feet and reached for her left hand. "What the hell is this? I thought you were done with him!" _

_"I thought I was too," she said sadly. "He came by today shortly after you left and we talked everything out. He was just getting a case of pre-wedding jitters, but everything's ok now. The wedding's back on track."_

_Lee shook his head in disbelief. "Just like that, huh," He said despondently. "Where does that leave me? I thought you and I were heading toward something."_

_"I'm sorry, Lee. I didn't expect him to come back. I...I didn't ask for this. He came here and he was so sweet. He drove two hours from Georgetown just to apologize and he even got down on one knee to give me back my ring just like he did the day he proposed."_

_"So, what, one grand gesture and it's all forgiven? Now, you're going to spend the rest of your life with a guy who broke your heart?"_

_"I don't expect you to understand, but that's what you do when you're in love. You forgive and forget. And I do love Joe," she said. _

_"So, that slutty friend of yours was right? I was just an itch you needed scratched?" When Amanda didn't answer, he grabbed both of her arms and demanded and answer, "Tell me! Tell me that what we shared didn't mean anything to you!" _

_"It didn't," she said unconvincingly enough that he instantly knew she was lying. _

_"You're a liar, Amanda and I'm going to prove it to you," he said as he yanked her forcefully into his arms and kissed her roughly, his hands roaming underneath the top she wore. She fought him at first pushing her hands futilely against his chest as he pressed her body against the door, but he didn't let up. He softened his mouth against hers until she relented; opening to him and wrapping her arms around his neck, they way she had when they'd made love. At feeling her response, he lowered his lips to the spot on her neck where she still wore a brand from their passionate night together, knowing that tender spot drove her crazy. Lee's heart soared as Amanda gasped at the contact knowing that he was getting to her. All too soon, it was over, she pushed against his chest again, breaking their contact, and he felt the sharp sting of her hand striking his face._

_"Don't ever do that again," she cried. _

_"Don't tell me you didn't enjoy it," Lee said. "I know better. You were begging for me last night, for __**me**__, Amanda, not him!" He pulled her to him again and growled low in her ear, "When I was inside you, it was my name you were calling out repeatedly, not his. Don't try to tell me that your precious Joe ever made you feel that way." He reached behind her, turning the lock on the door as he once again crushed his mouth to hers, plundering her mouth with his tongue. This time she made no move to stop him, just yielded beneath him kissing him back with equal fervor, moaning into his mouth, as they tasted each other. He reached under her skirt for her bottom lifting her up to straddle him, wanting her to feel the evidence of his desire for her grinding against her. He braced her against the door and used one hand to tug at the top she wore, pulling it down to bare her breasts and captured one nipple in his mouth. When she cried out again, he raised his head to look deep into her eyes and whispered, "Let me make love to you again. Let me prove to you that you belong with me, not him." _

_She pulled back from him breathlessly nearly topping over as she tried to regain her balance and her composure. When she righted herself and straightened her top, she said, "Lee, stop, please. I...I can't. You don't know how much I want to, but I...I...I just can't. I'm marrying Joe in two weeks and no matter what you think, I really do love him."_

_"You may love him, but you __**want**__ me," Lee said. "I know you do. You can't tell me after the way we made love last night, the way you kissed me just now, that you don't feel something for me."_

_"Yes, I feel something for you. I can't deny that. You know I can't, but it's not enough. You can't give me what I need."_

_"That's funny because last night you said you needed to feel wanted. I thought I more that delivered that," Lee countered._

_"You did and it was wonderful and amazing and incredible, but I've been planning on getting married for six months now. I can't throw that away over one night of reckless passion."_

_"You wanna' get married so badly, marry me," He said._

_"What?"_

_"I mean it, Amanda. I've been falling for you since the first time I saw you on top of the pyramid and saw how brave you were to do something like that."_

_"You're crazy," Amanda said. "How can I marry you? We barely know each other."_

_"So, we'll get to know each other. That was the whole point of the date we were supposed to have tonight. You told me you'd give me a chance."_

_"Look, I know this is hard for you and I never meant to hurt you. If I'd thought for one second that Joe would come back, I'd never have let things go that far between us."_

_"So, now you're regretting what happened between us? Is that it? You just want to forget it ever happened?" _

_"No, I don't regret one second of the time we spent together and I'll always remember it and treasure it. I have never felt so cherished in all my life, but I can't marry you. I need stability. I want a family someday; children and I want my children to be safe. You're going into a very dangerous profession and you can't guarantee that I'll have that."_

_"Fine, you want stability, fine! Go back to your nice safe future-lawyer and have your nice safe life, but I guarantee you won't be happy! There's too much fire in you for that kind of existence."_

_"It's my decision, Lee and I have to ask you to respect that," Amanda pleaded with him._

_"You're right. It's your decision," Lee said. "I have no control over how you want to live your life, even if I think you're making a big mistake. I mean, who am I to you really? I'm just a guy you think is good enough to sleep with, but not good enough to marry. I guess you're more like your friend Easy Rider Barbie than I thought. Maybe your locker room nickname should be Randy Mandy." Lee looked at the stunned look on her face. She couldn't have looked more hurt than if he'd slapped her. Good, now maybe she'll understand how much she's hurting me. "Good-bye, Amanda," he said._

Lee shook off the painful memories. Who needs her? Thinking again about that night and the previous one had left him in dire need of a cold shower...or maybe...a distraction. He'd had many of those since the night he'd left her sorority house. He still enjoyed romancing a woman, but now there was no depth to it anymore and he made it clear from the start that he wanted no strings. He could no longer allow himself to get that attached. He glanced down to the end of the bar. There had been a petite little brunette sitting there who'd given him the eye when he walked in. She'd do for a nice distraction. He saw that she was still there. He smiled a rakish smile at her and raised his glass toward her. When she smiled back, he walked down and sat next to her. "Here alone?" he questioned.

"Not anymore," she said with a seductive smile.

_Oh, yeah, _he thought. _She's just what I need to get through the night. _"Can I buy you a drink?" he asked flashing his best smile making sure she saw the dimples that so many women found adorable.

"Scotch on the rocks," she said smiling back.

"My favorite too," He said. He gestured to the bartender, ordered her drink and another for him. "I'm Lee," he said. There was no need for a last name when he didn't plan to see her after tonight.

_"_Cathie," she said apparently agreeing.

The bartender brought their drinks and he took a swig of his, cringing when the taste of it made him once again think of his night with Amanda and the scotch they shared. He shook it off and said, "So, Cathie, what do you do?" Not that he cared. He was just going through the motions of asking the right questions to get what he wanted.

The small talk and pretense were soon done and he'd taken her back to his apartment to finish out the night. He made all the right moves, said all the right things to get her into his bed and give himself the welcome, if temporary distraction that he needed. She was more than willing to provide that distraction and did it quite well. All too soon, it was over and she was climbing out of bed, throwing her clothes back on hastily. "This was great," she said. "But I have an early day at the office.' She reached for the notepad on his nightstand and scribbled down her number. "Here's my work number, if you ever want to do it again, your call," she said. He glanced at it. Just one more number for his little black book that he may never call, he thought.

"I'll get dressed and drive you home," he said. When she shook her head, he knew what that meant. He'd seen it before. She'd given him her work number, not her home number indicating she didn't want him to know where she lived, which was fine with him. He reached for his wallet and took a couple of bills out of it. "For cab fare, then," he said.

"Thanks," Cathie said. The fact that she'd taken it without taking offense to the gesture told him all he needed to know about Cathie. She'd done this enough times to know the drill.

Once she was gone, he bolted out of bed running to his bathroom and vomited violently into the toilet. "God," he groaned, disgusted at what he had let himself become. He'd told Amanda that he wasn't one of the guys like his fraternity brothers that he hated, but since her betrayal, he'd become exactly that. He stood, stripped off the used condom and turned the shower on, making the water as hot as he could stand. He stepped into the shower letting the hot water scald his skin in the hopes that it would also scorch away the bitter memories, but deep down knowing that it never would.

He reached for the soap, lathering it up to wash Cathie's sweat from his body washing away her memory in the process. That was a memory that was much easier to get rid of. She'd been pleasant enough and had been an enthusiastic partner, giving him the physical release that he needed, but she was no Amanda. No one was. There was no woman ever who could compare to her fire, her passion. She had given him so much of herself when they made love. She was the only woman he'd ever thought of sex that way with. Even though she'd broken his heart, he still believed that she was the only woman he'd ever truly made love to, the rest were just sex, sometimes hot, wild sex, but still just sex. There had been a deeper connection with Amanda; one that he couldn't define. As hard as he worked to try to forget her, he knew that he'd always be in love with her.

Just thinking about his one night with her got him fired up again and needing release. He lathered up his hands and began to stroke himself, remembering the night he'd spent with her and how during one encounter, she'd taken him in her mouth and teased him endlessly, first sucking on just the tip, then pulling him further into her mouth before retreating and starting it all over again. He closed his eyes and tried to imagine that the lather from his hand and the warmth of the water was the warmth of her mouth on him again, her lips, her tongue. Before he knew it, he reached the climax he sought calling out her name as his body was wracked with spasms at the intensity of it. He leaned against the shower wall for support while waiting for his breathing to return to normal. What he wouldn't give to have her like that again, but it was no use thinking like that. She was a married woman now, by her own choice.

"Damn it," he growled. Why couldn't he get her out of his head, out of his heart, out of his bed when he slept? He dreamed of her every damn night, woke up reaching for her and always coming up empty-handed clutching nothing but his sheets. He turned off the water, stepped out of the shower and reached for his robe, slipping in on and tying the belt firmly around his waist. He re-entered his bedroom, tore the tangled bedding from his bed, quickly put fresh sheets on it and tossing the soiled ones across the room. He'd deal with them the next time he did laundry.

He walked into his living room, poured himself a glass of scotch, and pulled out the yearbook just as he did every time he had a woman here. By habit, he opened it right to the familiar page that always made his heart jump, the photo of the cheerleading squad with her standing on the top of the pyramid straddling the backs of two other cheerleaders, her arms raised in a v-shape, a bright smile on her face. God, he missed that smile. He lightly ran his fingers over the names printed underneath the photo."Amanda West," he whispered though he knew it was Amanda King now. He'd seen the announcement in the paper two weeks later. It hadn't been until he'd seen her on their graduation day that he'd even known her last name. He looked at the familiar scrawl underneath the picture where she'd signed it that day, a week after they'd made love. It was the last time he'd seen her and he'd honestly been surprised that she'd done it. "_I'll always remember_," he read aloud. "So will I, Amanda, so will I." He emptied his glass, feeling the liquid burn all the way down wishing it could burn away his thoughts of her. He stared at it a moment longer before flipping toward the back of the book to the individual pictures and found hers. He lightly traced her smiling lips with his index finger before closing the book and putting it back in its place on his bookcase.

Reliving old memories never did him any good. It didn't change the outcome. She had married Joe King and left him alone. She hadn't trusted that he would be able to take care of her and keep her safe. If she could only see him now, top of his class at the FBI Academy, top of his class in the Agency at Station One. He was going to make a hell of an agent. He was sure of it and he'd make damn sure that if he ever did have a family, he'd keep them safe as well as himself, He wouldn't leave his kids to be raised by someone else like his parents had, but who did he think he was he kidding? He'd never have a family. Without Amanda, he no longer had any desire to have one.

He reached for the evening paper that he hadn't yet glance at, hoping it would take his mind off his tortured thoughts. He skimmed the front page and found nothing of interest, then turned the page to the obits. He always scanned those since joining the intelligence community wondering if any of them were fellow agents. His eyes fell upon the vital statistics section when a familiar name caught his eye under recent births. "Joe and Amanda King, boy, Phillip Allen King" he read. He shook his head. Joe King certainly hadn't wasted anytime knocking her up. They'd barely been married nine months. _Nine months_," he thought. It had also been right around nine months since he'd made love to her and they hadn't taken any precautions. _Could it be possible that the baby's mine, not his? _He tried to erase that thought from his head. Surely, Amanda would have told him if that were the case. It didn't matter anyway, even if the baby was his, she'd chosen to give him Joe King's name. She'd made it very clear that she didn't want a family life with him. He wadded up the paper in frustration, tossed it across the room, returned to his bedroom, and threw himself into bed, willing himself not to dream of her again.


	3. 1974

**August 1974**

Amanda King stood on the porch watching the moving truck pull out of the driveway. She squealed in delight as her husband swept her into his arms and carried her through the door of their new home on Maplewood Drive. "Joe, stop, you're going to hurt yourself."

"This is tradition," He said as he stepped through into the foyer with her in his arms setting her down inside and closing the door behind them. He then wrapped his arms around her and kissed her. "How long did you say your parents were going to keep Phillip?" he whispered low in her ear.

"They're bringing him home tomorrow evening," she said. "They figured that would give us plenty of time to get unpacked and settled."

"Good, because there's another tradition we need to embrace, Mrs. King," he said as he nuzzled her neck.

"And what would that be, Mr. King," Amanda replied knowing the answer.

"The tradition of christening every room in the house," he murmured against her neck. "And I say we start right here."

"We still have to unpack all these boxes," she protested but at the same time sighed at what he was doing with his lips.

"We'll get to it later," he said as he pinned her to the front door, pressed against her and kissed her passionately sliding his hands under the tee she wore.

"Later," she agreed giving in to her husband enticed by the blatant evidence of his desire for her. She closed her eyes and her mind unconsciously drifted back to the time Lee had once pinned her against the door in her room at the Kappa house, how he'd wanted to make love to her and how much she'd wanted him to her right there against the door. _Stop it, Amanda, _She scolded herself. _That was over a long time ago and he's gone. _She tried to force herself to stop thinking about it. She loved Joe. She gasped as his lips once again drifter to the sensitive spot on her neck where Lee had once branded her. She felt an incredible wave of guilt wash over her at thinking of Lee with Joe in her arms, but she couldn't stop herself. While she loved her husband and their sex life was mostly satisfying, it didn't have the fire she'd shared with Lee. She opened her eyes to look at her husband to make herself stop daydreaming about a man with whom she'd only spent one night. _One incredible night, _she thought.

"I love you," Mrs. King," Joe said looking longingly into her eyes.

"I love you too," she said as she kissed him fiercely in a desperate attempt to shake off the memories of two years ago. When he once again lowered his lips to her neck, the memories came back with a vengeance. She closed her eyes tightly willing the memories to go away, but they wouldn't leave her mind. She recalled the low growl in his voice as he'd said, "_Let me make love to you again. Let me prove to you that you belong with me, not him." _

_Screw it,_ She thought unable to make the memories go away. "Make love to me," she cried out to Joe the way she'd wanted to with Lee that day.

They quickly undressed each other and Amanda found she was disappointed to feel her husband lowering her to the floor, knowing that Lee would have taken her right there against the door if she'd let him. "You're so beautiful, Amanda," Joe whispered as her tenderly stroked her face.

Amanda felt another wave of guilt at seeing the love for her shining out from Joe's eyes. She felt the same love, so why couldn't she feel the same desire? She owed it to him to try. He was her husband, after all. She lifted her hips against his urging him inside her. He complied willingly, entering her slowly, kissing her softly as he did so. He pulled back and slid back into her again just as slowly. She locked her legs around him and gripped his rear tightly with her hands in an attempt to pull him deeper within her. "Joe, don't tease me," she pleaded.

"What do you want, Amanda," he whispered in her ear as he continued to move within her maddeningly slowly and once again suckled the tender pulse point on her neck.

Amanda knew that he was a tender and loving partner, but that wasn't what she wanted right now, Her response was to grip him more firmly, "Harder, Do it harder," She gasped as she pushed up with her hips thrilled when he willing obeyed her request. As he began to thrust into her deeper and harder, her mind drifted back to the first time she'd made that request to him and how shocked he'd been by it.

_In the late evening hours after returning from Charlottesville following her graduation from UVA, Joe had just finished helping her unpack the few things she would need at her parents' house over the next week before their wedding, leaving the rest of her belongings in boxes to be moved into their apartment after they returned from their upcoming honeymoon. They descended the stairs to find her parents cleaning up the remnants of her graduation party. _

_"Here, let us help you with that," Amanda said. _

_"No, absolutely not," Dotty West said firmly. "You're not going to help clean up after your own party. Besides you two lovebirds should spend some time together."_

_"Mother, we're getting married in six days. We'll have plenty of time to spend together," she protested._

_"Well, I'm so glad that the two of you made up from that silly fight you had last week. I can't tell you how worried I was when you called me and told me the wedding was off and asked me to start cancelling all the plans we made."_

_"Just a case of nerves," Joe said with a smile at Amanda. _

_"Boy, can I relate to that," Carl West said with a smile at his wife as he carried a pile of dishes into the kitchen._

_"He can too, you know," Dotty confirmed. "You should have seen him on our wedding day. He was shaking like a leaf, poor thing. He dropped my ring twice before he put it on my finger," she said with a laugh._

_"It's not like you were any better," Her husband teased, "You went to hand your bouquet off to Lillian and nearly tripped on your train."_

_"It was all worth it, though," she said kissing her husband softly._

_Amanda smiled at her parents and how much in love they still were after twenty-four years of marriage. That's what she wanted for her and Joe. _

_"It's a nice night out," Joe said shifting his gaze to Amanda, looking embarrassed at the West's open display of affection. "Why don't we take a drive?" _

_"That'd be nice," Amanda said knowing exactly what he wanted when he suggested taking a drive, _

_Dotty smiled at the interaction between the two young lovers as they exited the house._

_Joe and Amanda walked outside hand in hand to the hand-me-down station wagon Joe drove that used to belong to his parents. He opened the door for her and waited for her to get situated before walking around to the other side. He drove only three blocks to an underdeveloped part of the neighborhood where new homes were under construction, but no one yet lived. As soon as he put the car in park, he reached for Amanda and kissed her fervently. _

_When they broke apart breathlessly, he said, "I've wanted to do that all day, but it's so hard to do with your parents watching our every move."_

_"I don't think they'd have minded. They know we're getting married," Amanda pointed out. _

_"I know, but I'm not comfortable with the public displays of affection like they are. I prefer to save it for when we're alone."_

_"Well, we're alone now," Amanda whispered suggestively against his neck as she nipped at the tender skin there. "You still have that blanket in the back, don't you?"_

_"Mm-hmm," he said. "And the back seat folds down."_

_"I remember," Amanda said. They'd made love several times in the back of his car since they'd been together. "So, why don't we move this back there where we'll have more room?"_

_"Good thinking," he said. _

_They climbed out of the front seat and quickly worked together to push the backseat down spreading the blanket out across it and the cargo area before climbing back in. They were back in each other's arms within seconds of getting in, Joe's hands sliding under the skirt of the sundress she'd worn under her cap and gown. _

_"Joe,' she gasped as he ran his hands up her legs and touched her intimately._

_His other hand slid under one of the straps of her dress sliding it off her shoulder as he kissed the exposed skin there. "You have been driving me crazy in this dress all day," he whispered in a passion-filled voice. "All I could think about was how easy it would be to get you out of it." _

_Amanda gasped a little startled when he lowered his lips to the same spot where the evidence of her passionate encounter with Lee the previous weekend was still healing. She was grateful that there were no streetlights in this part of the neighborhood yet and silently prayed it was dark enough that he wouldn't see it. She couldn't bring herself to tell him about her night with Lee. What would be the point, anyway? It would only hurt him, then they'd fight again and she'd be back in the same state she'd been in that had led to that encounter. She pushed on his chest to give herself room to work on the buttons of his shirt quickly sliding it off his shoulders. He rolled to his side in order to push her dress down her body, leaving her in just her panties, as she wore no bra beneath it. _

_Amanda used the opportunity to push him onto his back and pressed her bare chest against his. "I love you," she whispered as she kissed him feverishly trying to ignite the same passion for him that she'd felt for Lee last weekend. His words still rang shrilly in her ears. "Don't try to tell me that your precious Joe ever made you feel that way...Go back to your nice safe future-lawyer and have your nice safe life, but I guarantee you won't be happy!" She was determined to prove him wrong. She and Joe were in love after all. She sighed as she felt Joe's hand slipping inside her panties. "Joe," she cried out as she undid his pants. "I need you inside me." He rolled them back over pinning her beneath him as she pushed his pants down his hips._

_She noticed that Joe looked surprised by her outburst, but she also noticed that he looked excited by it. She'd never been quite so bold before when they'd made love. He toed off his shoes and completed undressing. He moved back over her holding onto her hips as he slowly slid inside her kissing her as he did so. He began to rock within her much too slowly for her taste. She needed to feel the reckless abandon she'd felt with Lee, needed to prove to herself that she and Joe could have the same kind of passion. "Harder," She cried. _

_Joe stilled his movements and stared at her wide-eyed. "I'll hurt you," he said worriedly. _

_"No, you won't," she said. "Trust me." She hooked her legs around his hips to encourage him. "Please, just do it harder. I need to feel you as deep inside me as you can get." _

_"Amanda, what's gotten into you," Joe asked her a look of alarm evident on his face._

_"It's just after our fight, I...I just want to be as close to you as possible," she said which was partially true, but more than anything she wanted to reassure herself that she had made the right decision in still agreeing to go through with the wedding. She needed to know that Lee was wrong; that she could be happy with Joe. She linked her arms around the back of his neck, pulled him down for a kiss, and pushed her hips up against his to drive him deeper into her. Joe finally followed her lead and thrust into her hard and fast. She could feel the excitement building. "Yes, just like that," she cried out. "Oh, it feels so good."_

_She could tell that her words had spurred him on, increasing his excitement as well. She'd never been this vocal or outspoken in asking for what she wanted with him, but found she rather enjoyed it. She clutched at his back as her climax hit her, screamed out her pleasure, and soon felt him exploding within her. She cradled his head against her as he collapsed on top of her, kissing his face feeling his heavy breathing against her neck._

_He raised his head to look at her, kissed her softly and said, "I don't know what's gotten into you tonight, but I like it."_

_"You've gotten into me," she teased in a sultry tone. _

_Joe shifted sideways to get his weight off her causing Amanda to whimper slightly at no longer feeling him inside her. He pulled her against him and said, "I can't wait to marry you." He lifted her left hand to his lips and kissed the ring finger that he'd soon be placing a wedding band on alongside the diamond ring she already wore. "Then we can stop sneaking around like this."_

_"That's quite the change from a week ago," she said._

_"I was an idiot. I'm sorry," Joe said apologetically. _

_"Joe, you don't have to apologize anymore. We both said some things we didn't mean," Amanda replied as she curled up against him. "On the plus side, it made me realize what I'd be missing." The real truth was that her night with Lee had made her realize what she'd been missing in her sex life. She'd always heard Barbie talk about how mind-blowing it could be with the right guy and while she'd never had any complaints, she'd just never had the euphoric experience her more promiscuous friend had described, not until Lee. _

_"So, I noticed," Joe said with a smile. "It's s good thing no one lives here yet. I think you'd have gotten the whole neighborhood out of bed."_

_Amanda giggled and said, "You weren't exactly quiet yourself."_

The memories faded as Amanda shuddered and writhed beneath her husband crying out, "Joe, Oh, Joe! Oh, you feel so good!" She let out an ear-piercing shriek with wave after wave of pleasure taking her over as he drove into her repeatedly until his own climax hit him.

After a few minutes of cooling down, Joe rolled onto his back pulling Amanda with him to lie atop him. "One down," he said with a grin as he kissed her.

Amanda couldn't help but laugh and replied, "We keep it up like that and neither one of us will be able to walk straight for a week."

"You love it like that, though," he countered. "I've noticed that's when you get the most excited."

"It is, but I like it other ways too," she said. Her thoughts drifted back to her night with Lee again. She hadn't needed it to be that way with him. Just the simplest touch from him, whether it was the way he'd held her hand, or his hand on the small of her back as they walked together, had made her quiver. She couldn't understand how she could love Joe so much yet still have such intense desire for a man she hadn't so much as spoken to in more than two years. She once again forced herself to turn her attention back to Joe. She lightly patted him on the shoulder. "We should really get started on unpacking, if we're going to get it done before Mother brings the baby home." _Home, _she thought with a smile as she pulled herself to her feet and gathered up her scattered clothing, dressing quickly. Amanda was startled by her still-naked husband grabbing her from behind.

"Are you sure," He whispered low into her ear as he lightly nuzzled her neck. "We still have a lot of rooms left," he teased.

"Save it for later, Stud," she said as she turned her head to kiss him and wriggled out of his grasp turning her attention first to the pile of gifts they'd received from family and friends for their new home. She picked up a flat, wrapped package that she didn't recall seeing before. "Where'd this come from?"

"The super at the apartment gave me that a couple of days ago. He said it was delivered by messenger while we were at the park with Phillip," he answered as he pulled his pants back on.

"Messenger?" She questioned. "It wasn't mailed?"

"That's what he said," Joe said with a shrug as he finished dressing.

"That's strange," she said as she tore of the wrapping. Inside was a framed photograph of the three of them from the same day at the park, Phillip in one of the baby swings, the two of them behind him pushing the swing. As she removed the rest of the wrapping, a plain white card fell out.

Joe picked it up and read, "_A small memento of your family for your new home. _"Hmmm, it's unsigned. I wonder who it's from."

"Let me see it," Amanda said as she reached for it. As she looked at the card and the handwriting, instant recognition hit her. "I don't know," she lied as she tried not to panic.

"I don't either, but it's a nice gesture," Joe said. "Too bad we don't know who sent it so we'd know who to send the thank you card to."

Amanda sighed, thinking she knew exactly who sent it, but sending a thank you card was the last thought on her mind. "Listen, Sweetheart, since this project is going to take a while, would you mind running to that great little Thai place that we like and getting some takeout? I have a feeling we're going to work up quite an appetite."

"From which project, unpacking or christening the house," he teased.

"Both," she said with a smile as she kissed him. "Please?"

"Sure," he said eager to do anything to make her happy.

"Thanks, Sweetheart, I love you," she said as she gave him another light kiss just before he walked back out the front door.

As soon as he was out the door, Amanda walked across the staircase landing into the kitchen setting the picture down on the counter, then working her way into the den, rummaging through a box and pulling out her UVA yearbook from her senior year. She flipped to the page Lee had signed, the one with the sports pictures. Her eyes immediately fell on the photo of the football team. Her breath caught in throat as seeing his smiling face staring back at her from the front row and read his words for the first time in two years, "_I'll never forget you. _Apparently not," she said to herself. She walked back into the kitchen, picking up the card that had come with the framed photo and compared the handwriting. It was definitely his.

She glanced at the card as another thought struck her. She trotted back into the den to the same box she'd pulled the yearbook out of and dug out their wedding album, skipping past the photos to the gift cards in the back of it. She quickly found what she was looking for, a plain white card just like the one with the photograph, on it were scrawled the words, "_Wishing for your happiness_." She couldn't even recall what wedding gift it had come with. They had had several unsigned cards, but most had come with return addresses so they'd known who had sent them. She wracked her brain trying to think of which package this had come from, but couldn't recall. As she thought about it, another thought crossed her mind.

She set down the wedding album with her yearbook and pulled out Phillip's baby book turning to the flap in the back of it where she'd kept all the cards from well-wishers from the day he'd been born. She sifted through them until she found the one she was looking for, another of the same plain, white cards with a note reading, "_Hoping your child will be safe". _It too, was unsigned, but she recognized it as the same handwriting. She was surprised that she hadn't put two and two together before now. Those were nearly the same words she'd spoken to Lee as one of the reasons she couldn't marry him, that when she had children, she wanted them to be safe. She remembered it had arrived with a bunch of pale blue "it's a boy!" balloons. She'd just brushed it off at the time as someone who'd gotten in a hurry and forgotten to sign the card, now she knew _why_ it was unsigned.

What was he playing at? Did he suspect as she did that Phillip might be his? Was he using his position at the FBI to keep tabs on her life, stalking her from behind a badge? Surely not. When she'd seen him on their graduation day and they signed each other's yearbooks, he'd seemed calmer than he had the week before. She put both the wedding album and baby book away, but kept the cards in her hand.

Amanda picked up her yearbook again, gazing once again at the photo of the football team. Her eyes then drifted to the photo on the same page of the cheerleading squad with her standby proudly on top of the pyramid. She recalled how hard she and her teammates had worked to get it just right. It wasn't as easy to do for a posed photograph as it was on the football field. They didn't stay in the pyramid formation very long on the field as it would soon lead to other parts of their routine. For the yearbook photographer, they'd had to stay in that formation a lot longer than normal in order for the picture to be taken. Her mind involuntarily drifted back to her night with Lee again. After they'd made love for the first time, he'd made a joke about her using her agility as a cheerleader to her advantage.

She shook off the memory, shoved all three cards into her yearbook before putting it away as well. She stepped back into the kitchen reaching for the phone dialing zero and waiting impatiently for an operator to pick up. "Yes, operator, I'd like to be connected to FBI headquarters in Washington, DC...Yes, I'll hold." Whatever Lee was up to, it had to stop. "Yes, Ma'am...I'm trying to reach one of your agents, Agent Stetson, Lee Stetson...Yes, I'll hold," she said again growing more impatient by the minute. "What do you mean, there is no Agent Stetson? I know that he graduated from the FBI academy in 1972." She knew that from the alumni newsletters she received from UVA. "What do you mean, he left the Bureau...over a year ago...Do you know where he went...Well, what _are_ you at liberty to say...Never mind...thank you for your time."

She hung up the phone wondering what was going on. Why would he leave the FBI? He talked as if it was something he'd wanted to do his whole life and he'd seemed so excited that he'd been accepted into their training program. So what had changed? It was really none of her business she knew, but she couldn't help wondering where he was and what he was doing.

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"Dorothy!"Lee screamed running toward her as fast as his legs would carry him. "Dorothy!" he screamed again as he reached her where she'd fallen. He knelt to the ground next to her lifting her body into his arms. "No," he shouted as he tried desperately to remember the life saving maneuvers that he'd been taught, his mind a jumble. He couldn't lose her. _I've got this, _he thought. _I can do this. _He laid her back down and began chest compressions, following it by blowing his own breath into her mouth frantically trying to breathe life back into her. He repeated the pattern chest compressions, followed by two deep breaths. "Come on, Dorothy!"He cried tears streaming down his face as he continued. "Come on, damn it!" During all this, the sweet smell of roses filled his nostrils, making him sick at his stomach. He blew two more breaths in her mouth and returned to the chest compressions. "You can't leave me," he said in a voice choked with emotion.

"Scarecrow," he heard behind him but ignored it and continued. "Scarecrow!" the shout came louder as he felt a pair of arms pulling him away from her realizing now that the voice belonged to Paul Barnes.

"No," he said trying to fight his way back to Dorothy.

"Forget it, Man, she's gone," the Wizard said as he kept a firm grip on his charge.

"No, no she's not. She can't be," he cried as he watched in despair while another pair of agents lifted her lifeless body from the ground and carried her off, carried her away from him. "Nooo," he cried in anguish.

"Don't do this to yourself, Scarecrow. Let her go!" Lee finally broke loose from Paul's grip, turned and punched him and pulled back to do it again. This time Paul expertly caught his closed fist in his hand and said, "Not this time, Scarecrow." He seemed completely unfazed by the left hook to the jaw. "You blindsided me once, but not again," he said as he put an arm around Lee and pulled him to his feet. "Come on. Let's go get cleaned up. They're going to want us back at The Agency to file a report on all this."

Hours later, Lee walked into his empty apartment feeling numb. Why did this have to happen? Why Dorothy? He knew Paul blamed him, he'd told him as much after the autopsy had been completed.

_"Scarecrow, she was pregnant! Did you know that?"Paul had demanded._

_"What?" Lee had replied shocked to his core. "No, I didn't know."_

_"Yeah, she was, about five weeks along the doc said. Yours, I assume," Paul said pointedly. _

_"Yeah," Lee said feeling the tears threatening to fall again._

_"What the hell were you thinking being so irresponsible? How could you do that to her? Do you know that could have been directly responsible for her death?"_

_"How do you figure," Lee said hotly._

_"Morning sickness, dizziness, fatigue, any of the symptoms that go along with pregnancy could have caused her to be off her game! She had no business being out there in her condition!"_

_"I already told you that I didn't know about it! How could I have prevented her from being out there, if I didn't know about it? Maybe as her direct supervisor, __**you**__ should have made sure she was physically fit for duty before sending her out there!"_

Lee shook off that memory as he shuffled through his bedroom to the bathroom that lay beyond it stripping off his clothes once he got there. He looked at himself in the mirror in dismay. While he changed clothes at the agency, he now realized that some of Dorothy's blood had soaked through to the skin beneath. _Dorothy's blood, hers and our baby's, _he thought in misery as he let the tears flow freely now. Paul was right, he was responsible for both of their deaths, whether intentional or not. He felt sick with guilt lurching quickly to the toilet and expelling the contents of his stomach. He stood on shaky legs, climbing into his shower turning on the hot water, wishing for the umpteenth time that the shower could wash his memoires clean, the way it did his body. He scrubbed furiously, rubbing his skin raw until he was sure he'd rid himself of every last drop of blood.

He stayed there in the shower shaking and crying, leaning on the wall for support until the water ran cold and his freezing, shivering body forced him to retreat. He exited the shower, reaching for his robe wrapping it around himself but still unable to get warm. He climbed into his unmade bed, the bedding still tangled from where he and Dorothy had made love just the night before. He wrapped himself up in the covers desperate to feel warm again. He hadn't been lying there very long when he couldn't stand to be there anymore. Her scent still on the pillow next to him assaulted his senses and he bolted out of bed, darted into his living room, pouring himself a glass of scotch, a double. He definitely needed a double. He downed it quickly and poured another one.

As he began to feel the warming effects of the liquor, he reached for the photo album from the bookcase and his eyes fell on the neglected yearbook that he hadn't touched since he started dating Dorothy. He grabbed them both and sat down on his couch opening the photo album first, pulling out his favorite photo of him and Dorothy. They were both smiling brightly. He turned it over and read her inscription on the back. "_Oz never had it so good_. Well, not anymore," He grumbled raising his glass to her as he sipped at the scotch. He flipped the photo back over and gazed at her smiling face then opened the yearbook to Amanda's senior picture. It struck him how many similarities there were between the two of them. They had the same chestnut hair, the same deep chocolate brown eyes, eyes that a guy could get lost in, they even had the same spitfire attitude.

He'd never forget the first time he'd asked Dorothy out. She'd promptly told him to get lost because she was well aware of his lady-killer reputation and informed him that she did not intend to be just another name in his black book. Normally, that would have ended his interest in a woman immediately, but with Dorothy, it intrigued him and made him pursue her even more, to the point that when she'd finally relented, she had become the first woman since Amanda that he'd allowed to spend an entire night with him. More than one night, actually, she'd spent so much time at his place that she had just as many clothes there as she did at her own place. As he took another swig of his drink, he couldn't help but wonder if he'd pursued her because subconsciously he was looking for a replacement for Amanda in his heart. That's probably what one of the agency shrinks would say, not that they'd ever have a chance to, since he made it a point to avoid them like the plague. Even if he did see one of them, he'd never tell them about Amanda. He'd never told anyone about her. It was too painful to talk about, it was only when he was alone that he let his feelings out.

As the scotch began to work its magic on his brain, he found his thoughts drifting. Dorothy had been carrying his child, just as Amanda had once carried his child. The difference being that with her not being around him, she'd lived long enough to give birth to his son. _My son, _Lee thought. He knew that Phillip King was his son, just as surely as he knew his own name. After seeing the birth announcement in the paper, he'd paid a late night visit to the hospital nursery and he'd known the second he laid eyes on the newborn. He also knew where he lived and that Joe King was a loving father to him, completely unaware that the child he was raising wasn't his. He knew he could get in serious trouble with the agency for doing it, but he'd used his security clearance a handful of times to make sure that his son was safe and happy. That's how he'd found out they were buying a house in Arlington, with the help of both their parents as Joe still had one more year of law school to finish. He'd seen them together around the city from time to time and had thought about approaching them many times, but seeing them at the park two days ago, seeing how happy their little family was, he thought keeping his distance was better. He would just complicate their lives, not to mention make them more dangerous. Besides, contrary to what he'd predicted, Joe King made Amanda happy.

He drained the last of his scotch, laid his weary head down and stretched out on the couch. Dorothy had been five weeks pregnant and he'd never known it. Paul had told him that it was early enough that she might not even have known for herself. He'd once again had a chance for a family torn away from him. _Five weeks_, he thought as the memories washed over him.

_"What's that smug grin about, Scarecrow," Dorothy teased him as they lay tangled up together, side-by-side, facing one another._

_"What, this," He said pointing to his own face. "I'll have you know, this is not a smug grin, just a happy one."_

_"Happy, huh? Happy that you finally got me here," she said with a grin of her own._

_"This was your idea," he countered. "In fact, I recall I just invited you over for dinner. You were the one who insisted on dessert."_

_"I could always blame that on the wine you served with dinner," she joked. "You know I can't hold my liquor"_

Lee soon found his memories of Dorothy mingling with his memories of Amanda as he began to fall into a restless sleep.

_Lee was lying on his back, Amanda stretched out atop him after the second time they'd made love. "I guess it's true what they say about you Kappa girls," he said with a mirthful grin._

_"Oh, and what's that," She inquired with s flirty smile._

_"That you're all easy, once a guy gets a little liquor in you," he teased._

_She then slapped him playfully and said suggestively, "That's not all you got in me."_

_"I remember," he said as he pulled her head down and kissed her._

_"So, if it's true what they say about Kappa girls, then what they say about Delta Sig guys must also be true," she joked._

_"What is it they say," he asked his eyes twinkling._

_"That the whole reason you guys have these parties and provide the ladies with all the free booze they can handle is so you can lure them to your room and have your wicked way with them," she teased back._

_"There was no luring going on here," he said. "You came up here of your own free will and had your wicked way with me."_

_"And I'd do it all over again," she said as she lowered her lips to his kissing him fiercely as she ran her fingers through his hair. _

_"Good," He said breathlessly as he felt himself growing hard against her again. He couldn't believe what she did to him, how quickly she sparked the most intense desire in him. "Speaking of doing things again," he said as he flipped her beneath him causing her to squeal in delight. She pulled at his hips as she kissed him again giving him all the encouragement he needed. He lifted her hips to his as he entered her for the third time that night, his tongue dueling with hers as they moved in sync together, Amanda driving her hips up to meet his every time. The fact that she was such an active participant in their lovemaking made him desire her even more. He'd never known a woman like her, who put so much of herself into it. He longed to have her in his bed like this every night; he couldn't get enough of her. He tore his mouth from hers and assaulted the tender skin at her neck where he'd already left behind a mark of their passion for each other. _

Lee was jolted awake by the ringing of the phone. He ignored it and decided to let the machine get it. The memory he'd been dreaming of assaulted his brain. He'd left Amanda with more than just a hickey, just as he had Dorothy. He made up his mind he would never be that careless again. He trudged morosely back to his bedroom, yanked the bedding that still smelled of Dorothy from his bed and replaced it with clean bedding before dropping into it sure that sleep wouldn't come again for a while as his tortured mind was filled with thoughts of both women and both children that he'd lost.


	4. 1975-Part 1

Author's Note: This segment has so much included that the 1975 sequence of events has to be split into three chapters due to length. This is the first installment and I should have the other two installments completed in a day or two. Thanks to all of have been reading and reviewing.

Lanie

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**December 28, 1975**

Lee Stetson sat in a car from the agency's motor pool at the corner of Maplewood Drive as he'd found himself often doing over the last year or so since losing Dorothy and his unborn child. He knew that he'd never have the family life he craved. That had been taken from him twice, once by death and once by another man. If he were really honest with himself though, he'd admit that it had really started with the death of his parents when he was just a small child, but he'd been repressing those painful memories for so long, it had become habit not to think about it. He still had the occasional nightmare about faceless monsters, but mostly his dreams were filled with either Dorothy or Amanda, mainly Amanda. Just as he repressed his memories of his parents, he tried to repress memories of Dorothy as well. The memories of Amanda, though, they just wouldn't go away, no matter how hard he tried.

Lee sighed as he reached for the coffee thermos on the seat, the same one he used on stakeouts and was dismayed to find it empty. _Oh, well, _he thought as he started the engine. _It's getting late anyway. _Almost time to go home. He knew that very soon he'd see the lights of the house wink out one by one. First in the kitchen, then the living room, the nursery where Amanda's newborn son slept, followed by the bedroom his own son slept in and finally the room that Amanda shared with her husband, that man who was playing daddy to his son, completely unaware that he wasn't his father.

A painful stab of jealousy cut through him like a knife as he thought of Joe King sharing a room with the woman he loved, sharing her bed, making love to her. Lee would love to march up to that door just to see the reaction on Joe's face at finding out he'd been living a lie for three years, that the day he'd married Amanda, she'd been pregnant with his child. He couldn't do it though. It would be devastating to Amanda and she'd hate him for it. Amanda was happy, his son was happy. He'd witnessed it on the numerous occasions that he'd watched the house, telling himself that he was doing it to make sure his son was safe. Once again, though, he knew deep down that he wasn't truly being honest with himself. He also wanted to see Amanda, to know that she was happy and secretly, he looked for any sign that her marriage wasn't the idyllic one it seemed to be, looked for any sign of trouble that might give hm an opening into her heart again. He knew his behavior was bordering on stalking, but he found he couldn't keep himself away.

As he expected, the lights began to be turned down, first the kitchen, the a couple seconds later, the living room. A few minutes later, the nursery light followed. Soon after, he saw silhouettes against the curtains of Phillip's room, only unlike every previous night, the light stayed on longer than normal. He wondered what was going on. A few minutes later, the light to the baby's room was turned back on, followed by the kitchen light. His attention was drawn away from the house by activity at the house across the street, a woman a little older than Amanda was tearing across the street in her bathrobe and curlers toward the front door of the King residence. The woman was met by Amanda with her infant son wrapped in a blanket in her arms, a diaper bag on her shoulder. She handed the baby off to the neighbor. Lee wasn't close enough to hear what was being said, but Amanda had a frightened look on her face.

He continued to watch as Amanda was soon joined by her husband who carried a bundled up Phillip in his arms. He placed Phillip gently in the backseat of the family's station wagon as the pair quickly joined him, Joe backing the car out of the driveway in a hurry with a screech of the tires on the pavement. _Something's wrong with Phillip, _he thought a wave of fear enveloping him. He turned the agency car around and followed them at a safe distance until he saw them pulling into the ER parking lot of Parker General.

He wanted to follow them inside to see what was going on, but he knew that in the open ER area, Amanda would spot him instantly. Instead, he made his way in through a different door. He walked through the hospitals corridors until he found that he was looking for. He pulled out his lock pick and eased his way inside the storage room, find a clean set of scrubs to put on to blend in so he could find out what was going on with his son without making himself obvious.

As he changed pulled the scrubs on over his regular clothes, his mind drifted back to the moment he'd first realized that Phillip King was his son, right here in this very hospital.

_After throwing himself into bed following seeing the birth announcement in the paper, Lee had been unable to sleep. This time though, it wasn't just thoughts of Amanda herself that kept him awake, that was only a small part of it. More of his thoughts were focused on the child she'd just given birth to and the more he thought about it, the more he had to know if he was the child's father._

_He'd quickly gotten dressed and made his way to the hospital, flashed his brand new agency ID at the reception desk, which he knew was a blatant violation of his new security privileges. The receptionist provided him the information he needed and he made his way to Amanda's room cautiously, not wanting to get caught. He peered in and found that she was sound asleep, her husband by her bedside holding her hand. He silently watched as Joe King placed a tender kiss to her forehead before making his way toward the door. Lee quickly darted around the corner to avoid being seen as Joe King walked the other direction down the hall. _

_Once the other man was out of sight, Lee crept back to Amanda's room finding that the door had been left open. He tiptoed inside. He stood there for a moment, silently watching, taking in the peaceful, happy look on her face, the rise and fall of her chest, her deep, even breathing. His breath caught in his throat at the sight of her. She was more beautiful that he remembered, her more rounded post-pregnancy figure clearly outlined under the thin hospital blanket. The idea that she may have just given birth to his child and that this was the reason for the more voluptuous body he saw in front of him, only made her sexier to him, making him want her even more. He mentally cursed himself for his thoughts. Here she was, a brand new mother and all he could think about was making love to her again. It's not that strange, he thought, trying to justify his impure thoughts. After all, it was making love that led to her becoming a mother. He just wondered if it was him making love to her that had done it._

_He knew he shouldn't stay too long here. Who knows when her husband might come back? Besides, he still hadn't gotten what he came for. The baby wasn't here, so he must be in the nursery. He exited the room and headed down the hall to the nursery's observation window, which was where he found Joe King enraptured as he gazed through the glass. What was he going to do now? He decided to act naturally, as if he was just another new father coming down for a peek at his child. He figured he could pull it off. After all, it just might be true. He approached the large glass window and tried to unobtrusively catch a glimpse of the King baby._

_Joe had noticed that he was no longer alone, turned and said to him, "Are you a new dad too," giving Lee the prefect opening._

_"Yeah," he said with a smile hoping that he was giving it just the right amount of gush without overplaying it. "Is this one yours?" Lee asked pointing through the glass at the infant who'd just kicked off his pale blue blanket. _

_"Yes, he is," Joe King replied with an elated smile. "He's just ten hours old. He's perfect isn't he?""_

_Lee smiled warmly. Joe had just given him the perfect opportunity to take a closer look at the baby that he suspected was his. He gazed at the boy, at his wide eyes, the same eyes that he saw in the mirror everyday and he knew without a doubt that this child did not belong to Joe King. "Yeah, he is," Lee said his smile widening at the knowledge that he was a father. _

_"Well, listen, "It was nice talking to you, but I should get back to my wife," Joe said. "Good luck with your new little one."_

_"Yeah, you too," Lee said with a smile. As soon as he was gone, Lee took the spot that Joe had vacated and stared intently at his newborn son. His smile soon faded though as he realized that there was no way he could ever be a part of his life. Even if Amanda wanted him around, which she'd made very clear wasn't the case, what he did for a living would instantly put his child in danger. He watched for a while longer until a nurse entered the room to check on the babies and upon finding that the King baby was no longer covered up, moved to tuck his blanket back around him._

_Lee tapped on the glass to get her attention gesturing to the baby. He knew he was taking a big risk should Joe King come back, but he wanted to hold his son at least once. The nurse smiled, nodded with her head and pointed to a door on the other side. Lee followed her instructions and found himself in a smaller room where the nurse met him with the baby and gently placed him in his arms. He walked to the rocking chair in the corner of the room unable to take his eyes off his son's face. He reached for his hand and felt a rush of happiness as Phillip immediately latched on to his finger with his tiny fist. _

_"You've got quite a grip there, little one," he said. He sat there holding him and gently rocking him for another twenty minutes, just taking pleasure in being with his son until it hit him that the longer he was there, the more risk he took of being caught. How would he explain it? Telling the truth would destroy Amanda's happy marriage and he didn't want to see her hurt. He'd seen the look on her face as she lay sleeping and knew she was happy. He couldn't ruin that for her. He stood, tapped on the door to the larger room to get the nurse's attention again. He reluctantly handed his son back to the nurse, tears forming in his eyes, as he knew this might be the one and only time he ever got to hold his son._

_The nurse smiled at him, clearly mistaking his tears for happy tears, "Congratulations, Mr. King," she said._

_Lee didn't bother to correct her and just said, "Thank you," before heading out the door. _

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Amanda was sitting in the waiting room of Parker General's ER desperately awaiting news on her almost three-year-old son's condition wondering why the doctor had wanted to talk to Joe alone. Maybe he sensed how distraught she was and the test results had yielded bad news. Maybe whatever the news was, he thought she could handle better coming from her husband. He'd been gone a very long time and the longer he was gone, the worse her nerves got. She could only think that it must be really bad news. Silent tears of worry slipped down her cheeks. She was lost in thought when she heard her mother's voice from the doorway.

"Oh, Amanda, Darling," She exclaimed as she reached down and hugged her daughter tightly. "How's Phillip?"

"We don't know anything yet," she said as she released her mother who soon sat beside her. "We should soon, though. Joe's talking to the doctors now. Where's Daddy?"

"He's trying to find a place to park. He just dropped me off at the entrance so one of us would be with you. This place is a mad house. Must be post-holiday frenzy."

"I guess," Amanda said noncommittally as she took a small sip of the horrible brew that the hospital had the nerve to call coffee.

"Who's watching Jamie?" He mother inquired.

"Mrs. Daley from across the street," Amanda answered. "She said she'd keep him as long as we need her to," Amanda said as she sniffled softly.

"I don't understand, Amanda. Phillip seemed perfectly fine the other day when you were at our house for Christmas."

"You're not the only one who doesn't understand, Dotty," Joe growled as he re-entered the waiting room, a sheaf of papers in his hand. "Amanda, do you care to explain this?" He tossed the papers at her angrily.

"Explain what?" she said as she put her coffee cup down and glanced at the papers he'd tossed in her lap.

"The results from Phillip's lab work. They ran all kinds of tests. They said with as severe as his infection is, they were worried that his body might not be making enough blood cells to keep up with the ones that die off regularly and that he might need a transfusion."

"Ok, I get that you're worried. I'm worried too, but I don't get why you're so angry."

"Angry, Amanda?" Joe spat out. "Angry doesn't begin to cover it, I'm furious! When I thought he might need blood, I volunteered to be a donor if necessary to help my son, only according to that," he pointed to the papers still lying on his wife's lap, "He's _not_ my son. The doctor said that not only am I incompatible, but I'm so incompatible that there's no way in hell that I can be his father." Amanda didn't say a word, only silently stared at the floor, taking shuddering gasps of air now that her suspicions were confirmed. Joe grabbed her by the arms, yanking her from her chair, the incriminating lab results falling to the floor. "Say something, Amanda," He demanded.

"Hey!" Carl West shouted as he entered the room. "Take your hands off my daughter."

"Not until I get some straight answers," Joe said vehemently.

Dotty rose from her seat and said, "This is just ridiculous. Of course you're his father." She then turned to her daughter and said, "Amanda, just tell him that it's ridiculous. Tell him that the lab made a mistake. Have them run another test."

"I thought that, too," He said releasing Amanda as he bent to pick up the fallen papers. "I couldn't believe it was true, so I had them run it again. This is the second set of test results and they both say the same thing, that Phillip's not my son." He then turned back to his wife and said in a strangled voice, the hurt evident in his tone, "Has our whole marriage been a lie?"

Amanda closed her eyes for a moment trying to gather her strength then looked back at her husband. "I...I...I didn't know...I...I swear I didn't...not for sure...not until just now." Dotty gaped at her daughter in shock.

"But you suspected it, didn't you? Obviously, if you were sleeping with someone else, you had to have known it was a possibility. So, how long has this been going on? Is Jamie mine?"

"Of course, he is," Amanda said staring at him, horrified. "How can you even ask me that?" Tears flowed freely down her face.

"How can I not, Amanda? When I find out you've been screwing around on me all this time?"

"I haven't been, I swear to you, I have never cheated on you, never!"

"Then how else do you explain it?"

A horrible thought struck Dotty, "Oh my god, Amanda, did some man force himself on you?" Dotty asked thinking that as awful as it would be, it had to be the only reasonable answer. Her daughter wasn't the kind of woman to sleep around.

"Oh God," Joe said feeling like a complete ass. That thought had never even occurred to him. "Amanda, is that what happened?" he asked in a calmer voice.

Amanda chuckled sardonically. It would be so easy to say yes and play the victim. Joe would be understanding and sympathetic and eventually everything would go back to normal. She seriously considered it until she noticed one of the orderlies standing off to the side by the reception desk and realized that he'd been there all night and that he wasn't an orderly. The hazel eyes bored into her from across the room challenging her. It was obvious that he'd heard every word. She sighed and said, "No, it isn't. I wasn't raped. I'd love to be able to use that as an excuse, but it wouldn't be the truth. The truth is, I was just weak, but I was telling the truth when I said I never cheated. It happened two weeks before we were married, the weekend that we had that awful fight."

"The one where you threw your engagement ring at me," Joe questioned, the memories flooding back.

Amanda nodded and said, "When I walked away and you didn't come after me, I thought we were over. I mean, _really_ over. You were talking about cancelling all our wedding plans and I thought that was it, that I'd never see you again. I never imagined you'd show up again two days later."

"So, what? You thought we were done, so you just immediately jumped into bed with some other guy?"

"It wasn't like that. My girlfriends insisted that I needed to get out..." she launched into the whole story, her sorority sisters, the party, the liquor. Of course, she left out the detail that it was still the most amazing sex of her life and ended with..."After you broke my heart...I...I just needed to feel like I was still wanted, that someone still cared and he was there and he listened to me, he comforted me, he held my hand when I cried." She paused as her eyes once again caught Lee's across the room and found he wore a smug smile on his face. "He was really sweet and he made me feel loved when you had just made me feel very unloved. I'm not proud of myself. I swear to you, if I'd known you were going to come back, if you had given me any kind of sign that you still loved me, still wanted to marry me, I'd never have let it happen."

The longer Amanda talked, the angrier Joe became. "So, you're blaming me because you're a whore?"

"Hey!"Carl West jumped in. "How dare you call her a whore? Who the hell do you think you are?" While Dotty had been all for this marriage from the beginning, he hadn't been. He'd never liked the idea of his daughter marrying so soon after graduating college and marrying a man who didn't yet have his career started. He'd thought they should wait until they were stable and had said so to his wife, who'd just laughed it off and reminded him that their parents had felt the same way and that they'd been younger that Joe and Amanda. She then had reminded him Amanda was two years older than she'd been when she gave birth to their daughter. She then pointed out how happy she was. He hadn't said another word, knowing how stubborn both his wife and daughter were, knowing that all the talking in the world wouldn't change anything. Now, he wished he'd put his foot down and put a stop to it.

"You know, this is partially your fault," Joe said with an icy glare at both him and Dotty. "The way the two of you act. It's no wonder she's like this when she grew up with the two of you flaunting your private life for everyone to see."

"Joe, stop it!'"Amanda said. "Don't take it out on them. It's me you're angry with and you have a right to be."

"You're damn right, I do! How could you do this to me? How could you not have even told me that you had this...this thing...with this guy?"

"It was a mistake," Amanda said, "A horrible mistake."

Lee, who'd been silently watching couldn't be silent any longer at hearing Amanda's words. "A mistake," he said incredulously as he approached her anger and hurt flaring in his eyes. When she saw him walking toward her family, she met him halfway in the middle of the open room. "Is that what you really believe? You must think our son is a mistake too, huh?"

"What are you doing here?" Amanda said. She'd known he was there, but had been trying not to draw attention to him.

"I was in your neighborhood and I saw the two of you," he said with a cold glance toward Joe King, "...leaving the house like a bat out of hell with Phillip in your arms and I figured something had to be wrong. I wanted to make sure he was ok." He realized he'd just given himself away. He'd spent a lot of time in their neighborhood, keeping a close watch on his son, but had never intended to make direct contact like this. It was too dangerous.

"You have no right to be here," Amanda spat out angrily as she turned to walk back toward her family.

Lee grabbed her arm to keep her from waking away and spun her around to face him. "No right? Damn it, Amanda, he's my son! I have a right to see him, I have a right to know that he's ok," Lee shouted.

Amanda wrenched her arm out of his grasp. "Don't touch me," She hissed at him.

"Don't touch you, huh," he said as he grabbed her with both arms pulling her roughly against him. "I seem to recall you singing a different tune three years ago. In fact, I remember you begging me to touch you, begging me to make love to you." He knew he'd gone too far, knew he was making a scene, but was beyond caring.

"Stop it!" she pleaded.

"Why should I? Maybe it's time your husband knew the _whole _truth. I noticed you left out a few details, like how good it was between us," He said as he pressed himself against her. "They way we fit so perfectly together, the way you screamed my name over and over again."

"Hey!" Joe King shouted. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Stay out of this," Lee growled at him. "This is between me and her." Amanda used the distraction to wriggle free and the next thing he knew, Lee felt the resounding crack of her hand striking his face.

"Go to hell," she shouted at Lee. "I can't believe that I ever cared about you enough to let you touch me!"

"So, this is him?"Joe asked angrily. "This is the guy?"

Amanda ground out, "I will _never_ let you near my son."

"_Our_ son, Amanda," Lee reminded her. "He's our son!"

"He's not," Amanda lied.

"Yes, he is and don't even try to deny it! Unlike your _loving _husband here, I've known he was mine since the day he was born. If you think about, deep down, you've known it too! For God's sake, he looks just like me! He's got my eyes, my coloring..."

"So what? That's just genetics! Joe has been the one raising him and caring for him. That's what makes a man a father! You say you've known since the beginning that he was your son, Great! If you were so damn concerned about your parental rights, where the hell have you been all this time?"

"I'm here now. That should count for something," He replied.

"So, what, you just decided you suddenly want to be a father to him?"

"I always should have been a father to him," Lee said softly. "You should have been my wife, not his. I asked you to marry me, remember. The three of us should have been a family."

"The way you acted just now, you're clearly not cut out to be a father," she said icily.

"How do you know that? I've never been given the chance. Who knows? I might be better at it than he is. Unlike your husband, I actually have a job."

"Big deal," she said wondering what exactly his job was since she knew he wasn't at the FBI anymore and the alumni newsletters hadn't mentioned him in a couple of years. "So, you have a job. That doesn't give you the right to just show up like this and start making demands when you haven't made any effort before now."

"What the hell was I supposed to do Amanda? Answer me that, huh? You made it very clear that since _he_ came crawling back to you, you wanted nothing more to do with me. You took what was an amazing night together and turned it into something cheap and tawdry, made me feel used."

"I never intended it to be that way. I told you that when we said good-bye," Amanda replied.

"Well, whether you intended it or not, that's exactly what happened," he spat out. "Don't you get it, Amanda? You broke my heart!"

"Your heart was broken?"Joe cried incredulously. "How do you think I feel, finding out that my wife has been lying to me for over three years? Finding out that the boy I loved and cared for isn't mine?"

"I don't give a damn how you feel," Lee shouted. "You have no idea what it's been like for me, watching from a distance while another man played daddy to my child? Did if ever occur to you that you wouldn't have had these years with him, if it hadn't been for me? I've kept my distance because he was happy, Amanda was happy, but if this is how you're going to treat her, I can't keep my distance anymore."

"You'd damn well _better_ keep your distance," Joe fired back irate over the fact that he'd said Amanda should have married him. "This is _my_ family."

"Keep telling yourself that, Pal, but you know it's not true. Phillip is my son and he always has been and while Amanda may have married you, there's a part of her that will always belong to me."

Joe couldn't take it anymore and took a swing at Lee, who dodged it expertly, grabbing his arm pushing him away from him. He wasn't about to trade blows with him as much as he might want to. That would only make matters worse. Joe didn't give up. He charged at Lee, grabbing his arms, the two men grappled for a moment before Carl West stepped in separating the two. "Knock it off, both of you!" He yelled. "This isn't some prize fight with my daughter and grandson as your prize."

"Thank you, Daddy," Amanda said gratefully.

Her father glared at her icily before turning back to the two younger men. He focused his gaze on Lee and said, "Son, I think you'd best get out of here before you cause any more trouble."

Lee folded his arms across his chest, shaking his head and said firmly, "I'm not leaving until I know that my son is going to be ok."

Carl sighed. As a father himself, he understood. He nodded and said, "Then sit your ass down and shut up." He gestured to the chairs in the waiting area. Lee took a seat opposite Dotty with a deep sigh.

"If he's staying, I'm going," Joe said hotly making his way toward the glass doors of the ER.

"Joe, don't go," Amanda said trailing after him tugging on his arm to stop him.

He shook her off. "Let me go, Amanda. I don't belong here. I'm not Phillip's father," He said as he stormed out the door.

She started after him, but her mother's voice stopped her, "Let him go," Dotty said softly. "Come sit down." She patted the chair next to her. Amanda sat down next to her mother who immediately enveloped her into her arms as Amanda cried. "Shhh, my darling girl, don't you worry. Everything's going to be ok."

Amanda raised her head and said, "How can you say that? I've made a mess of everything."

"We all make messes," her father said as he sat on Amanda's other side and squeezed her hand. "What matters is what we do to clean them up afterward."

"This is a big mess that's going to take a lot of cleaning up," Amanda replied.

"Joe's just had a big shock. Just give him some time to cool off and think about things," Dotty said. "No matter what, he still loves you and Phillip. I'm sure with time, the two of you will be able to talk things through and figure out where you go from here. After all, you both have Jamie to think about too."

From his seat across from them, Lee felt a stab of jealousy at the closeness between Amanda and her parents. They'd just learned some shocking news about their daughter, yet they were still providing her love and support and didn't appear to be making any judgments about it. They were just trying to comfort her. He'd longed his entire life for that kind of familial bond.

"Speaking of which," Carl interjected with a nod toward Lee. "It seems to me that you two should do some talking as well."

"I don't know what it is you think that we could possibly have to talk about," Amanda said coolly. "I think it's all been said."

"Oh, come on, Amanda," Dotty said. "You know better than that. Even though your love affair was short-lived, the fact that that love affair created a child is something that will connect you for life, whether you like it or not."

"She makes a good point, Amanda," Lee said. "We should talk."

"Yeah, I know," Amanda conceded. "We should."

An awkward silence followed, no one sure what to say next. Lee and Amanda locked eyes watched by her parents. Dotty's keen eyes capturing every nuance of the intense eye contact and knew that while her daughter might have said her liaison with this young man was a mistake; there was still an undeniable connection between them, which was deeper than just the fact that he'd fathered her oldest child.

Dotty broke the silence by asking, "So, what is it you do, Mr...?" It occurred to her then that she didn't even know the name of her grandson's father.

"Stetson, Lee Stetson," he said.

"That's a good question," Amanda said. "You mentioned that you have a job, but I know that you're not with the FBI anymore. What happened there?"

"I got offered a better opportunity and I took it," Lee answered succinctly, not giving away any details.

"What kind of opportunity? When you told me you'd been accepted in the FBI training academy, you seemed really excited about it."

"I was and it was a great experience for me. It led me to where I am now," Lee said.

"Which is where?"Amanda probed.

"I still work for the government and still with a division of the justice department, but I can't talk about the specifics of what I do."

"Oh?" Amanda said wondering what exactly he did that he couldn't talk about.

"It's nothing personal, Amanda, but what I do...it's classified and I took an oath of secrecy." He sighed in frustration. When he'd come here tonight, he'd never intended to make his presence known, but when he'd seen what was happening in the waiting room, heard Joe King call Amanda a whore, heard Amanda say that their time together had been a mistake, he lost control, something he didn't do very often. In his line of work, that could cost him his life or the lives of others, like Dorothy. "Listen, it seems like the doctors are still going to be a while. Why don't we take a walk, so we can talk?"

"No," Amanda said with a shake of her head. "I don't want to leave until I know what's going on with Phillip." In truth, she wasn't sure if she trusted herself to be alone with him. When he'd grabbed her earlier and ground against her, all the desire she'd felt for him more than three years ago and come flooding back like a tidal wave. She vividly recalled the last time he'd suggested that they take a walk and how it had led to them making love all night and to Phillip's conception.

"I think that's a good idea, Amanda," Carl said. "Like your mother said, the two of you need to talk about what you're going to do." He wasn't sure yet how he felt about this young man. He'd impregnated his daughter and hadn't taken any responsibility for his child, yet from the snippets he'd heard of their earlier argument, he sensed that it wasn't entirely his fault. Amanda had sent him packing before she'd even known that she was pregnant and had married Joe instead.

"Your father's right. I think it will be easier for you two to get things out in the open without us around. We'll come find you when the doctors have any news about Phillip."

"Yeah, alright," she said as she rose from her seat and glanced at Lee. "Where do you want to go?"

"Let's just go outside and get some fresh air. I think I could use it," he said rising from his own seat and reaching for her hand.

"Sounds good," she said as she took his offered hand slightly jolted by the contact. It amazed her that it had been over three years since that fateful night, yet she still felt so comforted by his touch, so electrified by it. They walked in silence hand in hand out of the ER.


	5. 1975-Part 2

Author's Note: First and foremost, I want to say thanks to all the reviewers out there for the positive feedback. As I've mentioned in my replies to several of your reviews, this was a story that I was very nervous about posting because it is so much outside the box. Once again, I want to offer a special thank you to Jenniejoy72 and AbbyGibbs for being my sounding board on this tale and encouraging me to publish it. You ladies are awesome for letting me use you as guinea pigs.

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**December 29, 1975, 12:30AM**

They reached the parking lot and Lee led her to sheltered bench on the side of the building away from the incoming traffic and prying eyes. They sat down facing one another still holding each other's hands and Lee said, "I want to start by apologizing for blowing up like that. I...I just...lost it when I heard you say that we were a mistake."

"Well, let me apologize too. When I said it was a mistake, I didn't mean the fact that it happened was a mistake; I meant not telling Joe about it was a mistake. I should never have kept it from him, especially once I started to suspect that he wasn't Phillip's father."

"So, you didn't mean that our time together was a mistake?"

"No, I told you then that I'd never regret it and I still don't. As you pointed out earlier, if it weren't for that night, I wouldn't have Phillip. You were there for me when I really needed someone and that is something that I will always be grateful for. That night was amazing."

"We could have other nights like it," he said boldly as he caressed her face gazing longingly into her eyes.

Amanda gasped at the intensity of his stare, awed that the heat of his touch that could still set her on fire. She didn't even know who moved first, all she knew is that one minute, they were staring silently at each other and the next, they were in each other's arms, kissing frantically as if they couldn't get enough of one another, moaning against each other. She somehow found herself in his lap straddling him, her arms around him sucking at his neck as his hands worked their way under her skirt stroking her center making her feel like she hadn't felt in a long time. Joe hadn't touched her for months, not since her pregnancy with Jamie had begun to be obvious. She was sure that the extra weight she'd put on had made her undesirable to her husband, but Lee, he made her feel like she was the most desirable woman in the world. She knew she still wasn't completely healed from giving birth just a little over a month ago, but all rational thought flew out the window with the way that Lee was touching her, the feelings he was bringing back. At the thought of her newborn child, alarm bells began to sound in her head.

Lee was on fire feeling her touching him, her lips on his skin. He was enticed by the changes her beautiful body had undergone due to her recent pregnancy, her breasts were rounder and fuller, her hips wider, it was intoxicating feeling her fuller figure in his arms. He was only sorry that he'd missed being around her when her body had been this ripe with his own child. "You're so beautiful," he said in a hoarse whisper."Oh, Amanda, I love you so much."

At hearing his declaration of love, Amanda felt a wave of panic come over her and she abruptly tried to pull herself off his lap, but Lee held her tightly wrapping his arms around her. "Amanda, don't," he pleaded as he kissed her tenderly. "Don't pull away from me. Not when we've got a second chance." He held her close to him, one hand on her back, tangled in her hair as he placed soft kisses on her lips, face and neck.

"Is that what you think this is? Lee, I'm married," Amanda said trying to pull back from his embrace, disgusted with herself for giving into blind passion and nearly cheating on her husband. She was horrified that she'd just almost done the very thing Joe had accused her of and that he now had every reason not to trust her.

"You're just remembering that now?" Lee questioned in confusion, the hurt evident on his face. What was she playing at? He grasped her hips, pulling her against him. "You feel that, Amanda? What you're doing to me?" He used his other hand to pull her head to his and kissed her again more forcefully this time, He smiled inwardly when she kissed him back, opening her mouth to him, moaning again as he probed her mouth with his tongue, knowing that at least for the moment he'd won her over.

He knew she felt guilty for being with him, but he also knew that this was right where she wanted to be, even if she wouldn't admit it. He knew exactly what he did to her because she did the same thing to him. He had never felt the raw desire he felt for her with anyone other woman. He also, sadly knew that as soon as he stopped touching her, stopped kissing her, she would let her guilt take her over and he'd be back in the same boat, spending every night dreaming of her and every morning waking up in an empty bed. He made up his mind that the solution was to never stop touching her, to keep making her feel the things that he knew he made her feel; things that he knew her damned husband couldn't do for her. The way that she was kissing him, he knew that she was hungry, no, not just hungry, _starving _for some real passion in her life. He once again lowered his lips to the tender spot at her neck that he knew from their previous night together, drove her absolutely wild, feeling himself growing harder against her, wanting desperately to make love to her again.

"Oh, Lee," she gasped out once again burying her guilt in the exquisite sensations he was giving her. She'd tried to tell herself that her memories of their night together had been exaggerated in her mind due to her drunken state that night, but she was stone cold sober now and those feelings were not exaggerated in the slightest. He really did make her feel things she'd never felt with any other man, things no other man could make her feel, not even Joe. Her brief thought of Joe induced a slight panic again, but her mind firmly tamped that thought down. She just wanted to feel attractive again and Lee didn't even seem to be bothered by the fact that she was carrying a few extra pounds. He'd told her she was beautiful. In fact, it seemed to turn him on even more that she had more curves now that she had during their last encounter.

"Leave him, Amanda. Marry me," Lee pleaded in a low husky whisper in her ear..

Tears filled Amanda's eyes at his words, "I can't," she said as she pushed forcefully on his chest to push him away from her scrambling off the bench, straightening her clothing hastily, pulling her winter coat more tightly around her, suddenly chilled by the frigid December air now that he was no longer touching her.

"Why not," Lee demanded straightening his own clothes and reached for her before she could take off.

"For starters, we have a child together," Amanda said.

"_We_ have a child together, Amanda," he reminded her. "So, that logic doesn't work. You have children with two different fathers or did you forget that?"

"You're right I do," Amanda said, that thought coupled with what had just happened making her feel that she was every bit the whore Joe had accused her of being. "One of whom I'm married to," she pointed out.

"That didn't stop you a minute ago," Lee said. "I didn't manipulate you or coerce you into it. You wanted this every bit as much as I did."

"I know, but it doesn't change anything and that doesn't mean it wasn't wrong. I'm still married to Joe. I made a vow to be with him for life," she reminded him as she wriggled out of his grasp and hurried toward the front of the building just as Dotty exited it unseen by either of them.

"Well, you also made a vow to be faithful to him too, but look what just happened," he said darting after her reaching for her arm turning her to face him.

"Nothing happened," she said. "We stopped things before they went too far."

"You can't deny that you wanted things to go too far, Amanda," he said pointedly. "I can't keep living without you. Please, don't make me," he pleaded as he backed her up against the building kissing her soundly desperate to get her to admit her true feelings for hm, what he knew was in her heart.

Amanda once again found herself unable to resist his kisses and the fire they created in her. She wanted not only to give into his kisses, but his proposal, just so she could have more of him, feel that fire all the time, but she'd always heard that a fiery passion like that would eventually burn out, then where would she be? She couldn't break Joe's heart for a man she suspected would break hers in the end, even though it might not be intentional on Lee's part.

Unaware that they were being observed and had been since returning to the front of the building, Lee broke their kiss and spoke in a strangled voice. "Amanda, please don't turn me away again. I need you, I need my family." He pressed against her, kissing her again pouring all the love in his heart into that kiss, desperate to convince that she belonged with him.

Amanda responded to his kiss as her body screamed for more of him, but her mind was screaming how wrong it was. She broke their kiss. "No," Amanda said breathlessly, summoning all her strength to push him away one final time. "I have a newborn baby to think about. Have you even thought about that? I get that you haven't been able to be around for Phillip and if you want to spend time with him, we can work something out..."

"That's not good enough, Amanda," Lee spat out his hurt turning to anger at her sheer stubbornness. "Why can't you admit that there's something between us and it's more than just sharing a child?"

"Yes, there's this crazy attraction between us that I can't explain, but I told you over three years ago that that isn't enough. You keep saying you want me to marry you, but you can't build a marriage on sexual attraction alone. Besides, if you were to marry me, you wouldn't be getting just Phillip and me, you'd be getting Jamie too. Are you really sure you could raise another man's child?"

"Why not," Lee countered. "He's been raising mine."

"It would never work, Lee. I care for you..."

"You've got a damn funny way of showing it," Lee said hotly.

"No, really I do, but I can't abandon my family on a whim, not for something that we both know won't last.

"How do we know it won't last unless we give it a try? Face it, Amanda, you've never given me a fair shot. He came back and you tossed me aside as if I never even mattered to you."

"I'm sorry," she said tears flowing freely from her eyes. "I never meant to hurt you."

"Sorry isn't good enough. Damn it, Amanda, how many times are you going to do this to me? Is this how it's going to be forever? You want me when you're pissed at him, but then you get scared and go running back to him where it's safe. How long can you live like that? One of these days, you're going to have to choose between us once and for all. So, what's it going to be, him or me?"

"That's a good question, Amanda," Dotty said from the shadows where she'd been watching them since Lee had started pleading with her not to make him live without her. Lee and Amanda both turned to find the older woman staring at them, her arms folded tightly across her chest. She took in the disheveled appearance of both of them in front of her and had not a doubt in her mind of what had occurred between them since they'd been out here. She'd seen the passionate embrace just now, but she knew by looking at her Amanda's guilty face and the snippets of conversation she'd just heard, that that embrace was a remnant of something more. She would never have thought it possible, but she had a feeling that her daughter had just been unfaithful to her husband. "I think that's a question that both your husband and this young man here deserve an answer to."

"My answer is the same as it's always been," Amanda said pointedly to Lee.

"Mr. Stetson, I'd like to talk to my daughter in private if you don't mind," Dotty said. "And you should probably find a restroom to clean yourself up a bit," she added with a nod at his appearance.

"Yeah," Lee said. He gave Amanda one more pleading look but at Dotty's stern glare, he quickly left and re-entered the hospital.

As soon as he was gone, Dotty turned on her daughter, her eyes flaring, "Just what the hell do you think you're doing, Young Lady?"

"I don't know what you mean," Amanda said defensively.

"Don't give me that," Doty argued. "I saw what was going on out here, heard your conversation. You were just very clearly having sex with a man who is not your husband. What on earth is going on in that head of yours?"

"No, I didn't," Amanda denied. "I wasn't having sex with him."

"Don't, Amanda," Dotty said. "Don't even try to lie to me. You've never been any good lying to me. Although, it seems you've gotten quite good at lying to yourself."

"No, Mother," Amanda protested. "We didn't have sex." Amanda looked down at the frozen ground guiltily as she thought about how much she had wanted to do just that.

"But you wanted to. Is that it?"

"No, I told him no," Amanda said looking up at her mother. "I don't want that with him."

"Yes, you do, Amanda. Your _friend_ in there was right. You have feelings for him."

"No, I love Joe," Amanda argued.

"That may be true, but it's quite obvious that you're not _in love_ with him, at least not the way a wife should be with her husband, and I get the distinct impression that the feelings you have for your Mr. Stetson are stronger than the ones you have for Joe. He's the one you're in love with and it's obvious that he's deeply in love with you."

"You're wrong, Mother," Amanda flatly denied not wanting to admit to herself that it was true.

"You can deny the truth all you want to yourself, Missy, but not to me and not to Joe. Do you think that he can't sense that there's something wrong in your marriage? There has been even before tonight's shocking revelation that he's not Phillip's father. Do you think I'm blind? When I saw you two at Christmas, I could see the tension between you two." When Amanda just sighed and didn't reply, Dotty continued. "You have two choices here, you can continue on in an unfulfilling marriage and keep lying to yourself and your husband or you can spare yourself and Joe the pain and cut him loose now."

"That would break his heart," Amanda said. "I can't do that to him. Besides, I have Jamie to think about."

"Do you think you'd be doing your child any favors by having him grow up with parents who are clearly not happy together? I understand that the idea of a divorce is painful, but if you really love Joe, you should do the right thing and let him have a chance to find someone who can give him the kind of love he deserves, someone who can make him happy. In the process, you'll make yourself happy too."

"No," Amanda said firmly. "Marriage is supposed to be for life. I made that promise to Joe."

"Fine, have it your way. I can't live your life for you, but you at least owe it to Joe to tell him what happened here tonight, or what almost happened. After keeping this secret from him about your wild night with Mr. Stetson, you owe him that much."

"How can I?"Amanda said gaping at her mother in shock.

"Well, you'd better figure out how, Amanda, because if you don't, I will."

"He'll leave me," Amanda said pitifully.

"If he does, he does, but you'd both be better off ending your marriage over the truth than continuing it based on a lie. However he reacts, it'll be no less than you deserve. You've been lying to him for over three years and you just cheated on him."

"I didn't _cheat _on him," Amanda shouted.

"Maybe not physically, but you did in your heart. Not to mention that the way things were going out here, you very well might have if I hadn't come out here when I did."

"Whose side are you on? _I'm _your daughter," Amanda said.

"Yes, you're my daughter and as your mother, I have always had a responsibility to teach you right from wrong. Even though you're grown up now, that doesn't mean that my responsibility to you has ended. Haven't I always told you that two wrongs don't make a right?"

"Yes, Mother," Amanda answered with a sigh.

"Then don't make it two wrongs by not only cheating on your husband, but lying to him as well. You have to tell him the truth."

"You're right," Amanda conceded a shudder of cold fear striking her as she tried to figure out how she was going to tell him about her almost indiscretion.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The ER doctor arranged to have Phillip admitted and moved to the pediatric ward. They'd gotten his fever down a little, but not enough. They wanted to keep him longer, but told her she should go home and come back in the morning, that there was nothing she could do for him. Amanda returned home two hours later, after her mother insisted that she go home and get some sleep. She walked in, hung her coat up, and found he was still up. He was sitting on the couch, a cocktail glass in one hand, her college yearbook in the other opened to the page with Lee's football picture. Joe had heard her come in, but didn't look up. "I'll never forget you," he said softly.

"Excuse me," Amanda said fear rising up in her. Was he already thinking about leaving her?

"That's what he wrote in your yearbook," Joe explained as he finally looked up at her pointing to the photo of the football team. His gaze then shifted to another photo on the same page of the cheerleading squad. "Makes me wonder what you wrote in his. It's kind of fitting, I guess, if a little cliché, a football player and a cheerleader. I never really had a chance once you met him, did I?"

"Joe, don't," she said as she set her purse down on the kitchen counter and glanced worriedly at the glass in his hand wondering how much he'd had to drink.

"Where've you been? It's three AM," he said looking back at her.

"Where do you think I've been? I've been at the hospital with our son."

"Not our son, Amanda, _his_ son!" he said as he flung the yearbook to the floor angrily, chugged back the remaining liquid in the glass, and slammed it down on the coffee table. He then rose from the couch to approach her. "His son, Amanda, he repeated as he gripped her arms tightly.

Amanda smelled the whiskey on his breath and knew that he'd been drinking for a while, probably since he'd left the hospital. "Let go of me. You're drunk."

"Funny, you had an entirely different reaction when he grabbed you like this earlier. I saw the fire in your eyes, Amanda and it wasn't from anger, It made you hot when he grabbed you like that, didn't it? The way you looked at him...you've never looked at me that way. How long was I gone before you were screwing him again?"

"Joe..."

"How long, Amanda?"He demanded. "I know you slept with him tonight, I can smell his cologne on you."

"No, I didn't, I swear to you, I didn't," she said sorrowfully. "He made a move and I said no." When Joe just glared at her, she knew that he knew that she hadn't told the whole truth. Her mother's words about her owing it to him to be honest rang in her ears. She took a deep breath and added, "But I wanted to. He kissed me and I admit I kissed him back, but I stopped things before they went too far."

"Well, at least you didn't try to insult my intelligence by denying that something happened," he spat out.

"I meant what I said earlier. I have never been unfaithful to you and I never will be." When her husband was silent, she said. "Joe, you should get to bed. You've had too much to drink," she said as she tried to escape from her husband's firm grip. "And you've got a job interview in the morning."

"You are the expert on having too much to drink, aren't you," he fired back. "That's what led to Phillip's conception, wasn't it? So, what's your excuse tonight?"

"I already told you, I told him no and it will _never_ happen again," Amanda said tears forming in her eyes.

"I wish I could believe that, Amanda, but I saw that look you gave him, how much you wanted him. Is that why our sex life drastically changed after that big fight? Why you suddenly became more aggressive, more experimental? Why you never seem completely satisfied? What is it he does for you that I don't? Was he rough with you? Is that how you really like it?" He pinned her against the kitchen counter. "Is this what you want, Amanda! A little danger? Is that what will make you want me as much as you want him?"

Amanda sighed not even trying to release herself from his firm grasp and said, "It's not about me wanting him more than I want you. I don't know how to explain it really. He's just...different, but that doesn't mean that I don't love you. After that night we spent together, when I told him that I was marrying you, he begged me to marry him instead and I said no."

"Maybe you should have said yes, married him instead of me. Then we wouldn't be in this situation," Joe replied.

Amanda shook her head and said, "No, Joe, I love you. I've always loved you."

"I love you, too, Amanda," he said his tone a little calmer relaxing his grip on her. "But I don't know where we go from here. I feel like this must be partially my fault too. There's obviously something about him that attracts you that I don't have."

"Joe, no, It's all me. It's my fault entirely. I was weak."

"No, it's not. Tell me what you want and I'll do it. Tell me what it is that he does to you that I don't."

"He wants me," she answered honestly with a sigh. "He makes me feel desirable, something that I haven't felt from you in a long time."

Joe pulled away from her. "I don't make you feel desirable," He said looking hurt.

"You're kidding right?" Amanda said looking at him incredulously. "Joe, you haven't touched me in six months. You haven't even tried and when I've tried, you've just turned away."

"In case you haven't noticed, things have been a little crazy. You've been working long hours up until having Jamie; I've been busting my ass to finish law school on top of working, followed by studying for the bar."

"That's no excuse, Joe. Our lives have always been hectic."

"Well, on top of that, you were pregnant, Amanda."

"I'm aware of that, but I'm more than just a human incubator. I'm still a woman with needs and desires. Besides, that didn't stop you when I was pregnant with Phillip. What changed with Jamie?"

"That was different. We were newlyweds then, and you didn't start showing as early with Phillip."

"What's that got to do with anything?" A thought crossed Amanda's mind as soon as she asked the question. "You didn't find me attractive anymore because I was heavier, because I gained more weight with Jamie than I did with Phillip. Is that it?"

"No, I thought you were beautiful. You still are. I was just...I was afraid that I would hurt you...hurt the baby."

"All you had to do was say something; you could have told me that was what you were afraid of. We could have worked around it. There are a lot of ways that we can make love that wouldn't have hurt the baby or me. You always have had a hard time trusting me when I say that you won't hurt me. If there was anything you were doing that I didn't want you to do, I would tell you."

"So, why is it that you won't tell me what it is you _do_ want me to do?"

"Because I never thought it would do any good. You know what I think the real problem is? It's always the same thing. I've tried numerous times to get you to lower your inhibitions a little, to try new things, new positions, new ways of pleasing each other, but it always ends the same way. You're so damned repressed that you refuse to think outside the box, to get a little creative with our sex life."

"Maybe you could stand to be a little _more_ repressed," he countered icily. "Maybe then you wouldn't feel the desire to sleep with another man."

"Ok, first of all, I didn't sleep with him..."

"Maybe not, but you just confessed that you wanted to."

"Maybe if I got what I needed from my husband, I wouldn't have that desire," She fired back.

"Oh, so you're blaming me? That's real nice, Amanda," he said. "Just like you blamed me at the hospital for your getting knocked up by him."

"No, I'm not blaming you for anything. I'm sorry I said that. I already told you, the thing in college was a result of too much liquor combined with being upset over our break-up."

"That's just one more way we see things differently. I never thought we broke up. I thought it was just a fight. I was sure that we'd make up and everything would be ok again."

"I wasn't, not when you were telling me that you wanted to cancel all our wedding plans."

"If you recall, Amanda, I never said cancel, I said postpone and if you think about it, I was right. We should have waited." He paused as he thought about it and shook his head. "I guess that wouldn't have worked either. We'd still have had that fight and you'd still have slept with him and gotten pregnant with Phillip, which makes me think even more that he's the one you should have married."

"No," Amanda said again. "I married you because I love you. I want you to know that I didn't even suspect until the day Phillip was born that he wasn't yours. When I found out that I was pregnant, I really believed that you were his father. I never imagined that one night with him would have led to that when you and I spent so much more time together."

"You know, that's not even really the main problem," Joe said. "Mine or not, I still love him as if he's mine and that will never change. The real problem is that you want this other guy more than you want me. I've been sitting here thinking about how many times we've made love where you seemed distracted like you were thinking about something else, only now I realize that you weren't thinking about something else, but _someone_ else, wishing you were with him and not me. That's the part that I don't know if I can live with, always wondering if you're thinking about him, about sleeping with him."

"What you don't understand is that with Lee, it was never just about the sex, it's about the way he makes me feel about myself. He makes me feel sexy and desirable, but I assure you, it's over. When he and I almost..." Amanda couldn't quite form the words.

"Had sex?"Joe supplied.

Amanda nodded. "...he asked me to leave you and marry him and I told him that I want to be with you, only you. When I left the hospital, he asked me to go home with him and I told him no. Instead, I came home to you. I want to make our marriage work. I look at my parents and I see how in love they are after twenty-seven years of marriage and I want that for us."

"Yeah, well, your parents are rather obvious about it," Joe said recalling the words he'd spoken to his in-laws at the hospital.

"Maybe that's part of the problem, the difference between our parents, in how we grew up. I was raised by parents who are openly affectionate with each other and you were raised by parents who keep everything secreted behind closed doors as if they're embarrassed by it."

"You make a good point," Joe said. "Maybe that's just a sign that you and I don't belong together. We see things too differently."

"Don't say that, Joe, we can work this out," Amanda gently caressed his face. "I want to work this out. I know that you're terribly hurt and angry and I don't know how you'll ever be able to forgive me for keeping this from you, but I promise you from this day forward, I will never keep anything from you again."

Joe looked at his wife, saw the sincerity in her eyes, the love he knew she felt for him and decided to take a chance. He kissed her softly, gently pressing his lips to hers and trying to gauge her reaction. Amanda's response was to slide her arms up around his neck to deepen the kiss. He then kissed her more forcefully demanding entrance to her mouth when she gave him willingly, wanting to combat the horrible guilt she felt by giving in to him, but also because she desperately needed to feel desired by her husband. Joe pulled back abruptly backing away from her.

"Joe, don't stop, please," she begged him as she took a step forward to close the gap between them sliding her arms up his chest to rest on his shoulders. "I need you." She brushed her lips to his, wrapped her arms around his neck, tugged on the back of his head to pull him to her.

Joe slid his arms down to her waist and backed her up against the kitchen counter again, groaning as Amanda moved her lips to his neck, "Amanda," he whispered as he did the same to her ravaging the tender pulse point on her neck.

Amanda gasped at the contact throwing her head back to allow him to continue while she ran her hands back down his chest and slipped them under his shirt caressing his bare skin underneath. She then moved her hands lower to his belt but felt his hands on hers, stopping her.

Joe lifted his head from her neck and said, "Amanda, stop. We can't. You haven't been released by the doctor yet."

"I don't care," she said. "I need you, Joe. Please, don't stop." When he only stared at her, she pleaded with him, "Please, touch me."

At seeing the desperate look of desire in her eyes, Joe relented, kissed her firmly, and then said, "Let's go upstairs."

Amanda shook her head and said, "Right here." She then moved her hands back to his belt to free him from his pants. She gasped as his hands moved under her skirt, pushed her panties to one side and stroked her center, her desire building. "Now,' she cried. She ran her fingers through his hair as he thrust up into her as hard as he could, lifting her against the counter to drive himself deeper as he kissed her passionately. She cried out at the mixture of pleasure and pain that caused, with her body still tender from giving birth to Jamie. She didn't fight him, though. She had needed him for so long.

He tore his mouth from hers and asked, "Is this how you like it?" He pulled back to drive into her hard again. At seeing her wince, he stopped for a moment. "Oh, God, I'm hurting you.

Amanda looked back at him; saw that his eyes were filled with a mixture of passion and fear. "Don't stop," she pleaded as she tugged on his head to pull him in for another kiss, teasing his lips with her tongue. She broke the kiss, stared straight into his eyes and said in a raspy passion-filled voice, "Don't stop," she repeated. Amanda removed one from his head to brace herself against the counter and pushed downward against him.

Joe followed her lead and started up again, pounding into her burying his face in her neck biting down on the tender skin there. "This is how you like it best isn't it, hard and fast?"

Amanda gasped at the sensation of his teeth against her neck knowing that it was going to leave a mark. "No, not fast. Just hard," she choked out.

Joe got the message and slowed his movements, but continued with the same force, but was soon dismayed that she had closed her eyes. "Don't Amanda," he said as he gripped the back of her head. "Don't close your eyes. Look at me. I need to know that it's me you're thinking about."

Amanda locked her eyes on him, never breaking eye contact with him as he ground into her repeatedly until she was shuddering with her release, the pleasure overriding the pain. "Yes, Joe, yes," she cried out as her climax took her over his soon following. She cried out his name again as she felt him exploding inside her.

Joe collapsed against her his breathing heavy. "I love you," he whispered against her neck. He knew he'd hurt her just now, knew that she'd be bruised and sore as a result, knew she wasn't even completely healed from giving birth to his son. He felt a wave of revulsion sweep over him at what he'd just done to her.

He felt her hands on his shoulders squeezing lightly, "I love you, too."

He raised his head to face her and said, "I'm sorry."

"You don't have anything to apologize for. I do. I should have told you a long time ago what happened that weekend that we were apart and I didn't. I was just so happy that you and I were back on track and I didn't want to ruin things when we were about to get married. I'm completely ashamed of myself for what I've done to you. I know I've hurt you terribly and I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I want to do everything I can to make it up to you. I know it doesn't seem like it, but I really do love you."

"I don't mean about that. I hurt you tonight, Amanda," Joe said as his fingers lightly touched the bruise on her arm where he'd grabbed her, then the one on her neck where he'd bitten down on it.

"No, not really," Amanda said knowing that he wasn't just talking about the bruises on her arm or neck.

"Amanda, don't try to make me feel better by lying to me."

"I'm not. Ok, yes, it hurt at first because I'm not fully healed yet, but that only lasted a short time and tonight was the most exciting our sex life has ever been. I needed this, _have_ needed this for a long time. You've gotten so into the habit of just thinking of me as a mother that you've forgotten to think of me as a woman, as your lover."

"I promise you, I will never make that mistake again," Joe said as he kissed her tenderly.

"And I promise that I will never hide my real feelings from you again."

"It's late, Amanda. We should get some sleep. We should talk about this more in the morning when we both have clearer heads."

"You're probably right," she agreed as she reached for his hand squeezing it affectionately. He gripped her hand tightly as they ascended the stairs to their bedroom together.


	6. 1975-Part 3

**December 29, 1975, 6:00AM**

Lee Stetson awoke stiff and sore, having spent a fitful night in the waiting room in the pediatric wing awaiting news of his son's condition. He'd been told by the doctors and by Amanda's parents that he should go home, but he'd refused after Amanda had turned down his offer to stay at his place since it was closer to the hospital. Truth be told, that wasn't the only reason he'd suggested it. He wanted her with him, want another chance to prove to her that she belonged with him and not her husband. He wanted to hold her in his arms through the night like he had the first time they'd spent the night together, wanted to wake up next to her like he hadn't gotten to do that first time. She'd bolted before that could happen, leaving him only a note. He rose from the uncomfortable chair he'd spent the night in rubbing his stiff neck. He was in dire need of coffee. He made his way to the elevator to take him to the ground floor where he knew there was a vending room down the hall from the ER. He trudged his way to the coffee machine and dropped some coins in it, making his selection. As he waited for his coffee to brew, his mind wandered back to the events of the previous night after he'd returned from to the ER.

_He entered the men's room that was situated right off of the ER waiting room. He glanced at himself in the mirror and saw exactly what Dotty West had been talking about regarding his appearance. His hair was sticking out in all directions, he had Amanda's lipstick all over his face and on his neck just below his ear. His clothes were rumpled. Well, he could fix that. He took off his coat, hung it on the hook on the door, shucked off the scrubs he'd stolen and tossed them aside; now wearing the jeans and t-shirt he had on underneath them. He turned the water on and used some paper towels to wash off the lipstick smudges and found that there was more_ _than just lipstick underneath it. Amanda had left her mark on him where she'd suckled his neck. It wasn't large, but was noticeable. He smiled at the memory of it, but the smile soon faded as it hit him that their reconciliation had been short-lived, just like their original romance had been. _

_Lee knew that she had every intention of going back to her husband even after the way he'd treated her tonight, just as she'd done after Joe King had broken her heart at twenty-two. The thought of it made him utterly sick. He'd hurt her which had led to them getting together in the first place, leading to Phillip's conception and he had the nerve to call her a whore? Why was she still willing to go back to him after that? Did she love him that much? He knew from that their encounter tonight that she didn't have the same desire for her husband that she had for him, but that was no consolation when he still didn't have a shot with her. He had to do something to change that. _

_He exited the men's room and found that Amanda and her mother had still not re-entered the ER. He walked back to the waiting area and was immediately confronted by her father. "Let's take a walk, Son," Carl West said firmly clapping his hand on Lee's back, clearly not willing to take no for an answer. They walked together toward the vending room down the hall. "Coffee?" He said as he reached into his pocket for some coins for the coffee machine._

_"Yeah, that'd be good," Lee replied. _

_While they waited for their coffee, Carl West turned to him and said, "I'd like to know what exactly your intentions are with my daughter. She's a married woman, you know."_

_"Yeah, I'm well aware of that," Lee said bitterly._

_"My god, you've got it bad for her, don't you?" the older man said as he handed Lee a cup of coffee and dropped more coins in the machine for himself._

_"Does it matter? She's made it clear that she doesn't want me in her life, that she'll allow me to be a part of Phillip's life but not hers," He said as he took a sip of the bitter coffee machine brew. "I don't know if I can live like that."_

_"You're a mystery to me, Son. You said that you've known since the day he was born that Phillip was your son, yet you've never shown a shred of interest in being a part of his life until now, so what's changed?"_

_"When Amanda and I said good-bye after our graduation, she told me in no uncertain terms that she was happy with Joe, that she intended to marry him and asked me to leave her alone."_

_"Hmmm," the older man said as he turned and reached for his coffee that had just finished brewing taking a small sip of it before turning back to Lee and continuing, "I guess I was wrong, then."_

_"Wrong about what," Lee asked defensively._

_"When I first saw you last night, the look on your face, and the hurt in your eyes when Amanda said you were a mistake, the way you looked just now, I thought that meant that you were in love with her."_

_"I am. God, I love her so much it kills me that she'd rather be with a man who's hurt her repeatedly and I can't do a damn thing about it."_

_"No, I don't think so," Carl West argued. "If you were that in love with her, you'd have fought for her the first time around and not let her marry a man who's nowhere near good enough for her. The two of you could be raising your child together."_

_"Don't you think I tried? I begged her to give me another chance and she shot me down. Then when I saw her on graduation day with him looking so happy, I...I don't know...I guess I just gave up. I couldn't destroy her happiness...I...um...I've kept a close watch on her and my son since then. I know that makes me sound like a crazy person, but I wanted to make sure that she was happy, that Phillip's happy, healthy and until tonight, I've kept my distance just like she asked me to. I saw no reason to interfere as long as my son was being taken care of and as long as she was happy. But when I saw how that man treated her tonight, the way he spoke to her, I...just...I couldn't keep my distance any longer, couldn't keep quite any longer."_

_"Hmmm," Carl West said again as he thoughtfully sipped at his coffee. It was a long moment before either spoke again. "Look, I don't know you, but I do know my daughter and she's a damned stubborn woman, just like her mother. So, here's my advice to you. If you really love her, go back to keeping your distance."_

_Lee looked at him in surprise, "But you just said that if I loved her, I should have fought for her," he argued._

_"That was then, this is now," Carl said pointedly. "Things are different now. She and Joe have a newborn child together. It's too late for you to fight for her now. She made her choice to marry him and I believe in the sanctity of marriage. As much as I can see that you love my daughter and my grandson, and as much as I dislike my son-in-law, I have to stand by that. Now, whether or not you and Amanda are able to work something out regarding Phillip is between the two of you and I will support whatever agreement you may come to on that even if I don't believe that's the best course of action. You were right in what you said earlier. You have rights as a father, but that doesn't give you the right to Amanda, or to intrude on her marriage, whether it's a happy one or not. That is between her and her husband and not your business or mine. Honestly, I think the best thing for everyone concerned is for you to walk away. Phillip doesn't know that you're his father and he's been well cared-for by the man he knows as his father. "_

_"So, I'm just supposed to forget that I have a son? Walk away and go on with my life as if nothing ever happened? Is that what you're saying?"_

_"That's exactly what I'm saying. There is no need to disrupt that little boy's life when he's perfectly happy as he is. It would just confuse him. He's not even three yet."_

_"So you just don't care that your daughter's clearly not happy?"Lee said hotly._

_"No, I do care. It makes me sad that she's settled for less than what she deserves in marrying Joe King, but it's not up to me. It's her life and if she made a mistake in marrying him, as I believe she did, it's up to her to figure that out. Nobody, not you, not me, not her mother, __**nobody**__ can do that for her, except her. I'd love to tell her to end it now and put both of them out of their misery, but I can't. One, it's not my place to make that decision and, two; she wouldn't listen to me even if I did. Like I said, she's stubborn."_

_"Yeah," Lee said knowing all too well just how stubborn she was. _

Lee shook his head, shaking off the memory of his conversation with Amanda's father, took a sip of his coffee and headed back toward the elevator to take him back up to the pediatric ward. He paused and peered into his son's room finding that he was just waking up. He stepped cautiously into the room, gazed down at the boy before sitting on the edge of the bed. "Hi, Buddy," he said with a warm smile. "How are you feeling?"

"Mommy,' the little boy croaked in a pleading tone.

"I'm sorry, Chief, your mommy's not here right now. She went home to get some sleep," He said as he brushed back the sweat-soaked hair from his son's flushed face. He felt a moment of panic envelop him as he noticed immediately how hot his skin was. He rose quickly intending to get a doctor until he was halted by Phillip's voice again.

"Daddy," Phillip called.

Lee's heart leapt at that one word until he turned to look back at the child and realized that he wasn't calling him "daddy". Since his mom wasn't there, he wanted his dad instead or at least the man he knew as his dad. He approached him again and said, "I'm sorry, Kiddo, your daddy's not here either," but silently added _yes, he is. _He wanted desperately to say it, but Carl West's words of the night before kept ringing in his ears; instead, he said, "I'm going to find someone to take care of you." With that, he left the room and went on a frantic search for a doctor. He made his way to the nurse's station startling the women there as he demanded, "Who's taking care of Phillip King? The boy's burning up and there's nobody in there with him! Where's his damn doctor?"

"He's making his rounds," a nurse answered. "He should be back to check on Phillip in a moment."

"In a moment isn't good enough," Lee said impatiently. "Have you taken his temperature lately? His skin feels like it's on fire!"

"Sir, you're going to have to calm down. Getting upset isn't going to do anybody any good."

"Upset? I'm not upset! I'm beyond upset! I am furious! What the hell kind of hospital is this when you just leave a sick two-year-old unattended like that? Anything could happen to him and you people don't seem to give a damn! This is my kid we're talking about here!"

"_You're _the child's father," a male from inquired from his left.

Lee turned that direction to see who'd just spoken found himself face-to-face with a sixty-something, slightly balding, pudgy doctor who was a full head shorter than him, and replied, "Yes, I am."

"I'm Dr. Joel Elias, I've been looking after him," he said calmly peering over his glasses at the desperate-looking young man in front of him. He'd dealt with enough frantic, worried parents over the years to know how to keep his cool. "I was just looking over his case to follow-up on what the ER doctors did for him last night," he said indicating the clipboard in his hand. He then turned to the nurse and said, "Can you get young Mr. King's vitals?" The nurse nodded and quickly exited. "Let's take a walk," he said nodding in the direction of the waiting room. When they reached the room, he indicated for Lee to take a seat.

"I'll stand, thanks," Lee said defiantly as he folded his arms across his chest. "I just want to know what you're doing for my son."

"You're not Mr. King, I presume," The doctor said as more of a statement than a question having read the lab results of the night before.

"No," Lee answered. "Lee Stetson."

Dr. Elias nodded, "Well, Mr. Stetson, I know that you want to know what's going on here, but since you're not legally tied to the boy, there's only so much that I can tell you without Mrs. King's permission."

"Legally or not, I _am_ tied to him," Lee said impatiently. "I'll take a paternity test or whatever I have to do to prove it. Besides, it's not like his mother's here to give her permission. I'm the closest thing to family he's got here right now. Just tell me what the hell is going on! He's been on some kind of antibiotic since last night and they said he was stable. Now, he's not."

Dr. Elias sighed and answered, "The real problem is that there are limited antibiotics we can give him. The child has a severe anaphylactic reaction to Penicillin." Lee ran a hand through his hair in frustration at the doctor's words as he realized that in probably inherited that reaction from him. "You don't seem surprised."

"No, I have the same reaction."

"We have him on something fairly new called Tobramycin. While it's slowly killing the bacterial infection, it's also killing other cells and can eventually lead to kidney damage with multiple doses so we're trying to limit how much we give him; between the infection and the drug, Phillip's body is not producing enough new blood cells to keep up with the ones that are dying off. With a lower-than-normal white blood cell count, that's making it extremely hard for him to fight off this infection."

Lee nodded in understanding as he remembered the overheard conversation that had led to the accusations that Joe King had hurled at his wife. "What about a transfusion? That would help, right?"

"Yes, it would help immensely in building up his immune system, but the difficulty, as I'm sure you discovered, last night is that Mr. King is not a compatible donor."

"What about his mother? She'd be compatible, wouldn't she?"

"She is, but she's a nursing mother. Until she's at least reached the six-week mark since giving birth, she can't donate blood."

Lee sighed, his frustration level increasing. He felt as if he were to blame. After all, Phillip's Penicillin allergy had come from him. It was then, that another thought occurred to him. If Phillip had inherited his drug allergy, wouldn't they have other biological similarities? "What about me?"Lee said. "I'm his actual father. Wouldn't I be a match for him? I mean, I _am_ his father by blood, if not by name."

"We'd have to do some testing to be sure. Are you willing to do that?"

"I'll do whatever it takes to help my son," Lee said adamantly. He hated doctors and tests, and especially needles, but he wasn't about to let Phillip suffer any longer than was necessary. He cringed a little at the thought, took a deep breath and said, "If that means you have to use me as a human pin cushion then let's get started."

"Ok," Dr. Elias said with a warm smile.

Two hours later, Lee sat as his sleeping son's bedside, holding his smaller hand in his as he watched his own blood slowly dripping through the IV, silently praying that it would do the trick. The nurses were in and out about every fifteen minutes, checking Phillip's vital signs to make sure he wasn't having an adverse reaction to the transfusion. With his free hand, he once more brushed Phillip's hair away from his face comforted that his skin, while still warm, was noticeably cooler than it had been. He bent and placed a soft kiss to his son's forehead.

"Oh, my gosh," Amanda's voice sounded from the doorway a hint of panic in her voice. Lee released Phillip's hand and turned toward her. "What are you still doing here?"

"I told you last night that I'm not leaving until I know he's going to be ok," Lee said firmly.

"You shouldn't be here," Amanda said awkwardly. "Joe's going to be here in a little while and he'll be livid if he sees you."

"I don't really give a damn what he thinks," Lee fired back hotly.

Amanda yanked on his arm at hearing the rising tone in his voice and said, "We shouldn't be having this conversation here," with a nod at the sleeping child. "We might wake him."

"Fine," Lee said as he followed her out of Phillip's room toward the waiting room.

"Why did you stay?" Amanda said. "Really, I mean. I know it's not just out of some overwhelming fatherly concern."

"Does it matter?"Lee replied tensely. "I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."

"I'm his mother," Amanda said. "I could have security throw you out of here in a heartbeat, you know."

"You could try," he said challengingly. "I was trained by the FBI, remember?"

"Oh, is that how it's going to be? You're going to use your government training to force your way into my life and my son's life just like you've been using it to keep tabs on me, which by the way, I find a bit creepy," she said as she removed her coat and flung it aside in irritation.

Lee's eyes flared in anger as her taking her coat off had exposed the purplish love bite on her neck. "You wanna' talk about creepy?" He said as he reached out to touch the mark on her neck. "How about you letting him do this to you after the way he treated you last night? What are you, a glutton for punishment?"

Amanda pulled back from his touch and said, "That is none of your business."

"So, what? Was I just your appetizer to whet your appetite for dessert with him?"He said as he closed the gap between them again, his hurt making him temporarily forget the advice Carl West had given him the night before.

Amanda skittered away from him again, unnerved by his nearness. "Like I said, it's none of your business. I told you last night that I'm married and I intend to stay that way. My God, you have no shame, do you?"

"Do you?" he countered. "You can try to deny it all you want, Amanda, but I know what I felt when you were in my arms last night. You wanted me every bit as much as I wanted you."

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I do," she answered. "I am completely ashamed of myself for the way I behaved with you last night. I should never have let you touch me like that. You just caught me at a moment of weakness."

"I think he's the one who caught you at a moment of weakness," Lee said. "You were already all worked up from what I was doing to you and you couldn't live with the guilt so you gave him pity access." Lee saw Amanda raise her hand as if to slap him again, but this time stopped her, expertly capturing both of her hands in his. "Not this time," he said.

"Let's get this straight, here and now. Joe is my husband and nothing that I do with him is any of your concern. You and I only had one night together and I've had a lot more than one night with him and plan to have many more. I will not let you make me feel guilty for making love to my husband."

"Just let me ask you this then? Is it as good with him as it was with me? Did you scream out his name, the way you screamed out mine? Did you beg for more like you did with me?" He tugged on her hands to pull her closer. "Does he get you hot just by touching you like I do? Do you have the same passion for him that you do for me?"

Amanda wrenched her hands from his grasp and said, "God, that's one hell of an ego you've got! What makes you think that you're any better than any he is? If I didn't feel any passion for him, I wouldn't have given birth to his son just a month ago."

Lee sighed as her words sank in. "Yeah, I guess you're right. Just tell me what I'm supposed to do here, Amanda."

Before Amanda could answer, they were interrupted by Dr. Elias clearing his throat loudly. Both of them turned their attention to him. "Are you Mrs. King?" he asked.

"Yes," Amanda answered.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Elias," he said. "I've been treating your son."

"How is he?"Amanda asked worriedly.

"Things are looking up," the doctor said with a smile, "Thanks to this young man here." He then went on to explain to her what had been done in the last two hours. It was then that Amanda noticed the bandage on Lee's left arm; something that had escaped her attention during their volatile encounter. "It seems to be doing the trick. It'll still be a couple more hours before we know anything for sure, but his fever's already down to 100.6, which is drastic improvement from the 103 it was early this morning. We're monitoring him very closely until the transfusion is complete to make sure it's having the desired effect and make sure he doesn't have any adverse reaction to it. I'll keep you informed as we go along here."

"Thank you, Dr. Elias," Amanda said with a grateful smile. The doctor nodded and left. Amanda then turned that smile to Lee, gestured toward his bandaged arm and said, "And thank you for doing this."

"He's my son, Amanda. You'd have done the same thing if you could have, wouldn't you?"

"Of course," she answered. "Joe would have too, if he could."

Lee snorted in response and said, "That's what started this whole thing, isn't it? He wanted to help and found out he couldn't, then he couldn't deal with the truth."

"Put yourself in his shoes," Amanda said. "How would you feel if the situation were reversed? He had a big shock and he needed time to figure things out, but regardless of the fact that he's not Phillip's father, he still loves him as if he is and that will never change. He really is a wonderful father."

"If he's such a wonderful father, then where is he now?"

"He'll be here. He had a job interview to go to this morning. He dropped me off and he'll be back when his interview's over."

"Oh, so he may actually get a real job now?"

"Stop it," Amanda said. "He's been working like crazy to finish law school to get to this point and it'll be better for our family in the long run. He is a good man who loves him family and wants to do what's best for us." She paused as she thought for a moment. "I should really be in there with Phillip. I don't want him to be alone if he wakes up."

"You didn't seem to be thinking about that this morning," he replied. "If I hadn't been here, he would have woken up alone. Of course, I don't know why I'm even surprised. I should have learned three years ago that you have a talent for letting guys wake up alone."

"Look, rehashing the past isn't going to change anything. I already said I'm sorry for what I did to you back then, but I can't do anything about it now. I don't want to discuss this anymore. I should never have let myself get distracted by you last night. I should have stayed by Phillip's side. I'm his mother. I neglected my responsibility to him by getting caught up with you and I will never do that again. Now, if you'll excuse me, my son needs me." Before he could say another word, she pushed past him and back into Phillip's room. She sat in this chair by his bedside and reached for his hand.

"You're right," Lee said softly as he stepped into the room and stood behind her. "But you forgot one thing, I'm his father and I was guilty of neglecting my responsibility to him too. I've been doing that since the day he was born."

"No, Lee, It's not your fault," she said without turning around wanting to keep her focus solely on her son. "I told you to go away and you did. I never tried to contact you when I suspected that you were Phillip's father."

"It doesn't matter. I knew that he was my son and did nothing about it."

"Lee, I never expected anything from you where Phillip is concerned," Amanda argued.

"That doesn't matter either," he replied. "I should have expected more out of myself. My parents would have. In a way, I'm glad they're not here to see me the way I am now. They'd be so ashamed of me."

Amanda finally turned to face him and said, "No, you have nothing to be ashamed of. I'm the one who, what was it you said last night...made you feel used. It's no wonder you didn't want to come around for Phillip."

"Well, I want to make up for that," Lee said. He paused a moment as he reflected back on Carl West's lecture to him. "It doesn't have to change anything. He doesn't have to know that I'm his father, but I want to help."

"What do you mean?"

"I know that you and...uh...Joe...have been...um...struggling...financially, I mean...and I make a decent living. I could...you know...help out. I _should_. He's my responsibility. I owe you."

"No," Amanda said. "I don't want your money. You don't owe me anything."

"I owe Phillip," Lee said firmly. "I should have been paying child support all this time."

"No," Amanda repeated knowing that Joe would never approve of accepting money from him.

"Amanda, you have to let me do something."

"You've already done enough, just by giving him what he needed. The way the doctor talks, it may very well have saved his life." She turned back to face her son, turning her back on Lee again and unknowingly on her husband as well who'd just stepped into the doorway behind Lee. At seeing the other man there, Joe hung back a bit not wanting to make his presence known until he knew for sure what was going on.

"No, Amanda, it's not enough. You were right in what you said last night. I haven't taken an interest in my parental rights before now and I should have. I should have been there for him, for you, before now."

Amanda sighed and said, "You've got to stop including me in this, Lee. Yes, you have a right to your son, but that doesn't include a right to me as well. I love Joe and I told you last night that if you want to be a part of Phillip's life, we could work something out, but not between you and me. You and I were over before we ever really got started."

"That was your choice, not mine," He said bitterly but still trying to keep his voice down so as not to wake his sleeping son.

"And it's a choice that I stand by," she said as she smoothed Phillip's hair back away from his sweaty face as Lee had done earlier. "Listen, I gave my heart to Joe and while you'll always have a place in it because you gave me Phillip, that's as far as it goes. I care for you, but I love him."

"Yet, you won't look me in the eye and say that. You know that I'd take one look at you and know that you're lying, not only to me, but to yourself." He stepped forward, placed his hands on her shoulders and said, "Come on, Amanda. Turn around and look at me. If you can look me in the eye and honestly tell me that you don't feel something for me, I'll walk away right now and never look back.

"I _do_ feel something for you." As he listened, Joe flinched at hearing that. "I told you that, but what I feel for you, it's not enough," she said with a sigh. "I can't count on you. You've proven that by staying away so long. Don't you remember what I told you about what upset the most about the fight I had with Joe the night we spent together?"

"Yeah, I remember," Lee said. "You said that what hurt you more than anything was that he didn't come after you when you walked away, like he didn't feel you were worth fighting for." Realization dawned on him at his own words combined with her father telling him that he should have fought for her three years ago. "So, what you're saying is, if I'd fought harder for you back then, we might have had a chance?"

"We'll never know and it's too late to find out now," Amanda said softly. "There's no going back. I made a commitment to my husband, not only to him, but to my children as well. I let myself forget about my motherly duty last night, but from this day forward, my first priority has to be to do what's best for my babies."

"And I suppose it doesn't matter to you that one of those babies is mine too," He said as he placed his hand over hers atop Phillip's.

"He doesn't know that and like you said, he doesn't need to. Joe is his father legally and in every other sense that matters. Whether you want to believe it or not, I really do love him and I'm not going to leave him. I hurt him terribly and if I have to, I'm going to spend the rest of my life making it up to him. I'm going to make my marriage work, no matter what."

"I guess that's it then," Lee said. He gently turned her to face him, and then leaned in and whispered softly in her ear the words he wrote in her yearbook, "I'll never forget you." He then brushed a soft kiss against her lips then pulled back to gaze at her, hoping against hope that he'd see some response in her eyes. When what he saw in her eyes were unshed tears, he said, "Amanda?"

"Please, don't," she said blinking back the tears as she abruptly rose from her seat and turned away from him again to find Joe standing there. "Joe," she said running to him and embracing him burying her head against his neck.

Joe responded by wrapping his arms around his wife, kissing the top of her head, then saying to Lee, "I think it's time for you to leave."

"Long past time," Lee said as he pushed his way past them and out into the corridor. He took one last look at Amanda and soon wished he hadn't when he saw her locked in a romantic kiss with her husband. He shook his head in sadness and walked away.

Joe and Amanda King ended their kiss and stepped fully into the room, Joe asked, "So, how's he doing?"

"He's getting better," Amanda said. "He...um...he got the blood transfusion that he needed and the doctor said it seemed to be helping so far. All we can do now is wait."

"_His _blood, I'm guessing," Joe said having noticed the other man's bandaged arm.

"Does it matter?" It's helping him," Amanda said.

'No, I guess it doesn't," Joe said as he kept one arm around his wife and reach down with the other to take Phillip's hand. He was quiet for a moment then asked, "So, is he going to be coming around now?"

"Why would you ask something like that? I thought we were clear on this last night."

"We were," Joe said, "And I heard what you said to him just now, so I believe you when you say you want our marriage to work, but I also heard what he said last night about having a right to see his child and he's not entirely wrong. If you'd chosen him over me, I wouldn't want you keeping me from Jamie."

"I would never do that to you," Amanda said. "You're his father."

"And he's Phillip's. So, what does that mean? Are you going to give him visitation rights?"

"I don't know. He didn't ask for any," Amanda answered. "I suppose now that he had a test done proving that he's his father, I can't legally keep him away if he wants to see him. You're the lawyer, though, you'd know about the legal stuff than me."

"Yeah," he said. He was quiet for a long moment as he thought about everything that had happened since last night; their fight, the cruel way that he'd treated his wife, her reaction to the way her former lover had grabbed her. His mind then drifted to the thoughts that had crossed his mind when he'd found her college yearbook and had seen the way he signed it and realized that he was still carrying a torch for her, followed by their wild lovemaking in the kitchen, the conversation he's just overheard and the interview he'd had with the Emergency Aid Organization. All those things combined made him come to a decision. "I was offered the job today at the EAO and I'm going to take it," he said decisively.

"What? Why?"Amanda said startled knowing that it meant he would be traveling constantly when they should be working on getting closer, not putting more distance between them.

"You know that I've always wanted to put my law degree to good use to help make the world a better place. This will give me the opportunity to do that," he said in an attempt to justify his decision.

"I know that, Sweetheart," Amanda said, "But You've been interning with the EPA for two years now and they offered you a full-time job now that you've passed the bar exam. You could save the world working for them and not have to leave our family behind to do it."

"I know I'd be doing good work with the EPA too, but this job would allow me to help people in underprivileged countries who really need it. Besides, who said anything about leaving our family behind? They make allowances for families. We could all travel together," Joe said. "Think about it, Amanda, you and me, getting to see the world together. It'd be romantic."

"Joe, no," Amanda argued. "It wouldn't be that romantic, not knowing where we'd be living or if we'd have to live in a hut or a tent. We've got a home here."

"We could rent the house out while we're gone," Joe suggested. "The EAO would make sure that we have a place to live wherever I'd be assigned to. Like I said, they do everything they can to accommodate families. Come on, just think about it."

"Ok, but what about medical facilities," Amanda countered. "Look how sick Phillip's been. What would we do if something like this happened again? We couldn't guarantee that if one of the boys got sick, that they'd get the care they need, not when people who live in those places are already lacking in care."

"That's why they need people like us to help them. You could even use your degree to help too. You've already got teaching experience."

"I don't think it would be good for the boys. They're too little," Amanda argued.

"What better time to travel with them? It'd be a lot better to do it now before they're old enough to start school."

"No, Joe, no," she said firmly. "I'm not willing to drag my children all over hell's half-acre and not knowing what we may find when we get there. It's not safe for them."

"Or maybe you just really didn't mean what you said about trying to work things out," Joe said bitterly.

"I meant every word of it," Amanda said, "But I don't see why that means we need to uproot the boys from their home. How do you think it will affect them not having a stable home life?"

"It doesn't have to be forever. We could come back home before Phillip starts school. I doubt they'd even be old enough to remember it."

"And this in no way an attempt on your part to get us out of the country so Lee can't ask for visitation rights," she questioned.

Joe had to admit to himself that the thought had occurred to him, but he wasn't so much worried about him visiting Phillip as he was having the other man being a constant presence in his wife's life, reminding her again of what she was missing by marrying him. If they were traveling together, his rival for his wife's heart would have no way of contacting her and making her doubt her decision to stand by their marriage. "No, Amanda, this has nothing to do with that," he lied. "This is just a really great opportunity and it's one I don't think I should pass up. Will you at least consider it before saying no?"

"How soon do you have to give them an answer?" she asked.

"They want to know by January 12th. They have a job that needs filled by the 15th," he answered. "That gives you two weeks to think about it."

"Ok, I'll think about it," she said. "But for right now, I want to concentrate on Phillip getting better." Amanda turned her attention back to her son her mind in a whirl While she'd said she'd think about it to stop their debate, she already knew without thinking about it what her answer would be.


	7. 1976-Part 1

Author's Note: So, once again, I have an installment that will need to be split into multiple chapters due to length. The 1976 installment, like the 1975 one, will most likely be split into three chapters. Thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed this sordid tale. Hope you enjoy this as well.

Lanie

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**July 1, 1976**

Lee Stetson sat in his briefing getting madder by the minute as his section chief was lecturing him on how he was handling his latest assignment and how dismissive he'd been of the DEA agent he was assigned to work with. "You will treat Agent Saunders with the respect she deserves from this point forward," Billy Melrose bellowed.

"Come on, Billy!" Lee argued. "You know how much I hate these inter-agency assignments! Why me?"

"You already know why. One of the suspects in Agent Saunders' drug-trafficking case is an old college classmate of yours, Jim Saarinan. You played football with him and you were fraternity brothers."

"For one whole year," Lee said sarcastically. "And I haven't talked to him since we graduated. It's not like we're bosom buddies knocking back a beer every weekend."

"Which it why this holiday weekend is the perfect cover with some of your old fraternity brothers getting together at Hilton Head Island. Now, you'll go in there with Agent Saunders here as part of your cover."

"As what, my secretary?"He said with a snide glare at the agent in question.

"Your wife," Billy said with a grin.

"Are you crazy, Billy! No way! Absolutely not! I'd rather work this alone!"

"Believe me, the idea of pretending to be married to you doesn't thrill me anymore that it does you. You are an arrogant, insensitive horse's ass!" Agent Saunders said icily. "But this is _my_ case and you are not going in there without me. You're only along for the ride to get inside because you know these people."

"She's right, Scarecrow," Billy said. "This is her case. You're to go in there, make nice with your old friends, introduce them to your "wife," just old friends catching up and celebrating the country's bicentennial together while you figure out who the brains behind this outfit is."

"Why does it not surprise me that you don't suspect Saarinan of being the brains?" Lee said. "He never was the sharpest tool in the shed." That was evident by the fact that he knew Jim had once dated Amanda. He remembered once asking Jim about her when they'd watched the cheerleaders at practice on the football field once their own practice had ended and Jim had informed him that he'd dated her during his freshman year. He couldn't imagine the guy being stupid enough to let Amanda out of his grasp. _You're just as guilty of being that stupid, _he thought as he reflected back on Carl West's words to him about how he should have fought for her from the beginning and how it was too late now. He thought of that day in her room at the sorority house and how much he'd wanted to take her right there up against the door and now was thinking that if he had given into that impulse, maybe she'd be married to him now and not Joe King. He was jarred out of his thoughts by the annoying Agent Saunders' voice.

"It's imperative that we find out where these drugs are coming from and stop them from continually being brought into this country," Agent Saunders explained

"Ooh, imperative, is it?" Lee said sarcastically irritated that her grating voice had intruded on his thoughts of Amanda. "Who the hell talks like that?"

"Fuck you, Stetson!" she fired back. "Is that better?"

"You wish, Baby," He said with a suggestive leer at her. "I'm thinking you couldn't handle me."

"That's enough!" Billy snapped having lost his patience with his hotheaded agent. "Scarecrow, you will not utter another disrespectful word to Agent Saunders while you're working together or I will write you up so fast it'll make Superman look like an eighty-year-old granny with a walker! Now, get your ass in gear, go home and get packed for this trip. That's an order."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," he grumbled as he exited his boss's office, not liking it one bit, but knowing he had no choice.

Billy sighed and stared after Lee as he walked through the bullpen shaking his head and wondering just what had happened to him to make him so closed off to other people. He's seen enough of his record to know that there was a dead female agent involved, but couldn't help thinking there was something more going on. He'd heard all the water cooler gossip about how he was The Agency's resident Lothario and was saddened by it. He knew that if the younger man would put half the effort into relationships that he put toward the job, he'd make some woman very happy some day. In the past year since Lee Stetson had been assigned to his unit after he'd requested a transfer out of the Oz Network, he'd seen already that he had a very giving heart. That much was obvious in how much he cared about protecting his charges and his fellow agents on assignments, but he never allowed that side of himself to show in his personal interactions. He desperately hoped one day that there would be a woman strong enough and patient enough to see past the walls he put up around his heart and help him to tear them down.

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Amanda was frazzled down to her last nerve as she tried in vain to straighten up the living room. For the fourth time in twenty minutes seven and half month old Jamie had lobbed his bottle across the room from his swing while three-year old Phillip laughed gleefully while he energetically banged a pair of alphabet blocks against the surface of the coffee table. It was as if her boys had conspired against her to make it a competition to see which one could drive her crazy first, which she knew was impossible since Jamie couldn't yet talk. He'd just starting holding his own bottle about a month or so ago. She picked up the bottle yet again and knelt in front of the baby swing, setting the bottle down on its plastic tray and said in an exasperated tone, "Jamie, baby, you _have _to eat. Now, are you going to cooperate or not?" Jamie responded by laughing and clapping his hands together. "Oh, you learned a new trick, did you?" she said with a proud smile as that was the first time she'd seen him clap. She kissed the top of his tiny head, handed him back his bottle and said, "Here, take this and please hang onto it for more than five seconds." She then turned to her three-year-old and said, "Phillip, Sweetheart, please help Mommy pick up your toys."

"No," the three-year old replied as he began to alternate banging the blocks together and hammering them down on the coffee table. Amanda sighed because that had become his new favorite word.

"Don't you tell me no, Young Man," she scolded him just as Jamie's bottle landed on the floor again with a dull thunk as it hit the rug. As she went to retrieve it, the doorbell rang. She sighed again as she thought if it wasn't one thing, it was another. "Phillip, pick up your brother's bottle and give it back to him please," she said as she hurried to the door just in time to hear her older son tell her no again. She took a deep breath and opened the front door to find her mother on the other side of it. "Oh, Mother, thank goodness you're here!" she said flooded with relief as she let her in. "I'm at my wit's end!"

"I'm here, Darling," Dotty West said as she kissed her daughter's cheek and bustled inside. As her daughter closed the door behind her, she said, "What can I do to help?"

"I'm just trying to pick up the living room, but I can't get Jamie to eat while I do it. It's like he's made a game out of throwing his bottle and watching me chase after it."

Dotty laughed and said, "You went through a stage of doing that when you were about that age. It drove me absolutely crazy to the point that I was ready to tear my hair out."

"That about sums it up. On top of that, Phillip won't pick up his toys and keeps incessantly pounding his blocks on the table. I have a splitting headache and all I want to do is just get the house together before I have to go pick Joe up from the airport and I still haven't finished packing for this trip to Hilton Head this weekend. It's days like this I really wish their father were around more." It still annoyed her to no end that Joe had decided in spite of all her pleading that he was going to take the job with the EAO, even though she emphatically refused to go with him and had tried to talk him into staying. She shook off that thought as she was really looking forward to seeing him again since they'd been apart for the better part of six months, was longing to have him home and in their bed again, couldn't wait for the weekend to start when they could have some time alone.

"Don't you mean _fathers_," Dotty said pointedly. She hadn't forgotten the incident shortly after Christmas and witnessing her daughter's shameful display in the arms of a man who was not her husband.

"Mother, don't," Amanda said not wanting to hear yet another lecture on the subject of Lee Stetson. He was out of her life now.

"Well, is what's his name...Phillip's father...Is he going to there at this celebration?"

"Not as far as I know," Amanda said. "Why would he be?"

"It _is_ a reunion of sorts of your college friends. Isn't he one of your college _friends_?"

"Mother, come on," Amanda said in irritation at her mother's persistence but inwardly she began to panic. When she'd received the invitation to Kitty's bicentennial Independence Day celebration that she'd put together for a group of their Delta Sig and Kappa friends, it had never occurred to her that Lee might be included. He did go to UVA too, was a Delta Sig brother after all, and the Delta Sigs were a companion fraternity to the Kappa sorority. "I highly doubt it, Mother. He didn't exactly travel in the same social circles that I did," she said trying to convince herself just as much as she was her mother. While she was immensely grateful for what he'd done for Phillip, she had no desire to open that can of worms again. She and Lee together were just too...volatile.

"Really? Then explain to me how you ended up at the same fraternity party that led to the two of you conceiving Phillip?"

"Mother, I don't have time for this. I have a lot to do before leaving town tomorrow so are you here to help like you promised or are you just going to lecture me again?"

"Who says I can't do both?" Dotty said with a smile as she picked up Jamie's bottle from the floor where it still lay, then scooped her younger grandson out of his swing to feed him.

"Phillip, stop it," she said as she took the blocks from his hands, set them down on the coffee table and picked him up. "It's about nap time for you, anyway."

"No nap," Phillip protested and tried to wriggle out of his mother's arms as she carried him up the stairs struggling all the way. When she finally made it to his room, put him down and tucked him into his bed, she hurried back down the stairs taking great care to make sure the baby gate at the bottom was securely latched behind her before attempting to resume her housework.

"So, about Phillip's father..." Dotty began again.

"Not this again," Amanda said as she picked up the blocks that Phillip had scattered around the room, dropping them into the toy chest in the corner of the room with more force than was necessary due to her annoyance with her mother.

"Yes, Amanda, this again. You need to really think about the decisions you've made regarding him."

"No, Mother, I don't. I asked him to leave me alone and he did. It's over," she said emphatically as she bustled around the room continuing her task.

"No, Amanda, it's not. It never will be as long as you share a child with him. I was there when Joe learned that he wasn't Phillip's father, remember? I saw how hurt he was, how angry. I'm just worried that if this other man is going to be at this event, that will re-open those wounds. The two of you going to go away for the weekend to spend some time together since you've been apart for so long. That's the whole reason your father and I agreed to keep the boys for the weekend. How's it going to work out if your former lover is there?"

Amanda paused in her work to stare at her mother and said, "First of all, as I already said, there's no reason to think that he would be there. Second, even if he were, it doesn't matter. I made a decision to stay with Joe. He and I went through a rough patch after all this happened, but we're fine now. We're happy."

"Then answer me this," Dotty said doggedly. "If you're so happy, why is there an ocean between you and your husband? Why the need for this weekend away?"

"He has to be there for work, Mother," Amanda said. "Besides he should be in the air and almost home by now. His plane's landing at Dulles in two hours. As for the weekend, like you said, we've been apart for months and could use the one on one time to rekindle the romance. I'm actually looking forward to it," she said with a warm smile at the thought of spending the weekend with her husband in an island resort.

"No, he doesn't _have_ to be there. There are plenty of jobs, right here in the US, for a young lawyer of Joe's education and skill. Do you want to know what I think?"

"Not a bit, but I'm sure you're going to tell me anyway," as she resumed her task.

Dotty ignored Amanda's last statement and as predicted gave her opinion against her daughter's wishes. "What I think is that Joe isn't as over this as you think he is. I think reason he took that job over the other opportunities that he had is that he couldn't stand the thought of being here with Phillip looking so much like this other man, being a daily reminder of the hurt you caused him, reminding him also that you don't love him the way you do Phillip's father."

"That's ridiculous, Mother," Amanda argued. "If I didn't love Joe, I'd have run off with Lee when he asked me to. Instead, I told him to go away."

"Don't you think that was a little unfair to him?"

Amanda gaped at her mother in horror. "So what are you saying, that I should have left my husband and the life we've built together for something that doesn't have a chance of lasting?"

"No, that's not what I'm saying. You were unfair to him in just chasing him off and now allowing him to spend time with Phillip, especially considering that his actions may very well have saved his life. Don't you think that kind of selfless act had earned him the right to be a part of his child's life? Then there's the fact that he paid all of Phillip's hospital bills."

"God, I wish he hadn't done that," Amanda said as she reflected back on how angry Joe had been when he'd found out about it. Her parents had been all set to help them pay the bills from Phillip's hospital stay and had been shocked to find out that they'd all been paid and more than that, Lee had left a business card and asked that any future bills for Phillip be sent to his work address. Joe had been furious feeling as if Lee had rubbed his nose in the fact that he was more financially equipped to care for Phillip than he was. They'd had another argument about it with Amanda insisting that she hadn't wanted or expected him to do that and when she'd suggested that they find a way to pay him back, her husband had become even angrier accusing her of trying to use that as an excuse to see him again after she'd sent him away.

"It's no less than he should have done," Dotty said adamantly. "By by calculations, he owed Phillip three years of child support. As for the other part, it's like he told you that night I caught the two of you together, you don't know that it has no chance of lasting if you've never given him a fair chance. If you want my opinion, I think you're being terribly unfair to both men in your life. Joe, because you can't possibly love him the way that you love this Lee, and Lee because he loves you and wants to be with you and Phillip and to do the right thing by you and his child, but you're too stubborn to let him."

"I _don't _want your opinion," Amanda said. "I already told you that and for the last time, Lee is not _in_ my life, which by the way is _my_ life. He's gone and that's exactly the way I want it."

"Keep telling yourself that, Dear," Dotty said as she turned her attention back to her infant grandson in her arms.

Amanda was spared answering her mother's last snarky reply by the ringing of the phone. "Saved by the bell," she muttered as she rushed to answer it. "Hello...Hi, Sweetheart," she said warmly as she discovered it was her husband on the other end. "I thought your plane didn't get in for two hours. Did you get an earlier flight or something? What do you mean, you never got on the plane? What kind of emergency? But, Joe, you promised me you'd be home for the holiday weekend. We haven't seen each other in almost six months! No, I understand those people are starving. I get that. Selfish? How am I being selfish just because I miss my husband and want to see him? No, no I understand that you have no control over this. Ok, well, just call me when you know more so I know when to expect you. Yeah, I love you too." Amanda hung up the phone in frustration, tears forming in her eyes. She turned toward the living room to find her mother staring at her. "Not a word, Mother," she said as the tears she'd been trying to hold back began to slide down her cheeks.

Dotty put Jamie back in his swing and embraced Amanda. "Oh, my darling girl, I'm sorry," she said soothingly as she softened at seeing her daughter's obvious pain. "I know how you were looking forward to this weekend getaway so you and Joe could spend some time together."

"I don't understand," Amanda sobbed against her mother's shoulder shaking uncontrollably. "Why is this happening? Why would he rather be with strangers that his own family?

Dotty was sure she knew the answer to that, but this time she kept her mouth shut. It would do no good to reiterate what she'd already said, especially when Amanda was already upset. "Don't you fret, Sweetheart," she said in an attempt to console her. "Everything will work out all right," though she wasn't entirely convinced of that. While Amanda may be trying to convince herself that her marriage was a happy one, Dotty knew it was only a matter of time before her fiery daughter realized that Joe King could never truly make her happy the way she deserved to be happy. The moment was interrupted by the sound of Jamie's bottle hitting the floor again.

Amanda pulled back from her mother, chuckling with a shake of her head. She once again picked up her baby's bottle. "Oh, Mother, What am I going to do?"

Dotty took the bottle from her hands and said, "I'll tell you what you're going to do. You are going to let me take care of Jamie while go upstairs and finish packing for your trip."

"My trip? Mother, I can't go on that trip now. Joe's not coming home."

"Well, so what? Just because he prefers naked mud dancing with the natives to coming home to you, that doesn't mean you shouldn't have a little fun with your friends on a holiday weekend?" She reached into Jamie's swing and picked him up again.

Amanda couldn't help but laugh. "I don't think they really do naked mud dancing," she said. "You know, I should really stay home with the boys, anyway. Who knows when Joe might call and say he's able to come home?"

"First of all, your father and I already said that we would stay here with the boys while you're gone and there's no reason that should change just because Joe won't be going with you. Second, you have never been the type, even when you were a teenager, to be sitting, moping around the house, waiting by the phone for a guy to call you. Why should you start now?"

"This is different, Mother. He's my husband."

"It's not different. Husband or not, he can be just as insensitive as any other man when it comes to paying attention to the woman he loves. Besides, if he does call to say he's coming home after all, your father is just as capable as you are of driving to the airport to pick him up. Now, my darling daughter, I insist that you dry your tears at once and get your behind upstairs to pack for your trip. I bet once you get there and see Kitty and Barbie and all your old friends, you'll be having so much fun, you won't have time to think about Joe. You've been so busy the last six months, devoting yourself tirelessly to caring for your children, you deserve to have a little fun."

"You know, you're probably right. Besides, if Joe does come home, he can always meet me there later," Amanda said hopefully.

"That's the spirit," Dotty said with a smile. "Now, go on."

Amanda nodded, climbed over the baby gate and ascended the stairs to her bedroom. She glanced disdainfully at the open suitcase on her bed and sighed as her eyes fell upon the black, satin and lace negligee she'd packed earlier before all hell had broken loose. She'd just bought it yesterday and she'd planned to surprise her husband with it during their weekend trip, but that plan was shot down. She had been so lonely without him and was anxiously awaiting his return home so she could show him just how much she'd missed him and how sorry she was for the deception she'd begun their marriage with.

She sighed in frustration, picked up the nightie, balled it up and tossed it violently across the room. "I won't be needing this now, I guess," she said to herself and found herself more frustrated when the lightweight confection didn't go very far, just to the end of the bed. She walked around the bed, picked it up and shoved it into her open lingerie drawer. She then sat down on the edge of the bed burying her face in her hands and wondering just what she'd done to deserve this. She knew she'd made a mistake in keeping Joe in the dark about Lee and her suspicions that he was Phillip's father, but how long was she going to keep being punished for one mistake? The longer she sat there, the more she realized how much this hectic day had worn her out. She stepped out into the hallway, trotted down the stairs and called to her mother, "I'm going to lie down for while Phillip's napping. Are you ok with Jamie for a little while?"

"Of course, Darling," Dotty called back. "Whatever you need."

"Thanks," she said as she trotted back up the stairs, moved the suitcase to rest atop the dresser. She then lay down closing her eyes trying not to let her frustration get to her, but it was hard not to when it had once again been six months since her husband had touched her, though this time it was due to distance, not disinterest. The words of her mother's lecture about Lee kept ringing in her ears as her thoughts whirled. She'd been desperately trying to forget her last interaction with him and now her mother had brought those memories back full force, leading her mind to wander to the night that they'd inadvertently made Phillip. Those memories plagued her as she drifted off to sleep.

_Lee reached for the ties on her top and undid them swiftly before lowering her to his bed while she tugged at the bottom of his tee to pull it over his head. They were then all over each other kissing passionately, their tongues doing battle with one another. Amanda gasped as Lee lowered his lips to the pulse point at her neck, suckling the tender skin there while one hand cupped her breast and the other slid down her side to loosen the tie held her wrap skirt closed. _

_He raised his head to look her in the eyes and said, "God, you're so beautiful."_

_Amanda blushed at the intensity of his gaze and said," You're not half bad yourself." She gasped again as his mouth descended on hers again and moaned into his mouth as she felt the clear evidence of his desire for her pressing into her through the thin cotton panties she wore. His hands roaming and touching her like she'd never been touched before, the rough denim of his jeans against her now bared legs, combined with his kiss and his touch creating a variety of sensations all at once. She reached for the button of his jeans, flicked it open, and then reached for the zipper, making quick work of it so she could slide her hand inside to touch him, delighted when he groaned against her. She used her free hand to push at the fabric covering his hips and became frustrated when it didn't give as much as she wanted it to. _

_"Let me," Lee said as he stood for a moment, shucked off his jeans and underwear, and then reached for her hips to slide her panties down her legs tossing them aside as he maneuvered himself between her legs, trailed kisses up her inner thigh pausing to suckle the tender skin there and making her gasp again._

_Amanda moaned with wild abandon when Lee moved his lips between her legs and took her swollen bud into his mouth, licking, teasing and suckling her, making her feel what no man ever had. "Lee!' she cried out at the exquisite sensations he was giving her and she soon found herself shaking uncontrollably as he brought her to her peak. He then worked his way up her body. Before her trembling had subsided, he was inside her, rocking his hips against hers, his hands on her hips as he brought them up to meet his time and time again, driving deeper and deeper into her until she felt him exploding within her, spilling his warm seed deep inside her while she shuddered beneath him. She called out his name over and over again, as he moved within her riding out the wave of their intense lovemaking, showering her with kisses while he gasped out her name just as she was his._

Amanda awoke with a start sweating profusely and gasping for air as the memories flooded through her. She found that she was gripping the flowery comforter tightly in her he hands and her whole body was trembling. She sat up shakily as she tried to shake off the images in her head of her one night with Lee. "Damn," she swore. That was over a little over four years ago. Why couldn't she just let it go and move on with her life? She hurriedly got out of bed resuming her task of packing for her trip trying to shut her mind off to the torrid images that were flowing through her mind of the most mind-blowing sex she'd ever had. _No_, she told herself. _It wasn't as great as you're remembering it to be. You're just missing Joe because it's been so long," _she tried to convince herself as she busied herself with neatly folding her beachwear and packed each piece one by one. _If that were true, then why weren't you dreaming about Joe, _she argued with herself.

Four miles away, Lee also awoke in a sweat, having been dreaming about his one night of passion with the only woman he knew that he would ever truly love. He shifted uncomfortably as his pants felt painfully tight. He rose on shaking legs, glanced briefly at his half-packed suitcase sitting on the chair in the corner of his bedroom. He thought about heading to his bathroom to take yet another cold shower and decided against it. He had to get this stupid packing done for this stupid trip tomorrow. Damn Billy Melrose for making him do this. It was all his fault that he'd awoken like this. He'd gone six months without seeing Amanda in his dreams and now the idea of being reunited with their mutual friends had stirred all that up again. _You're a goddamn liar," _he scolded himself. Even though it had been four years since that fateful night that he'd spent in her arms, the night he'd gotten her pregnant, she was never off his mind.

He closed his eyes as he thought about his young son just on the other side of the Key Bridge and wondered how he was doing. Had the transfusion of his own blood kept him healthy? He'd seemed so a few months ago when he'd surreptitiously crept into Amanda's backyard, peered into the French doors to be a silent witness to his son's third birthday party. He'd tried to stay away as Amanda wanted him to and for the most part, he had, but he'd wanted to see him at least on his birthday. Of course, it didn't hurt that Amanda had been there too looking as beautiful as ever as she bustled around distributing party favors, breaking up potential fights between Phillip and his young party guests, all the while toting her four month old on her hip. He was amazed that she was able to manage all of that at once and couldn't help but notice that she had been doing it alone, no sign of her husband anywhere. He wondered what that was about.

The absence of Joe King at the house had for just a brief moment, sent his heart soaring at the thought that maybe the knowledge that he wasn't Phillip's father had split them up. He thought that maybe he'd been unable to deal with that fact and had left Amanda over it. As cruel as it sounded, he'd hoped so since Amanda didn't seem to have the strength to end it with him on her own. That hope was crushed though when Amanda had briefly turned his direction and he'd seen the rings still on her finger just before he ducked out of sight to avoid being seen.

Lee ran a hand through his hair in frustration and began violently tossing items he'd need for this trip into his suitcase, not caring where or how they landed in it. He sighed as he felt like the worst kind of deadbeat dad. He felt like a complete hypocrite because he'd spent years judging the Colonel for not being any kind of real father to him, only treating him like one of his subordinates, and here he had a son just a 5-10 minute drive away and he was doing nothing for him.

_That's how Amanda wants it, _Lee told himself. _She made it clear she doesn't want you anywhere near her. _He tried to shake off the nagging thoughts of her and focus on this upcoming assignment that would start tomorrow. He was dreading it. He hated undercover assignments in which he had to pretend to be married, especially when it was with a bitch-on-wheels like that shrew, Agent Saunders. It only became a painful reminder of what he couldn't have. He'd asked Amanda to marry him twice now and she turned him down twice. If he couldn't be married to her, he didn't want to be married to anyone.


	8. 1976-Part 2

**July 2, 1976**

Friday afternoon, Lee Stetson and his pseudo-wife had just reached the door of their hotel room and the ball-busting woman was lecturing him for about the fourth time on the rules of this particular game. "Listen, Hotshot, you just do what you're supposed to do, make nice with your little friends and leave the real investigative work to me. This is a little out of your league."

"Out of my league?" he questioned as he unlocked the door. "Listen, Sister, I've have been with the agency for three years now and a year with the FBI before that and have interrogated some of the toughest KGB agents in the business. I think I can handle one tiny little drug bust. In fact, it should be child's play compared to some of the shit I've been involved in."

"Well, you should know all about child's play since I've heard you have a reputation for acting like a child on the job," Agent Saunders fired back.

"Me? What about you? You have pouted and sulked ever since I was assigned to work with you? What's the matter, Sweetheart? You afraid I'll do your job better than you and make you look bad?"

She scoffed and said, "Hardly. I just don't want your renowned recklessness blowing my case."

"Hmmm, it seems to me you cou8ld use a little _recklessness_ in your life," he said in a throaty whisper as he leaned in close to her. "Maybe then you wouldn't be so uptight. You might even-" Lee's statement was cut off as he heard a familiar laugh behind him and was so startled by it that it caused his train of thought to be derailed. He turned abruptly toward the sound of it to find Amanda walking toward him arm in arm with Kitty and Barbie.

"Now, stop it, Barbie," Amanda said with a giggle. "That was history freshman year."

"I'm just saying, I saw Jim when he was checking in and he's looking better than ever," Barbie replied with a salacious grin.

"Is there any guy on the planet that you don't think looks good," Kitty replied.

As they got closer, Lee said, "Well, there is a reason that they used to call her Easy Rider Barbie."

Barbie narrowed her eyes and him and said coolly, "What the hell are you doing here? Didn't you cause enough trouble four years ago?"

"I was invited," Lee said. "I was a Delta Sig, remember? Besides, I don't remember _somebody_," he glanced pointedly at Amanda, "thinking that I was causing trouble at a certain party."

"Well, that's history too," Amanda replied trying to sound nonchalant but unable to hide the flush in her face at seeing him again so soon after her painfully vivid dream the day before of their passionate night together. "I'm happily married now."

"Oh, is that so? So where is Mr. Wonderful? I noticed you've got your girlfriends on your arm and not him," Lee said pointedly.

"He's out of the country for his job. He should be here in a day or two. We had plans to use this weekend as a second honeymoon," she said with a sultry smile in an attempt to convince him and herself that what she'd said about being happily married was true. _God, how is it he can still turn me to jelly with just a look,_ she thought.

Lee felt a painful stab of jealousy cut through him like a knife at the thought of her spending the weekend with him on a second honeymoon, knowing exactly what that meant. "So, the boy wonder has a real job now? I'm impressed," he said scathingly as he tried to disguise his bitter envy of Joe King and the fact that he had the woman he was desperate to make his own. _God, why can't I get her out of my system? We only had one night together. I should be over this by now, _he thought as he mentally kicked himself for letting his weakness for her show. He braced himself against the onslaught of emotions coursing through him at being face to face with her again. He forced himself to look away from her, his gaze falling on the wedding band provided by the agency for this assignment and decided to give her a little payback. He gestured to Agent Saunders. "Speaking of second honeymoons, I don't believe you've met my lovely wife, Kelly," he said as he slid his arm around his temporary partner's waist. He smiled smugly as he watched Amanda's face turn pale, his statement having the desired effect. "We were thinking the same thing about this weekend, weren't we, Darling?" he said with a suggestive gaze at the other agent.

"Oh, yes, Honey, we were," Agent Saunders cooed playing her cover to perfection draping her arm over Lee's shoulder.

"I was just thinking we should get to it," Lee said with a sly wink just before he swept Agent Saunders majestically into his arms and carried her through the open hotel room door, closing it behind them, leaving Amanda staring open-mouthed in the hallway.

After the door was closed, Agent Saunders leapt from his arms as if scalded and slapped him as hard as she could. "Just what the hell do you think you're playing at here, Stetson," she spat at him.

"Just playing our cover," Lee said, "And making nice with my 'little friends' like you wanted me to."

"You call that making nice?"She jeered. "It didn't seem to me that those ladies were your friends, particularly the peroxide blonde and the skinny brunette. I always heard you were the love 'e, and leave 'em type. Is that why you fought so hard to worm your way out of this case? Afraid you'd have to come face to face with all the girls you jilted in college."

"Ok, first of all, there was never anything between me and that tramp, Barbie, and as for the brunette, she was the one who jilted _me_, not the other way around," Lee said with a grimace as the pain of Amanda's rejection once again hit him full-force.

Saunders laughed at seeing the look on his face and said, "I don't believe it! You, the king of one-night stands, actually had your heart broken." She found the idea extremely funny considering everything she'd heard about him.

"You don't know what the hell you're talking about," Lee said.

"No, I think I do. I see exactly what's going on here. You've still got it bad for her and she married someone else. That's what that vile display out in the hallway was about. You were either A, trying to prove to her and yourself that you've moved on or B, using me in a pathetic attempt to make her jealous."

"Or C, I was just trying to get to you," He said as he moved closer to her. "You say you've heard about my reputation. Well, I've heard about yours too. They say you're nothing but a ball-busting cold fish who wouldn't know a good time if it jumped up and bit you on the ass!"

"Just because I don't flaunt my private life like you do, that doesn't make me a cold fish. In fact, contrary to your assertion that I couldn't handle you, I'm thinking that it's more accurate to say that you're the one who couldn't handle _me_," she fired back in his face, the two of them now closer than they had been in the hall.

"Oh? Is that right? Why don't we find out?" he said as he grasped her hips and pulled her roughly against him.

"You really want that write-up from your boss, don't you?" she said but didn't move away. "Don't think I won't tell him _everything_ you do on this assignment."

"Like I give a crap," Lee countered. "It wouldn't be the worst thing he's ever heard about me."

"Well, either way, I don't plan on letting you go bragging to all your little friends back home about how you got me into bed," she said but couldn't hide the look of desire fueled by anger on her face as she stepped back a little.

"By the time we're done, you'll have something to brag to your friends about too. Besides, who said anything about the bed," He said as he pulled her to him again having seen the fiery look in her eyes. Before she could say another word, He kissed her firmly and pressed her up against the doorframe.

Out in the hallway of the lavish resort, Amanda and her friends stared silently at the closed door for a moment after Lee had slammed it shut. Seeing the pained look on Amanda's face, Kitty said, "Amanda, Honey, ignore him. He was just trying to get a rise out of you."

"Kitty's right," Barbie said. "The guy can't stand it that you married Joe instead of him and was just trying to flaunt it in your face that he's married now too. He never did know when to let go. I hate when men get all clingy like that once they get a little good lovin' No thank you."

"Come on, Barbie, you can't really feel that way. One of these days, you're going to meet a guy who will just sweep you off your feet and you'll change your mind," Kitty said with a smile as she gazed down at the diamond ring on her finger.

"Yeah, yeah," Barbie said. "You keep saying that, and I know you and Amanda are all about the long-term commitment. You're getting married this Christmas and Amanda's been married for four years, but that doesn't mean it's for me. I've never found a guy that's worth being around for more than a night or two."

"And you never will with that attitude," Amanda finally spoke up. "You have no idea how nice it is to have the same man coming home to you every night."

"You're kidding, right?" Barbie said acidly. "How would you really know anything about that? When was the last time Joe was home since he took that job?"

At seeing another pained look cross Amanda's face, Kitty jumped in and said, "You know what, this is a holiday weekend, a chance to get away from everything, so I say we stop talking about this and just have some fun. We still have a couple hours of daylight left. Why don't we head down to the beach and catch some rays while we can?"

"Good idea," Amanda said brightening a little.

"Yeah, maybe I can catch something else while we're down there," Barbie said with a giggle.

"Just make sure you don't catch the wrong thing," Amanda said. "That's another benefit of staying with the same man."

"Easy for you to say," Barbie replied. "It's easy not to get bored with the same guy when he's never around."

"Hey, come on," Kitty jumped in. "Let's just find our rooms and get down to the beach while we still have some daylight left."

"You're right," Amanda said with a firm nod as she began looking at the room numbers and grimaced when she realized that hers was right next door to the one Lee had just disappeared in to. _With his wife,_ she thought miserably as she unlocked the door.

"Hey, I'm right across the hall from you," Kitty said. "And it looks like Barbie's next door to me."

"Ok, so let's get changed and meet back here in twenty minutes and we'll start scoping out the beach," Barbie said with a lascivious grin.

"Sounds like a plan," Amanda said as she entered her room. She leaned against the door wearily, the encounter with Lee having left her emotionally drained. She closed her eyes for a moment trying to compose herself. Why was this bothering her so much? It's not as if she had any interest in him anymore. She reflected on Barbie's words about men being to clingy and it struck her that just a little over six months ago, Lee had seemed that way. He'd begged her to leave Joe and marry him and now he was married to someone else. How could that have happened so fast? She shook off those nagging thoughts, opened her eyes to find her suitcases neatly stacked on the other side of the room where the bellboy had left them. She made her way to them to begin unpacking while looking for her bathing suit. "Why do you care anyway?" she said aloud.

As she tossed the suitcase that contained her swimwear onto the bed and began rooting through it, a wave of revulsion swept over her as she heard the muffled sounds coming from the room next door. Clearly, Kitty had been wrong about Lee just trying to get a rise out of her. Now, it seemed his wife was getting a rise out of him of a different kind. A painful stab of loneliness hit her at that thought as she began to strip out of her clothes and change into her two-piece suit.

She sighed and thought about how much she wished her own husband were here with her. He'd called a second time and said that he would try to make it by Saturday night, but that was still more than twenty-four hours away. _That's why you're getting so worked up about this, _she told herself with a firm nod of her head trying to convince herself that the only reason she was bothered by the activities going on in the next room is that she missed Joe, missed getting a little action of her own. After all, since he'd left the second week of January, it had once again been almost six months since they'd made love. Due to the miles between them, the closest they'd come was when he'd called her on their wedding anniversary last month and they'd engaged in a round of phone sex.

_It's just not the same though, _she thought sadly, as her mind began to reflect on how much had changed in their marriage since that night last December. After they'd talked, he'd been more attentive in their sex life. She couldn't help but wonder if it was because of the fact that he now knew about Lee and her undeniable attraction to him or if it was because she'd told him that she needed a little more excitement in the bedroom, a little more creativity. He'd certainly delivered in the creativity part in the two weeks before he left and definitely, the frequency of their lovemaking had improved. Every spare moment they had together before he left that wasn't been spent looking after the boys, they'd spent making love. Even when they'd been with the kids, he'd made excuses to touch her, kiss her or whisper seductive words in her ear in anticipation of what was to come once the boys were safely tucked in bed.

She thought back to her mother's words about Joe staying away because he couldn't deal with the truth about Phillip's true paternity but that just wasn't true. He'd told her himself that he still loved Phillip no matter what and in the two weeks after the hospital incident, he'd proven that. He'd still care for Phillip through his recovery after they'd brought him home and hadn't treated him any differently than he did Jamie. The only real issue that they'd had with it since then had been when they were checking Phillip out of the hospital and had attempted to arrange to pay the bills only to find out that they'd already been paid. They'd had a heated argument about it which had turned into another heated round of lovemaking very much like the one the night she'd almost slipped up with Lee.

As the sounds coming from next door began to get louder, she said to herself, "I've got to stop thinking about this," as she tried to mentally blot out the noise. "Joe will be here soon. Then everything will be ok." It was then that she heard the sound of Lee groaning loudly, a sound she remembered all too well from her own encounter with him. She took a deep breath as she tried to force herself to clock out those memories. She picked up her discarded clothes, folded them neatly and piled them on the bed, deciding that she'd finish her unpacking later. She picked up her beach bag and slung it over her shoulder as she hurried out the door to meet her friends. As she waited for her friends, she couldn't help glaring at the closed door of the room next door and wonder about Kelly. What kind of woman was she, and how had she gotten Lee to marry her so quickly? After all, it had been just mere months after he'd been pleading with her to marry him. She shook her head and said, "It's none of your business." She was spared any further thoughts of Lee by Barbie bursting through the door of her own room across from Lee's. Kitty soon followed with her fiancé', who'd now joined her and the four of them made their way out of the hotel and down to the beach.

When they descended the steps leading to the beach, they were soon met by a pair of guys they'd gone to school with. "Oh, my God, Amanda West," Jim Saarinan exclaimed as he looked her up and down, gazing at her appreciatively. "Wow, you haven't changed a bit."

Amanda blushed under his intense scrutiny, smiled and said, "Well, I _have_ changed a little. It's Amanda King now and I'm a mother to two small boys."

"So I heard. The guy you met at Georgetown who stole you from me, right?"He teased as he slipped an arm around her to which Barbie grinned.

Amanda playfully slapped at him and said, "Now, come on, Jim, you know that's true. I didn't meet Joe until two years after we broke up."

"Ok, ok, He may not have actually stolen you from me, but he captured your heart in such as way that I never had a shot at trying to win you back. What are you ladies up to anyway?"

"We were just going to catch some rays," Barbie answered with a bright smile at both men before focusing on the one with Jim. "You're Adam Goodwin, right? You used to play left tackle, if I'm not mistaken."

"That's right," He said returning Barbie's smile. "Why don't you allow us to escort you," Adam said as he linked his arm with hers.

"Sure," Barbie said with a giggle at having found her "catch."

"Amanda?"Jim said as he held out his arm for her.

"Why not," She said as she accepted his gesture and they began a leisurely stroll down to the beach weaving their way around numerous sunbathers. "You do know that it was your wandering eye that kept you from really having a shot at winning me back."

"Amanda, I'm wounded. Just because a guy has an appreciation for admiring beautiful women, that's no reason to break his heart."

"The problem is that you didn't keep your 'appreciation' to just admiring, if I recall, or have you forgotten about that incident with Sandy Dowell?"

"Well, I could hardly be blamed for that when she threw herself at me."

"You could've thrown her back," Amanda countered.

"Well, I see your tongue is a sharp as ever," Jim said with a smile. "I wonder if that tongue is still as good at other things," he added in a seductive tone as he slipped his arm around her waist again. They had stopped walking as they'd found a free spot on the crowded beach to relax.

"You'd have to ask my husband that one," she fired back wriggling from his grasp and she pulled her over-sized beach towel from her bag and began to spread it out on the sand.

"So, where is he?"

"He's out of the country on business. He'll be here tomorrow, "Amanda answered with more confidence than she felt, her mother's harsh words of the day before still ringing in her ears as she dug into her bag for her suntan lotion, having finished with her towel.

"Well, since he's not here, let me help you with that," Jim said with a rakish grin gesturing with his head to the bottle in her hands. She shifted nervously and glanced at her girlfriends who were both occupied, Kitty with her fiancé' and Barbie with her potential fling for the night. Just like the night of the final Delta Sig party of their senior year, they'd left her to fend for herself, which in part had led to her fiery night with Lee and that, in turn, had led to her son's conception. These thoughts caused her mind to drift back to the man who had forever changed her life that night. She couldn't believe how different he seemed from just six months ago when he'd been begging her for a second chance and a chance to be a part of their son's like. Now, it seemed he'd moved on and hadn't given her or Phillip a second thought. It was just as well. Maybe he and his new bride could have a family of their own and he'd leave hers alone now. Maybe he'd decided that since he couldn't be a part of Phillip's life that he wanted another attempt at a family life and that's why he'd married so soon after their last encounter. Maybe that's what they were trying to do now. Maybe he was trying to get his wife pregnant. As soon as she thought this, she found the idea extremely distasteful to her.

"Hello? Earth to Amanda," Jim's voice sounded breaking her out of her thoughts. She turned her focus back to him. "Where did you go?"

"Sorry," she said. "I was just thinking."

"Well, by the look on your face, I'd say it must not have been about something very pleasant."

"Oh, no, just intense thoughts."

"This is a holiday weekend. Save the intense thoughts for another time. In fact, I think I've got just the cure for that," he said as he took the bottle of suntan lotion from her hands. "Come on, get comfortable."

Amanda lay face down on her towel and allowed him to proceed with rubbing the lotion into her skin. She sighed contentedly as his hands worked the lotion in from her calves up to her thighs, then began to work on her back and shoulders kneading her tense muscles as he did so reminding her just how talented he was with his hands. She'd found that out during their very brief love affair their freshman year and while it had been good, it still hadn't been as good as it had with Lee three years later. "Mmm," she sighed just relishing the feel of a strong pair of hands on her. She did not intend to let it go any farther than that, but it was nice for the moment just to feel something other than the strong pull of her motherly instincts.

"So, I have a question for you," Jim said as he continued to smooth the lotion onto her skin.

"Shoot," she said.

"I know that you and your husband got engaged senior year, but I heard a vicious rumor that you and Lee Stetson hooked up right before graduation, something about you spending the night in his room at the frat house the night of the pre-graduation party."

"You...uh...you should know better than to listen to idle gossip," she said nervously as she flipped over to face him, propping herself up on her elbows. _Did everybody know? _She thought worriedly. She was going to be seeing a lot of these people this weekend and if Joe did make it that might make an already tense situation worse now that she knew that Lee was there, as her mother had feared he might be. The last thing she needed was for her former classmates to start gossiping about the night she'd spent with Lee.

"Come on, Amanda, I was at that party too. I saw how you were dressed like you were on the prowl and I heard from Sandy that you went upstairs with him and I know that you didn't leave until the next morning."

"Oh? And just how do you know that?"

"I saw you sneaking down the back stairs when I was walking Sandy to her car."

"I didn't realize you and Sandy were still seeing each other then," Amanda said coolly.

"Seeing each other is kind of a generous term for it. We would get together now and then for a little mutual back-scratching, if you know what I mean."

"Yeah," she said knowing all too well what he meant. That was what had caused them to split up in the first place.

"We still do on occasion, but it doesn't mean any more now than it did then, but you're changing the subject. You always had a bad habit of doing that when somebody asks you a question you don't want to answer. So, what about it? You and Stetson, I mean. It doesn't make any sense to me. You were so gung-ho about marrying that King guy and then I hear you spent the night with Lee Stetson. So, what happened? Was it just a last-minute fling to get it out of your system before tying the knot? That's what some of the Kappa girls were saying, but that doesn't really sound like you."

"Jim, you don't really know me as well as you think you do. The thing with Lee, it was...it was just a spontaneous thing and...It...It was over right after that. I married Joe two weeks later just like I had always planned on."

"I guess I just don't get it. You dumped be because of a reckless one-nighter with Sandy that I told you repeatedly didn't mean anything and yet, you did something like that to the man you were about to marry. Maybe you're right, maybe I don't know you."

"Look, I don't really want to talk about this," Amanda said uncomfortable with the direction the conversation was heading. "I mean, like you said, this is a holiday weekend. Intense thoughts can wait for another time."

"Yeah, you're right. I guess it doesn't matter anyway since you're both married now."

"Oh, you knew he was married?" she inquired wondering if he could answer some of her questions.

"Not until we got here. I ran into him in the hotel lobby when I was checking in and he introduced me to his wife. It's funny, I played football with him and lived in the same house with him for a year and she didn't seem at all like the kind of woman he'd normally go for."

"Hmmm," was Amanda's only reply pondering the fact that she'd thought exactly the same thing when she'd met her.

"So, you ready for me to get your front," he said with a grin as he gestured to the bottle in his hand.

"I can get my front myself, thank you," she said with a slight blush as she snatched the bottle from his hand.

"It was worth a shot," he teased as he leaned back on his hands and gazed at her. "You know you're still just as beautiful as you were back in college. I just hope your husband appreciates you."

"He does," Amanda said firmly though truth be told, she really wasn't so sure. Her mother's words about him using his job as an excuse to stay away kept haunting her.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Lee and Kelly strolled down toward the beach attired in beachwear to fit in as they scanned the crowd for their suspect.

"So, still think I'm a cold fish," she said to him sarcastically.

"Ok, I have to admit, I was wrong. You are anything _but_ a cold fish," he said with a devilish grin. In fact, she'd been just the distraction he'd needed from his thoughts of Amanda after seeing her again.

"Yeah, well don't go getting all moony-eyed on me. This doesn't mean we're going steady or anything. I'm not your girlfriend."

"Please, that's the farthest thing from my mind. If you _were_ my girlfriend, I think I'd have to make good use of the agency-issued cyanide capsule."

Good, we're clear then," she said with a firm nod.

"Crystal," Lee replied. "But that doesn't mean we can't have a little fun while we're stuck with each other. Then once this case is wrapped up, we go our separate ways."

"Speaking of the case, any sign or our target?"

Lee used his hand as a shield to block the sun out of his eyes and perused the crowd of sunbathers and swimmers on the beach, quickly spotting his quarry who was sitting on the sand facing toward them talking to a woman who had her back to them. "There," Lee said as he pointed.

"Ok, so, here's how we play it. Since you already introduced me to him as your wife, we just take a casual stroll down there and make like we're looking for a free spot on the beach. You'll make conversation. What have you been up to, kind of stuff and make sure to stick to the IFF cover."

"Stop talking to me like I'm some newbie fresh out of training," Lee complained. "I _have_ done this a few times and I know how to make a contact look casual. You should have learned that when we were upstairs," he added with a grin.

Kelly Saunders glared at him, chose to ignore his jibe about their recent sexual encounter and said, "Fine, whatever. Let's just get this done."

Lee chuckled smugly at her irritation, glad to know he'd figured out just how to push her buttons. "Certainly, Sweetheart," he said as he linked his arm with hers and they made their way slowly toward their goal eyes wandering as if just looking for a place to settle. As he got closer and heard Amanda's raspy laughter, Lee halted in his tracks and whispered to Kelly, "This isn't such a great idea," knowing that Amanda would know instantly that the IFF cover was just that. After all, just having seen her a few months ago, he knew that she knew he worked for the Justice Department.

"Don't chicken out on me now," the other agent hissed in his ear as she tried to make it look as if she were just whispering endearments. "We only have a couple of days to get this done."

Before Lee could protest again, Jim Saarinan caught his attention by saying, "Well, speak of the devil. We were just talking about you, weren't we, Amanda?"

Amanda turned to see who it was that he was talking to and upon seeing Lee standing there, stammered nervously, "Uh...yeah...we...uh...we were."

The tension mounted as she and Lee locked eyes, Amanda wondering if Lee was going to make another scene like the one he had at the hospital and Lee wondering if Amanda would betray his secret.


	9. 1976-Part 3

**July 2, 1976**

The tension mounted as Amanda and Lee locked eyes, Amanda wondering if Lee was going to make another scene like the one he had at the hospital and Lee wondering if Amanda would betray his secret.

"Hello again, Amanda, Jim," Lee said to break the awkward silence. "So, are you two here together?" They certainly seemed like they were with the way they'd been chatting and laughing just a few minutes ago. He couldn't help but wonder what she was playing at. She kept spouting off about how happily married she was, yet she was flirting with her old boyfriend like there was no tomorrow.

"No, Lee," Amanda answered testily finally tearing her gaze from his at seeing the judgmental look in his eyes. What was wrong with just enjoying catching up with an old friend? That's what this whole weekend gathering was supposed to be about, after all. Just because she'd let her guard down with him six months ago, that didn't mean that she was some kind of tramp like Barbie who would sleep with just anybody. He'd just simply caught her at a weak moment when she was worried about her son and needed comfort. As she thought about it though, she couldn't help but flush slightly at the memories of him keeping her warm on that cold December night and the raging desire she'd felt for him. _Stop it, Amanda, _she scolded herself, telling herself that she'd only reacted that way because Joe had been neglecting her. That thought brought her abruptly back to reality. "You know that I'm happily married and Joe's going to be here tomorrow night," Amanda said with a bright smile.

"Oh, right, happily married," he said with a snort not buying it for a second as he'd seen the flare of jealousy that had crossed her features when he'd introduced her to Kelly. He couldn't resist goading her a little more. He slipped his arm around his partner. "That seems to be going around," he said fixing Kelly with a leering smile immensely satisfied at seeing her smile replaced with a scowl, a spark of jealousy in her dark brown eyes as she glanced at Kelly.

"Amanda and I were just catching up, talking about old times," Jim said with a pointed look at Lee. "In fact, we were just talking about you, actually."

"About me?"Lee queried with an arched eyebrow glancing first from Jim, then to Amanda.

"Yeah, I was just asking Amanda about the rumors that I heard about you tow hooking up right before graduation."

Lee chuckled awkwardly and said, "Well, you can't believe every rumor you hear."

"That's what Amanda said, but I'm not so sure that it was a rumor," Jim replied. "I mean, after all, I lived in the same house and I remember seeing Amanda sneaking down the back stairs in the early morning hours the day after the pre-graduation party, so she obviously spent the night with someone and since the two of you were hanging out half the night, you're the logical choice."

"I seem to recall talk in the locker room that you and Amanda once had a thing too," Lee said. "In fact, I remember asking you about it once when we were watching the cheerleaders on the field."

"I never denied that. I'm just wondering why you are," Jim fired back.

Amanda was getting rather irritated by the verbal volleying going on between the two men as if she weren't there. "Ok, yes, we had a...a...thing," Amanda said unable to bring herself to say the words. "But it was over before it ever really began."

Lee smirked at her at hearing her admit that they'd spent the night together. "A thing?"He said his eyes dancing in amusement at how uncomfortable she was. _Good, _he thought. It was the perfect payback for how uncomfortable she'd made him in December with her family, and how frustrated she'd left him when she'd given in to his kisses, his touch, only to chase him away again and cling desperately to a man who was nowhere near good enough for her . At hearing Agent Saunders clearing his throat loudly beside him, he was reminded of why he was there. He switched back into agent mode and said, "So, Jim, I hear from a couple of people that despite all the protesting you put up in college that you ended up joining your family's import/export business, after all."

"Yep," Jim replied as a flash of guilt crossed his face. "I wasn't planning to, but my father's been ill, so I'm helping out for the time being."

_Bingo, _Lee thought, as he knew all too well what the family business was really a front for.

"So, what exactly do you import?"Agent Saunders chimed in picking up on Lee's cues.

"Oh, a little of this, a little of that," Jim replied evasively.

"So..." Amanda said tentatively as she eyed Agent Saunders burning with curiosity about her. "Lee mentioned earlier that you two were using this little trip as a second honeymoon, so how long have you and Lee been married?

_Damn it, _Lee thought. They were just starting to get somewhere with Saarinan when Amanda had to go and change the subject leaving him no option but to go with it.

"Two years," Kelly answered before Lee could say anything.

_Damn! _Lee thought again as he heard his partner's answer. Amanda would know that was a lie since he'd just seen her in December and had practically groveled at her feet, begging her to marry him.

"Oh? Two years, really?" Amanda replied with an icy glare Lee's way. She was thoroughly confused now. Was Lee lying to her in December when he'd told her that he loved her, when he'd thrown himself at her and begged her to leave her husband for him? What was his plan, to leave his wife as well? She glanced at the gold band on his finger and desperately tried to recall if she'd seen him wearing it then. The memory escaped her though. Things had gotten so heated between them, between the fighting and her lapse in judgment in temporarily losing herself in his arms, the last thing she'd been thinking about was looking at his hands. She shook her head, then glared at Lee disdainfully at the thought that he'd not only tried to break up her marriage, but his own as well.

Lee shifted uncomfortably under Amanda's intense gaze, fidgeting nervously with the wedding banc that he felt completely awkward wearing now, the gleeful satisfaction at seeing her jealousy now losing its appeal.

Jim Saarinan couldn't help but notice the awkward looks that passed between Lee and Amanda and decided to change the subject, "So, Lee, you were asking me about my career choice, so what have you been up to? The last I heard you were some hotshot FBI agent," he said a little nervously wondering if that was why he was actually there.

"Oh, no, I was only with the FBI for a year. I've changed careers since then for something a little safer now that I'm a married man," Lee said trying to play along with Kelly's cover story of them being married for two years. An idea struck him for moving this investigation forward. "Hey, listen, it's getting close to dinner time, so why don't the four of us meet up for dinner and we can all catch up then? I'll tell you all about what I've been up to and you can tell me more about how you got involved in the family business."

"I don't know," Jim said hesitantly as he'd been hoping to have dinner with Amanda alone.

"Oh, I think that's a wonderful idea," Amanda said. While it would be a little awkward, she was burning with curiosity about her former lover's marriage and his career since he'd told her a few months ago that he still worked for the Justice department, but in a different position and that his work was classified. She recalled from the business card he'd left at the hospital that he worked for a place called IFF, but she didn't have a clue what it actually was.

"Um...sure..." Jim said at seeing the excited look on Amanda's face. He didn't like the idea, but he also didn't want to be a wet blanket and ruin his shot with her. It was very clear since they'd been hanging out that she wasn't getting what she needed from her husband and he was hoping to fill that void, at least for the weekend.

"Good, it's all settled then," Kelly chimed in, a little impressed with her partner's ability to finesse their subject.

An hour later, they were all seated in a booth in the resort's dining room, Lee and Kelly sitting across from, Jim and Amanda, sipping on red wine and chatting while they waited for the dinner they'd just ordered. "So, Lee, this safer career that you've got now, what is it that you do?"Jim probed wondering what kind of career change he would have made with a degree in criminology.

"Oh, I work for a documentary film company called IFF," Lee said.

"Isn't that a little outside your field?" the other man questioned.

"Not as much as you might think," Lee said. "IFF works for the government. I'm still interviewing bad guys from time to time, just on the other side of things. Instead of trying to catch them, I'm talking to them after they've already been caught. We've done quite a few documentary films on crime syndicates, deaths of prison inmates, stuff like that. I still have a lot of contacts within the FBI who help give me tips from time to time."

"Documentary films," Amanda said quizzically wondering exactly how that fit in with the Justice department. That didn't quite fit with the exuberance he'd shown in college for putting bad guys away, though maybe his wife had insisted on him taking something safer as she'd tried desperately to do with Joe. That made some sense, but she felt a twinge of sadness for him that he wasn't doing what he really wanted. With that thought, she couldn't help but wonder how happy his marriage really was and if he was a dissatisfied in his as she was in hers. _Where did that come from?_ She wasn't dissatisfied in her marriage any longer, not now that Joe had promised to make it this weekend. _Keep telling yourself that, Dear, _her mother's words from yesterday rang in her ears.

"Yes, it's actually been very rewarding," Lee answered. "I get to travel a lot and I've done some great interviews in my research."

"Is that why you're here now?"Jim asked. "I seem to recall when we graduated that you couldn't wait to move on. I never figured you for the reunion type."

"Well, you figured wrong," Lee said firmly. "And, no, I'm not here for work. As I was telling Amanda earlier, I'm just on vacation."

"Since my darling husband travels so much for work, we don't get to spend as much time together as we should, so we thought this would be the perfect opportunity to get away and make up for lost time." She gave Lee a warm smile, but cringed inwardly at the idea of playing the doting wife to such an arrogant asshole.

"So, what is it that you do, Kelly," Amanda inquired.

"Oh, she's just a housewife, keeping the home fires burning, so to speak," He said with an impish grin as he draped his arm across his pseudo-wife's shoulders.

"Really," Amanda said skeptically with a curious glance at the other woman. She didn't strike her at all as the housewife type. She had an air about her that was more in keeping with a hard-core career woman trying to prove herself in a man's world.

Kelly's eyes flared in anger at Lee's answer and at being put on the spot. She knew that she had no choice but to go with it now. She recovered quickly and answered Amanda with, "Oh, yes, as hard as he works and as much as he gets bounced all over the globe, I feel it's my duty to provide him with a stable home life," though she shuddered inwardly as she spoke those words. The idea of being a stay-at-home housewife was repugnant to her. She'd come way too far in her career and planned to go farther in the future; that was why she'd been reluctant to share her case with an agent who had the reputation that he did for being reckless. She couldn't afford to have him blow this case for her.

Lee turned to Jim to try to steer the conversation back in the direction he wanted it to go. "Now that you mention it, Jim, your story would make a great subject for a documentary." He'd seen the guilty look on the other man's face when he mentioned doing documentaries on crime syndicates.

"My story," Jim said nearly choking on a mouthful of wine.

"Sure," Lee said enthusiastically. "I'd love to do something different that's not as dark of some of the other stuff I've done. This could be a real human-interest piece, the young man determined to make his own place in the world and not join in the family business, only to be drawn back in by his duty to an ailing father. It would be a tear-jerker for sure."

"I don't think so," Jim said warily. "My family likes their privacy."

"Ah," Lee said. _I just bet they do, _he thought. "Oh, well, no harm in asking."

The awkwardness of the moment was relieved a little by the arrival of their waiter delivering their food. They chatted through dinner, all four feeling uncomfortable with the situation, leading to two more bottles of wine being ordered and shared until time came for dessert, Jim drinking more than any of them, something that was not lost on Lee. While they dug into their dessert, Lee also noticed that Jim seemed to be growing more and more nervous, glancing at his watch, then at the door every few seconds.

"What's the matter, Jimbo? You got a hot date or something?"Lee said.

"No, not at all," Jim said as he glanced at his dinner companion with a smile, tearing his gaze from the door mentally kicking himself for being so obvious that he was looking for someone. When he glanced up again to find Lee staring at him, he noticed that over the other man's shoulder that the party he was looking for had just entered the restaurant. "Excuse me for a moment. I need to call home to check on my dad." Without waiting for a reply, he rose and quickly made a beeline for the payphone near the entrance.

Lee and Kelly glance at each other for a moment before Kelly said, "I need to make a trip to the little girl's room." She too, rose and walked toward the entrance where the restrooms were located, a plan in mind to make herself as unobtrusive as possible in order to get a look at who her quarry was meeting with.

She rounded the corner to where a bank of pay phones were located and spotted her suspect talking to a brute of a man in hushed angry tones. She picked up the handset of the phone nearest her and made as if she was making a phone call while she listened in. She glanced surreptitiously at the two men and a spark of recognition hit her as she realized the big man was, Rico Tonino, a well-known "enforcer" working for the Cristiano family. She had a file two inches thick back in her office of his various exploits.

She quickly turned her attention back to the phone as if she were listening intently to another party on the other end of the line while she eavesdropped on them.

"Look, I can't do this, okay?"Saarinan said.

"You never were cut out for this, were you?"Tonino replied. "Your problem is that you're spineless, but you're too deep into this to back out now. The deal is going down tomorrow night and if you decide not to show up, you really will be spineless, literally."

"I never wanted any part of this to start with. I was coerced into this by my big brother," Jim protested.

"Ah, your brother," the other man said. "Now, there's a guy who understand family loyalty. Your poor dying daddy was always more proud of him than he was of you and your yellow-bellied tendencies, wasn't he?"

"I don't care if he's proud of me or not, not if it means being a criminal like him," Jim countered. "I just want to get as far away from this as possible."

"Well, you can't. You show up, you do what you're supposed to do and you'll be fine. You can take a powder after that for all I care, but don't even think about trying to weasel out of this now. There's no place you can run that I can't find you. You got me?"

Jim gulped, nodded and said, "Got it."

_Bull's-eye," _Kelly thought at the overheard conversation. She quickly buried her face in the corner of the phone stall as the two men walked past her waiting until they were out of sight before hanging up the phone and making her way to the ladies room to maintain her cover since she'd used that as an excuse to leave the table.

While the meeting was going on in the foyer of the restaurant, there was an awkward silence after Lee and Amanda were left alone together. They locked eyes for a moment, staring at each other intently. Lee was the first to break the silence by asking, "So, how's Phillip?"

"Don't, Lee," Amanda said. "We've been through this already."

"I just want to know how he is. I think I've earned that right after what happened last December. Just tell me, is he healthy?"

At seeing the pleading look in Lee's eyes, Amanda softened and said, "Yes, he's healthy. In fact, he hasn't been sick once since them. While we're on the subject, I want to thank you for taking care of his medical bills, but I really wish you hadn't done it. You have no idea the trouble you caused by doing that."

"I don't care about the trouble it caused. I have a responsibility to my son and you wouldn't let me live up that that responsibility any other way."

"Does your wife know? About Phillip, I mean?"

"No, and there's no reason that she should," Lee said. He could just imagine the flak he'd catch from her if she knew that he'd fathered Amanda's child. She'd already given him a hard time about their prior romance. "It's not as if I'm a part of his life in any real way. You saw to that," he said bitterly as he took a gulp of his wine.

"What did you expect me to do? Phillip has no idea that the man he thinks of as his father really isn't. He loves Joe and Joe loves him. There's no reason to disrupt his life."

"How exactly to you think having another person around who cares for him would disrupt his life? I already told you that I'm okay with you not telling him that I'm his father."

"And just how would you explain your presence in his life without telling the truth?"

"I don't know, okay? I just know that I can't stop thinking about him. I live only four miles away from my son, but it might as well be four-thousand for all the good it does."

"That didn't seem to stop you on his birthday," Amanda said. "You think you're so clever, don't you, skulking around my house, trying not to be seen? Well, I've got news for you; you were seen, not only by me when I caught you peeking in through the French doors, but also by my neighbor across the street. It's probably a good thing that you're not an FBI agent anymore. You'd never make it on an undercover assignment."

Lee chuckled at her comments as he wondered how she'd react if she knew he was on an undercover assignment right now. "So, did he like the birthday present I sent him?" He's agonized over whether he should send his son a birthday gift, then when he'd decided to do it, he'd agonized again over just what to get him, as he didn't know that much about kids. He'd had a lengthy conversation with a sales clerk at the toy store who'd suggested the wooden alphabet blocks because they served two purposes, they were something he would enjoy playing with, but that would also help him learn his ABCs. He'd worried that his son was too young for them until the clerk had reassured him that they were recommended for children age two and up and that it was never too early for a child to start learning.

Amanda shook her head as she recalled how Phillip had driven her nuts with the endless pounding of the blocks just yesterday. "Yes, he loves them," she said with a smile.

"Good, I'm glad," Lee said with a smile. Lee's smile soon faded thought at Amanda's next words.

"But that's another thing that I wish you hadn't done. You can't keep doing stuff like that, sending him gifts, lurking around my house, trying to interfere in my marriage, which while we're on the subject of marriage, just what the hell did you think you were doing last winter? If you've been married for two years, how did you expect to marry me and how exactly did you explain to your wife why you were out all night when you were at the hospital with Phillip if she doesn't know he exists?"

At that moment, seeing the hurt look on her face, realizing that she had accepted Kelly's lie about the length of their "marriage" sent a shooting stab of pain to his chest. He wanted nothing more than to tell her the truth, to tell her that he could never consider marrying anyone except her, but instead to maintain his cover, he said, "Well, Kelly and I were going through a rough patch at that point. I just told her that I crashed with a friend."

"Hmmm," Amanda said thoughtfully as she considered his words. That caused her to wonder if he had only asked her to run off with him because he was unhappy in his own marriage. "So, here's another question for you. If she's happy just being a housewife, why aren't the two of you trying to have children of your own? I mean, it's obvious as much as you're trying to stay a part of Phillip's life how much you want to be a father."

"So, what, you think I can just replace Phillip with another kid? Is that it?" Lee was outraged at that thought. He could no more replace his son with another child than he could replace Amanda in his heart. Didn't she realize that? Why couldn't she see through this farce marriage and realize that she was still the only woman he'd ever loved?

"No, I'm not saying that. I'm just saying that it might help you to get over it, having a child of your own," Amanda said.

"I have a child of my own," Lee said pointedly, "One with a mother who's too damn stubborn to let me see him. You want me to stop lurking around your house, maybe you should give a little."

"No, absolutely not," Amanda said firmly. Having him around more often would just make things worse. She hated to admit it, but her mother was right. As much as she tried to deny it, she still had strong feelings for Lee and she didn't trust herself not to act on those feelings if he were around more often. She'd wanted to give in to him so badly last winter and let him make love to her, to feel those feelings again from their one night together. She shook off those nagging thoughts. "Phillip is perfectly happy and I don't intend to mess with that."

"Why are you so damned determined to believe that having me in his life would make him _unhappy_?" When Amanda didn't answer, he went on, "I could take you to court, you know? I do have a legal leg to stand on. I have copies of the tests that were done proving that I'm his father, documentation that it was the transfusion of my blood that saved his life, and receipts showing that I paid the hospital bills."

"Well, you could certainly try, but I doubt you'd get very far in doing so," Amanda said icily. "Joe is a lawyer, after all, and a very good one at that. He was top of his class at Georgetown. Besides, while you may be Phillip's biological father, Joe's name is the one on his birth certificate and Joe's the one who's been there for him."

"Only because you wouldn't let me be there," Lee said. "And by the way, I don't recall seeing him being there at his birthday party. Where was he then? In fact, where is he now? He's not here with you and he's not at home with Phillip. You know, that brings me to another point, while you're here living it up with your old boyfriend, who's looking after our son?"

"My parents are staying at the house with him and Jamie. Remember Jamie, my other son? The one who is Joe's biological child," Amanda said unable to resist rubbing his nose in the fact that he wasn't the only man who'd given her a child.

Lee looked at her disgustedly at the thought of Joe King touching her and was about to reply when their debate was halted by the return of Jim Saarinan.

"So, what's going on here?" Jim said as he looked from on to the other and immediately noticed the tension between them.

"Oh, nothing," Lee said painting on a smile. "We were just catching up."

"Is that all," Jim said as he slid into his seat next to Amanda.

Amanda smiled brightly and said, "Yes, that's all."

Kelly returned to the table before Jim could question any further. It's not as if it really mattered. He had enough of his own problems to worry about.

"Hi, Sweetheart," Kelly said to Lee. "I'm sorry I was gone for so long. I don't think that mushroom appetizer agreed with me." She laid a hand on her stomach for dramatic effect.

"Well, then we should go," Lee said as he rose from his seat, taking her hint to leave so they could discuss whatever it was she'd just learned. He hastily pulled his wallet from his pocket, threw a few bills on the table and prepared to leave when Jim's voice stopped him.

"Well, this was fun. We should do it again tomorrow night," he suggested wanting to keep a close watch on Lee Stetson as he wondered exactly what he was really doing there. He didn't quite buy his story of going from being an FBI agent to being a filmmaker.

"That sounds great," Lee said. _Perfect, _he thought. That would give him another opportunity to pick his brain a little. "Don't you think so, Honey?" he purred to his partner as he slid an arm around her waist.

"Yes, I should be feeling better by then," Kelly replied as they made their way out of the restaurant.

"You know, we should go too. I need to call home and check on my children," Amanda said.

"Of course, I'll walk you to your room," Jim said with a smile. He, like Lee had, tossed some money on the table as he and Amanda extracted themselves from the booth. He then linked his arm with Amanda's as the exited the restaurant and entered the hotel's lobby to head toward the elevators.

As they waited for the elevator, Jim noticed Lee and his wife through the glass windows of the resort's lobby shop and that they appeared to be speaking in hushed tones. "I wonder what they're up to," he said with a nod toward them.

"I don't know," Amanda said. "If she's got an upset stomach, maybe they're looking for an antacid or something." She wondered if there wasn't more to the upset stomach as her mind reflected back on her conversation with Lee about having children with his wife and wondered if they hadn't already started that process. She remembered the effects of morning sickness all too well and how it very rarely ever hit only in the morning. She sighed at the thought of the other woman carrying Lee's child, the idea of it filling her with a resentment that she couldn't quite fathom. Why should it matter to her if he had a child with his wife? She had a child with her husband, after all. She was spared any further thought of it by Jim gently nudging her arm to get her attention. She looked back toward him and realized that the elevator had arrived.

"So, are you having fun this weekend, so far?" Jim asked her as the elevator doors closed behind them.

"Yeah," she said trying to smile even through the bitter envy she felt for Lee's wife.

"You don't sound entirely convinced of that," Jim said as he took in the hollow expression on her face.

"No, I'm having a great time really," Amanda said as the doors opened onto her floor and they stepped out of the elevator together and began to walk down the hall toward her room while she dug for her key in her purse. "I just...I just wish my husband was here. I'm a little lonely without him." She stopped as she reached the door of her room, turned and unlocked the door, but before she could open it, she felt herself being spun around face to face with her ex-flame.

"I've got the cure for your loneliness," he said in a low voice.

Before Amanda knew what was happening, Jim's lips had descended on hers, his body pressing hers against the door. She struggled against him, pushing her hands against his chest to get him away from her. "Stop it," she said as her hand made solid contact with his face.

"Oh, come on, Amanda, you've been teasing me all day," Jim said as he pressed against her again. "Don't try to tell me you don't remember what it was like for us freshman year, how good we were together."

Amanda pushed on his chest again and said, "I remember, but as I said earlier, that's in the past. I'm married now."

"And where's your husband now? He didn't care enough to be here with you, did he?" her companion said as he moved in closer again this time not giving her any room to push him away again as he grasped her wrists.

"He'll be here," she said firmly as she struggled against him.

"Well, he's not here now and I say we use that to our advantage," Jim said in a low husky voice in her ear as he nuzzled her neck.

"No," she cried out as she tried to free her wrists from his tight grip. "No!" she said more firmly as her protests fell on deaf ears. When he still would not relent, her protest became a scream, "NOOO!" her heart pounding at her former lover's assault on her. Just when her panic level was increasing to the point that she thought her chest would explode, he released her abruptly. When she was able to get her bearings again, she realized that it was not by Jim's choice as Lee was holding him by the lapels of his jacket.

"The lady said no," Lee said echoing his words of four years ago the night he'd first met the mother of his child, the same night they'd spent locked in each other's arms.

"Oh come on, Stetson! You should know as well as I do what kind of "lady" she really is. Isn't that why her nickname was "Randy Mandy" in the locker room?"

Lee lodged a solid punch to the other man's jaw knocking him backward and said, "That doesn't give you the right to keep on coming when she clearly said no, repeatedly." He was riled up at hearing that derogatory nickname used to describe the woman he loved, though inwardly he grimaced as the nickname had come from his own anger and disappointment that she'd been determined to marry Joe King in spite of all of his efforts to convince her to give him a chance. He then grabbed Jim Saarinan again shoving him the direction of his room down the hall and growled, "Now, get out of here and go sleep it off."

"Amanda, I'm sorry," Jim said guiltily earning him a glare from Lee. Not wanting to press the issue, he slunk down the hall, leaving the other three staring after him until he'd disappeared into his room.

"Are you ok?"Lee asked Amanda worriedly.

"Fine. Thanks for the rescue," she said with a shy smile her thoughts in a flurry as she recalled how his rescue of her by a drunken frat boy four years ago had ultimately led them to the conception of their son. She blushed slightly as her memories of that night washed over her. Looking at Lee and the expression on his face, she knew he was thinking about it too. "I...uh...I should go." She pointed to her room. "I need to call my parents and check on my boys." She then hastily made her way into her room before she could be caught up again in his intense gaze as that did nothing but get her into trouble.


	10. 1976-Part 4

Author's Note: So, once again my plans for the 1976 installment of this tale turned out to be longer than I expected and it will take one more chapter after this one to wrap it up. I hope you like this latest chapter.

**July 3, 1976**

Amanda awoke later than she'd planned on the next morning having had trouble sleeping the night before. She'd laid down with her thoughts a complete jumble due to the events of the day. Her conversation with Lee had her rattled as she wondered if he might make good on his threat to take her to court to gain visitation rights to Phillip. She hoped that he had been only trying to make a point and that he wouldn't actually follow through with it. Her already shaky marriage didn't need any more stress added to it. As much as she'd tried to convince herself that everything was okay, she knew things between her and Joe were far from okay. She was still reeling from the fact that he'd called her selfish during their phone conversation just because she'd gotten upset that he wouldn't be home when he said he would be.

Thoughts of her husband had then led her to thinking that if he'd been with her from the start of the weekend as he'd originally promised to be, then she'd never have been subjected to Jim's unwelcome, drunken advances. She had no doubt that had her husband been by her side, he'd never had dared to make such a bold move. Her thoughts then drifted to Lee's chivalrous rescue of her and how closely it had mirrored his rescue of her four years earlier on the night of the pre-graduation party. Those thoughts in turn led to her once again reminiscing about how the remainder of that night had gone, how she'd spent the majority of the night making love with her hero. The more she thought of it, the more she realized that she did see him that way. He'd rescued her that night and again last night. If only she'd given in that next night when he'd come to her sorority house. He could have rescued her from the life she was living now if only she hadn't been too scared to let him.

She had desperately tried to block those thoughts from her mind. It did no good to dwell on the what-ifs. She had to focus on the present and on the future. She had two little boys that she was responsible for and their needs had to come before her own. They needed a stable father figure and Joe could provide that. After all, hadn't Lee said himself that his job required him to travel constantly? No, she and her children were better off this way she tried to convince herself. Even though he marriage may a little rocky, she at least knew that her husband loved her enough to be willing to adapt to please her. _Not enough that he's willing to stay home, _she argued with herself. _How is what you have now any different than what you would have with Lee? Maybe he would come home more often, and then at least you'd have a man that you know for sure wants you. _No, she told herself firmly. She'd made a commitment to Joe and she was determined that she was going to honor that commitment.

She had finally been able to close her mind to all her nagging thoughts and had begun to drift off to sleep when she was startled by loud sounds coming from the room next door only this time the sounds she heard were not those of unbridled passion like those she'd heard like earlier in the day. This was the sound of a blazing screaming match. She couldn't make out all of the words, they were saying, but she knew without a doubt that they were fighting about her as she very clearly heard her name. She wondered if Lee's wife was just as jealous of her as Joe was of Lee.

Amanda decided that the fight that had happened next door was none of her business as she yawned, stretched, climbed out of bed and made her way to the shower to get ready for the day.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Lee awoke alone wondering where Kelly was. They'd had a huge screaming match the night before that had turned into a very wild round of angry sex, which while physically satisfying, it hadn't been enough to distract him from his thoughts of Amanda as it had earlier in the day. Instead it had left him feeling cold, empty and a little guilty as if her were cheating on Amanda after the force of the looks that had passed between them before she'd retreated to her room. He knew it was because she knew just as well as he did that as much as she tried to deny it, there was still an intense heat between them. While there was no doubt that Kelly was hot, she just didn't have the same fire, didn't do for him what Amanda did. He doubted he would ever find a woman who did. The closest he'd come was Dorothy and she was dead, along with his child that she'd been carrying. He hauled himself wearily out of bed as images of the night before haunted him.

_The door to their room hadn't been closed behind them for ten seconds when he was blindsided by a solid right hook to his jaw. "Hey, what the hell was that for," he shouted._

_"As if you don't know!"Kelly had shouted back. "Do you mind telling me just what the hell that disgusting display out there in the hallway was?"_

_"Disgusting? Just how the hell is rescuing Amanda from an attempted rapist disgusting? Isn't part of our job to protect people?"_

_"I'll tell you how it's disgusting. Protecting people is one thing, but punching our suspect is quite another."_

_"That was in the name of protecting her," he argued though he knew it wasn't._

_"Protecting her honor, maybe," Kelly fired back. "You didn't need to hit him. You'd already gotten him to back off and you only hit him because he insulted your precious Amanda!"_

_"This has nothing to do with Amanda so just leave her out of this! You're just pissed because it wasn't your honor I was defending. Oh, wait; you'd have to have some honor first, wouldn't you?"_

_She slapped him hard across the face and shouted, "Listen, Hotshot, I have worked on this case for six months. Six months and I'm not about to let all the hard work go down the drain because you've got a hard-on for your old girlfriend!"_

_"A hard-on! I seem to remember someone else giving me a pretty good hard-on," he said leering at her. She raised her hand to slap him again, but this time he caught her hand in his before it could connect with his face. "It was good too, wasn't it, Baby?" He grasped her other hand, pinning both hands behind her back as he pressed against her. "Had you screaming like a banshee."_

_Kelly Saunders tried to wriggle free but when he held her fast with a burning look in his eyes, she sniped, "God, you're no better than that drunken perv down the hall!"_

_"Oh, no, I'm much better than he is. In fact, if I'd been the one making a move on Amanda, I guarantee I'd be in her room, in her bed, by now," Lee fired back. _

Lee was pulled from his reverie by the sound of the shower being turned on. _So that's where she is, _he thought. Her getting out of bed must have been what had woken him. Since working for the agency, he'd become a much lighter sleeper than he used to be. He'd had to as it had kept him alive in some very hairy situations.

Lee sighed as he sat up and reflected on his words to Kelly and wondered if they were really true. Would Amanda have let him in? He was almost sure she would have. He'd seen the hungry look in her eyes when they'd first met in the hallway and again at dinner when they'd talked about their son. The look in her eyes had told him that no matter how much she tried to deny it, she'd still never gotten over their one night together anymore than he had. The same fire was still there, yet it was wasted on a man who couldn't give a crap, a man who didn't come close to satisfying her needs, a man who, as far as he knew hadn't been around her for close to six months.

Thinking of Joe King and how badly neglected the woman they both loved made him sick. It made him sicker to think that he was the one raising his son, was supposed to be acting as a father to him, and yet was neglecting him too. He'd told Amanda again that he wanted a chance with his son, but she'd turned him down cold, even after he'd threatened to take legal action against her. He has plenty of ammunition to do it with. Maybe he should. _No, that would just hurt her and she's been hurt enough, _he thought. Besides, with his job, it wasn't as if he was in any great position to be a weekend dad to his kid. No, the solution wasn't to fight for visitation rights; the solution was to get her to see that they should be a real family. The agency made more allowances for agents with families. Maybe, Billy wouldn't sent him on as many overseas assignments if her were married.

_Married_, he thought as he glanced down at the wedding band he wore and cringed. A wedding ring was supposed to be a symbol of unwavering love and commitment, yet here he was pretending to have that with a woman he couldn't stomach. He wrenched the ring from his finger and launched it across the room, hearing it make a slight tinkling sound at it hit the door and ricocheted off the doorknob before landing on the floor. "Damn," he growled as he reached for his discarded boxers, pulled them on, and then crossed the room to retrieve it. He shoved it back on regretfully, but he knew that until the case was over, he still had to maintain his cover as husband to the Wicked Witch of the West. He couldn't help but chuckle a little at the imagery that thought had created, first that the name fit perfectly with his old ties to the OZ network and second, that Kelly had looked a little green during their massive fight the night before.

Gazing at the wedding ring once again forced his thoughts back to Amanda and how much he still longed for a life with her that she kept telling him that he couldn't have, even though he knew that deep down, she wanted it too. He'd seen the look in her eyes after he'd rescued her from Saarinan's unwanted advances reminiscent of the one her eyes when they'd first met and he'd rescued her from the drunken frat boy who'd made a move after she said now. He knew without a doubt at seeing that look, hearing her nervous stammering, that she'd been thinking the same thing that he had, that his first rescue of her had led to that one romantic, beautiful night they'd shared, which in turn had led to them making a baby together. He had to convince her that they belonged together, that he could give her what she really wanted.

Lee quickly threw the rest of his clothes on and marched resolutely out into the hall, rapping firmly on her door. When there wasn't an immediate answer and he heard no sound coming from inside, he knocked again and called, "Amanda?"

When she finally opened the door, Lee gasped at seeing her clad in nothing but her robe, her hair wet from a shower. He felt desire flooding through him at seeing her in that state and before he could give her a chance to protest, he pushed his way into the room, slamming the door behind him. He pulled her into his arms, pressed her against the door as he'd done in her dorm room all those years ago and captured her lips with his own.

Amanda's response was instantaneous as she linked her arms around his neck deepening the kiss that he'd started, kissing him back hungrily as if she were starving, moaning into his mouth at the feelings his kisses invoked. She knew it was wrong, but how could something that was so wrong feel so right. The way that he touched her made her feel as if she were right where she belonged where everything about Joe just felt wrong, like something was missing. The fleeting thought of her husband stopped her cold as she tore her mouth from Lee's, "No," she said. "I can't."

"Amanda, don't," Lee said in a hoarse whisper. "Please, don't do this to me again. You can't deny that you want this, want _me_." He cupped her face in one hand and added, "I can see it in your eyes."

"God, yes, I want you, but that doesn't make it right. I'm married. Married, Lee, I made a commitment and like it or not, I have to stick to it." She pushed on his chest and moved away from him to control the raging fire burning within her before she lost all sense of self-control. When she's made it across the room and said, "And whether you believe it or not, I do love Joe."

"But he can't give you what you need. You may love him, but you're _in love_ with me. You know it and I know it, the same way that I'm in love with you, so why should we fight it any longer," Lee said as he crossed the room and once again wrapped his arms around her, kissing her soundly. At feeling her eager response, he became bolder, slipping one hand inside her robe to cup her bare bottom pulling her closer to him so that there was no mistaking his desire for her. He then lowered his lips to the tender pulse point at her neck as he backed up toward the bed.

"Lee," she gasped as they toppled to the bed together her landing atop him. She was tired of fighting it, tired of being lonely. She knew Lee was right that for all her talk of staying with Joe, he couldn't give her what she needed. She reached for the waistband of Lee's pants, desperate to feel all of him, feel him inside her, touching her, kissing her. She longed to feel the way he'd made her feel the night their son had been conceived, the way she hadn't felt since that night. "Lee," she cried out again as his hands began to explore her body, "Make love to me."

"Oh, Amanda," Lee groaned against her neck as she worked her hand inside his pants. Feeling her touching him, knowing that she was willingly allowing him to touch her, hearing her pleading tone asking him to make love to her sent his hear soaring. He shifted their positions, rolling her beneath his as he plundered her mouth with his tongue, delighting in the low moans it elicited from her. He felt her nimble fingers working the buttons on his shirt while he reached for the belt of her robe.

Their passionate interlude was interrupted by the jarring ringing of the phone jolting Amanda back to reality. She pushed on Lee's chest and wriggled from beneath him as she reached for the receiver, but Lee halted her movement with his hand on hers, "Let it ring," he said.

"I can't," she said disconcerted by the ardent desire in his eyes, a wave of guilt swamping her soul. "It might be my parents calling about the boys."

"Yeah, you're right. You should get that, Lee said as he nodded and released her hand. He saw the guilt-ridden look that had crossed her face, knowing that the moment was over and once again they'd missed their chance. He knew without a doubt in seeing that look that she wouldn't let him get that close again.

"Hello?"Amanda aid as she answered it. "Joe? No, I'm fine. I...uh...just got out of the shower, that's all...You're getting on a plane now? Oh, you're getting on your second plane."

"Damn it," Lee growled under his breath as he straightened his clothing and left the room slamming the door behind him, cursing the interruption, cursing Joe King for calling at the wrong time and cursing himself for not taking action four years ago when he should have.

Amanda wrapped up her conversation with her husband by saying, "I can't wait to see you tonight." That part was true. With her husband by her side, she couldn't be tempted to lose herself in Lee's arms again. As she hung up the phone, she glanced down at her wedding band that suddenly felt so tight on her finger. She slipped it off for a moment to stare at it and cringed at the thought of how close she'd come to breaking her marriage vows and causing Lee to break his. While she knew that Lee was right and she felt a desire for him that she couldn't shake, she was still having trouble believing he was right when he said that she was in love with him and not her husband. Why else would she be so happy that Joe was finally on his way, was catching his connecting flight to bring him home to her?

She shook her head in an attempt to shake off those nagging thoughts, slid her ring back on her finger, made her way to the mini-bar, pouring herself a stiff drink, not caring that it was only ten AM. She needed something to calm her unsteady nerves. As she down the scotch she'd just poured, she couldn't help her mind drifting back to the scotch she'd shared with Lee the night that he'd been so attentive and that they'd talked so freely, before spending the rest of the night locked in each other's arms. She lightly brushed her fingers across her lips that were still swollen from Lee's heated kisses and shuddered a little. "I have to stop thinking about this," she said to herself as she gulped down her drink and poured another one.

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That evening as the party was in full swing on the beach, Lee and Kelly walked hand in hand pretending to be the happy couple they were supposed to be, smiling and nodding at people they passed by.

"So, where'd you disappear to this morning while I was in the shower?" she questioned. "Off to visit your old girlfriend?"

"Jealous?" He fired back challengingly, but inwardly was downhearted because of the intrusion of Amanda's husband on what could have been a new beginning for the two of them. It was probably better this way, he tried to reason with himself as deep down, he knew that Amanda would have been wracked with guilt for sleeping with him while still married to Joe, no matter how much she might want it. He felt hordes of guilt himself at the way he'd pushed his way into his room, feeling no better than the guy he'd punched last night. She'd said no and he'd pushed until she gave in, or almost gave in.

Lee's thoughts were interrupting by Kelly's mocking tone beside him, "Jealous? Hardly. I don't give a shit if you screw every woman in the place," she hissed. "I just don't want your inability to keep it in your pants screwing up this case."

"Nothing's going to screw up this case as long as we keep our eyes on our target," Lee said as he nodded toward the temporary dance floor where the perp was dancing with Amanda. He looked on with disdain wondering what the hell she was thinking about dancing with a guy who'd tried his hand at sexual assault the night before. He couldn't help being curious what had led to Amanda giving him another shot. He knew he wouldn't have been that forgiving.

"Come on, let's get closer," Kelly said leading him toward the dance floor.

"Yeah, good idea," Lee said though it was the last thing on earth he wanted to do. They navigated their way through the crowd on the floor and found a spot close enough to keep an eye on their quarry. They knew from the conversation that Kelly had overheard, that whatever was going down was going down tonight. Their best guess was that it was going to happen during tonight's fireworks display that had been arranged as a precursor to the big event tomorrow night, and they had two teams of agents on standby just waiting for their signal. As they made a show of dancing as a couple would, Lee felt as if he'd been punched in the gut when her heard Amanda's laughter at something that their suspected perp had just said. He sighed and said, "You know, I've got a better idea. You and Jimbo over there seemed to hit it off. Maybe you could cut in. You'd really be able to keep an eye on him that way. Then if he suddenly has to excuse himself. You'd be in the perfect position to call in the strike."

Kelly glanced at the pair in question and said, "Logical plan, but are you sure this isn't just an excuse for you to get your hands on your old girlfriend?"

"Believe me, that is the last thing I want to do right now," he said with a sigh as he took in Amanda's slender form attired in a bikini with a wrap tied loosely around her waist, her back and midriff exposed reminding him of her similar attire the night they'd made love. He sighed again and said, "But it seems to be the best scenario."

"My God, you really do have it bad for her, don't you?" she said with a sardonic laugh. "I don't suppose it's crossed your mind that she's married. I mean, _really _married, not like this fake crap you and I are trying to pull off here."

"Don't remind me," he said bitterly. Then realizing how that sounded and not wanting his weakness for Amanda to be that obvious, he covered by adding, "I'll just be glad when this case is over and you and I can get a divorce."

"Can't happen too soon for me," Kelly countered. "Let's just get this done." She pulled herself from his arms as they approached the other pair, painted on her best smile and said sweetly, "Jim, so nice to see you again. I hope you're feeling better after over-indulging last night."

"You too," Jim said as he paused in his dance with Amanda. "You were a little under the weather yourself last night."

"Oh, I'm fine. My darling husband here took good care of me," she said with a slight leer for Amanda's benefit taking great pleasure in watching the other woman turning a little green. "I was just thinking though, that with everything that happened, I didn't really get much of a chance to get to know you. Lee has talked about his college days and I've so been looking forward to meeting all the friends he talks about. So, I was wondering if I might cut in here. You don't mind, do you, Amanda?" Without giving Amanda a chance to answer, she linked her arm with Jim's giving him no choice, leaving Lee and Amanda awkwardly staring at one another.

"Well, she's certainly...exuberant," Amanda commented as she watched her sweeping Jim away to another part of the floor.

"In more ways than one," Lee said suggestively a smug smile appearing on his face at seeing the flare of jealousy in Amanda's eyes. "Shall we?" he said offering her his arm.

"I don't know," she said as she wrung her hands together. "After what happened this morning...I...I..."she stammered nervously.

"Amanda, we're on a crowded dance floor. What could possibly happen? Besides, you getting a call from your husband right in the middle of things kind of put a damper on things, don't you think?"

"Yeah," she said as she conceded and let him lead her in a dance. "What about your wife? I thought this was supposed to be a second honeymoon for you. I...I...couldn't help but here you arguing last night."

"Yeah, things aren't going so great there," Lee said.

"You were fighting about me, weren't you? About what you did for me last night?"

"Just how much did you hear?" Lee asked worriedly hoping that she hadn't heard that part about the case. That would definitely blow his cover.

"Not a lot, just my name. It...it was pretty muffled."

Lee deciding to use that to his advantage said, "Well, she got a little jealous that I was so protective of you. Speaking of which, just what the hell do you think you're doing hanging out with him tonight after the way he attacked you last night?"

"He was drunk and got a little carried away. He apologized to me today and has been a perfect gentleman ever since, unlike some people I know," she said with a pointed look.

During their conversation, Lee had noticed that her speech was a little slurred. He shifted slightly moving his hand to the small of her back pulling her close enough to smell the scent of strong liquor on her breath. "You've been doing a little drinking yourself."

"I needed a little something after what...what happened," Amanda explained as she shivered slightly at the jolt his hand on her bare skin was sending through her entire body.

"Nothing happened. Your precious Joe took care of that," Lee said.

"Don't you think that's a good thing," Amanda said. "I mean, we're both married. It would have been a disaster."

"Yeah, you're probably right," Lee said. As much as he wanted to believe what he'd seen in her eyes when they'd almost made love earlier, that she loved him just as much as he loved her, he knew that she'd never own up to it, not as long as she still wore Joe King's ring on her finger.

"Besides, you said Kelly's jealous of me. Well, Joe's ten times as jealous of you."

"He has good reason to be. No matter how much he says he loves you and loves Phillip, He knows that there's a part of you that will always belong to me."

"No," Amanda denied.

"Yes, you admitted it yourself this morning. You can't lie to me about it anymore, not when I heard you asking me to make love to you, felt you in my arms lying there beneath me, felt your hands undressing me," he said in a low, husky voice in her ear. "It's just like I said in December, you may love him, but you want me."

"Lee, please don't. I know what I said and I meant it, but I...I can't. That phone call from Joe was just the wake-up call I needed to realize what a mistake I'd be making. I have two children at home to think about."

"One of whom is mine. Why don't you ever think about that, huh?"

"Lee..." Amanda whispered.

Lee ignored her protests as he continued seductively in her ear. "Remember the night we made him? How many times we made love that night. Which one do you think was the magic one, huh? When I was on top? When you were on top riding me like you were competing in the Kentucky Derby? Or maybe it was when we were on our sides and I took you from behind? God, I remember how much you enjoyed that one, the way you called out my name when I was inside you. I just wish I'd known then that I was leaving a piece of myself inside you." He paused for dramatic effect then whispered barely audibly, "I know how much you wanted me inside you again today."

"Please," she pleaded trying to pull away from him in a futile attempt to control her body's response to his so close to hers, the sinful words he was whispering in her ear bringing all the old memories flooding back. Amanda found herself surprised that he released his tight hold on her and held her at arm's length instead.

Lee still resting his hand on the small of her back guided her to the edge of the dance floor and away from the crowd. He then turned her to face him. "Relax, Amanda, I'm not going to try anything like I did this morning even though I know you want it," he said as he cupped her chin and gazed longingly into her eyes. He thought back to Kelly's vicious words of the night before and said, "That would make me no better than your friend over there. I just want this little trip down memory lane to serve as a reminder to you, when your husband gets here and you're letting him fuck you senseless later tonight, that he's never going to be me. I want you to remember how good it was between us and what it is that your body really aches for because we both know it's not a mild-mannered lawyer who has a more burning desire to save the world than he has for his own wife."

"Just what the hell is going on here," Joe King demanded having seen his wife exiting the dance floor with the man who'd once been her lover. In seeing the way the two were looking at each other now, he couldn't help but wonder if he was still her lover.

"Joe," Amanda said as she escaped Lee's grasp and launched herself at her husband and peppered his face with kisses. "Oh, Sweetheart, I'm so glad to see you. I missed you so much."

"Not enough, apparently," Joe said with an icy glare at Lee.

"Remember what I said, Amanda," Lee said pointedly giving Joe a mock salute as he strode off to find his partner.


	11. 1976-Part 5

For this chapter, during the heated scene between Joe and Amanda, I have to admit that I shamelessly borrowed the four lines of dialogue about passing the bar and being sober from the 1986 movie "The Money Pit." It was such a great bit of dialogue and fit perfectly into their argument. I modified them and added some stuff to these lines, but sadly, I cannot take credit for it being completely original and need to give credit where credit is due.

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"What exactly is going on here," Joe said pulling away from his wife and folding his arms across his chest, not at all happy to have found her once again in her lover's arms.

"Look, there's nothing going on here," Amanda said as she linked her arms around his neck.

"You were dancing with him," Joe said accusingly pulling her arms off of him.

"Just dancing, that's it," Amanda said as she moved closer to him again.

"Really? You're sure that's all it is?"

"Yes, I promise. I didn't even know he was going to be here. We were talking about Phillip," Amanda said. That part was true. They'd been talking about Phillip's conception, but she felt that was something Joe didn't need to know as it would only make him angry again. He already knew that Lee was Phillip's father and there was no need to open old wounds now that they were together again. "Speaking of which," she said. "We should go up to our room and talk in private. We may have a problem."

"What kind of problem," Joe inquired as they walked into the hotel together and waited for the elevator.

"I'll tell you once we get upstairs," Amanda said just as the elevator doors opened. As they stepped inside, she reached to put her arms around him and said, "I really did miss you, Sweetheart."

"Yeah?"He questioned sliding his arms to her waist, wanting to trust in her when she said there was nothing going on.

"Mm-hmm. Let me show you how much," she said tugging at the back of his neck to pull him in for a kiss poring everything she had into it, pressing against him.

Joe responded by wrapping his arms tightly around her and kissing her back furiously. They continued to kiss until they felt the need to come up for air, "You've been drinking," he said breathlessly having tasted the liquor on her lips and her tongue.

"Well, I was just at a party," Amanda said. "But now I'm in the mood for a private party," She reached for the emergency stop button on the elevator not wanting to waste another second to show her husband how much she'd missed being close to him as she pressed against him, pushing him against the wall.

"Not here," He protested. "Let's wait until we get to our room where we can really be alone."

"We're alone now," She said in a raspy whisper.

When Amanda pressed her lips against his to encourage him to continue what they had started, he responded at first, but then pulled back. "Amanda, I love you, but hold on." He started the elevator back up.

"No, Joe," Amanda said pushing the button again. "It's been over five months and I need you now." She dropped the wrap from her waist so that she was standing in front of him in just the bikini, tugged on his shirt to pull him closer, nipped at the tender skin of his neck and whimpered, "Please, Joe, make love to me."

"Amanda, stop," Joe said getting irritated as he jabbed at the button again. "I get that it's been over five months. It's been driving me crazy too, but after waiting that long, are you honestly telling me that you can't wait another five minutes until we get to our room?"

"God, what the hell is wrong with you?" Amanda yelled. The liquor in her system having lowered her inhibitions giving her the courage to say to him what she'd normally never say. "There are two men down there," she said with a wild gesture, "Not one, but _two_ who would love to have me throwing myself at them half-naked like I am with you and wouldn't hesitate to take me right here and now, so why won't you?"

"I knew it," Joe said. "I knew there was something going on with that man!" "You've been screwing him this whole time that I've been away, haven't you?"

"What? NO!" she answered loudly. "I have been faithful to you just like I promised I would be! I told you last winter that this thing with Lee is over."

"No, it's not," Joe said. "Look at you. You're all flushed, just like you were down there when you were dancing with him. You may not be sleeping with him, but you definitely seem to enjoy walking a fine line. You let him get you all hot, all worked up, and then you turn him down so you can bring all that pent-up sexual energy to me! Isn't that what's really going on here? You can't get that worked up over me, so you need him to give you a little boost."

"Look who's talking about needing a little boost," Amanda fired back though on some level, she knew that he was partially right. She didn't think that she'd be in quite the state she was in if it hadn't been for her thwarted attempt at sleeping with Lee earlier in the day and his suggestive words on the dance floor, but she wasn't about to back down now. She had to make him see that they could be the same way if he'd just put forth a little effort. "The most excitement I've ever felt in our sex life is when you've been acting like a jealous ass over him, after that night in the hospital, then again when you found out that he paid Phillip's medical bills!"

"You think that's what this is all about? Jealousy?"He said just as the doors opened on their floor. He flew out the doors toward their room.

"Isn't it?" Amanda said as she followed him. By the time she reached him, he'd already unlocked the door.

"No, it's not. This is about the fact that I can't leave you alone without you running to him!' he shouted as he pushed open the door so hard that it slammed against the wall.

"I didn't got running to him! I already told you that I didn't know he was going to be here!"She herself shouted as she entered the room and slammed the door behind him.

"How could you not know he was going to be here? He was one of your college classmates, wasn't he? This is the whole reason I didn't want to come to this damn thing!"

"Do you know how many people graduated in 1972? Come on! I mean, he only went there for one year so it's not like he was Mr. Popularity when he was there!"

"Please, Amanda, I saw your yearbook. He was a jock. Those guys are _always _popular, they're the ones who are always invited to all the parties, get all the breaks from professors, the ones the girls are always chasing," Joe said bitterly.

"I don't believe it! You're not just jealous of Lee because of me. You're jealous of him because he was an athlete and you were a bookworm. That is so juvenile."

"No, it's not juvenile to want the man to keep his hands off my wife or for my _wife _to keep her hands off him."

"I told you that we were just dancing," Amanda protested.

"That must have been a hell of a dance to leave you looking the way you did and get you that worked up."

"Look, can you just forget about Lee. This isn't about him. This is about you and me and why you're so afraid to let yourself go with me! I thought after all this time apart, you'd be happy to see me, and that you'd feel like I do! That you wouldn't want to wait to make love again, unless you really just don't want me!" She thought bitterly of the interrupted interlude between her and Lee earlier in the day and silently cursed him for calling and getting her hopes up that things would be okay between them when he got there. She wished now that she'd listened to Lee when he'd told her not to answer the phone. At least then, she'd be with a man that she knew for sure wanted to be with her. Another wave of guilt passed through her at her wayward thoughts of wishing that she'd cheated on her husband. _What the hell is wrong with me?_

"Just because I'm not acting like a drunken slut doesn't mean that I don't want you!"

Amanda gasped in horror at his last comment and said, "Excuse me?"

"Oh, come on, Amanda, when I was down there looking for you, I heard some of your friends talking about how you'd been hanging out with your old boyfriend all weekend."

"Yes, I was, but it wasn't Lee. It was Jim. I did date other guys before I met you, remember? And for the record, before I met Lee too!"

"Yeah, but you didn't get knocked up by them!"

"Oh, here we go again," Amanda said. "Look, I have apologized and apologized for that and for not telling you my suspicions about Phillip and I can't apologize anymore! I know you were hurt and angry when you found out the truth, but you can't hold it against me forever, not if you really love me like you say you do. You can either accept things as they are or move the hell on!"

"That's what you want, isn't it? For me to move the hell on, so you can be free to be with your football player!"

"That's not what I want! What I want is a husband who cares enough to be there for our family! I want a man who cares more for his family that he does for strangers! I want a man who wants me, wants to be there for me, wants to make love to me once in a while! I'm damn tired of being lonely!"

"Did it ever occur to you that we could have had that all this time if you just hadn't been so damned stubborn? We could have been together all this time, could have had all the excitement you want, could have been making love every night!"

"Where? In a straw hut? A tent? The middle of the jungle?"

"You just wanted to make love in the damn elevator? What's the difference?"

"The difference is at least the elevator is part of civilization. I told you when you wanted to leave that I don't want my children dragged all over the globe where it may not be safe for them, where there may not be good medical care for them if they need it! My God, after what happened to Phillip, I would think that you'd want that too! My children are the most important thing in the world to me and I thought they would be to you too!"

"They're you go talking about _your_ children as if I have no say-so in all of this."

"You don't," Amanda said firmly. "Not if you're planning to put their lives in danger, Phillip's only three and Jamie's not even a year old yet and I'm not taking a chance with their lives."

"I'm their father! I have rights!"

"God, you sound just like Lee!"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"That's what I wanted to tell you about. He's threatening to get a lawyer and take me to court over visitation rights to Phillip!" She then laid out the details of her conversation with Lee of the night before.

"God, this is like a nightmare that never ends," Joe growled. "Well, we'll just have to keep that from happening!"

"And how exactly do you propose we do that? You may not like it, but he makes a good point. He is Phillip's father and as such, he does have rights. You're a lawyer; you should know that better than anyone!"

"It's simple! It's what I've wanted all along. You and the boys come back with me! He can't sue you for visitation rights if he can't find you!"

Amanda gaped at him. Fueled by liquor and angered at his suggesting once again that they drag her two little boys out of their comfortable home to go traipsing god knows where only spurred Amanda on. "That is such a dumb idea. Sometimes it amazes me you ever passed the bar," she said hotly.

Shocked by her insult, Joe fired back equally angrily, "I'm sure it does since you've never passed a bar in your life!"

"Well, I knew you were coming here and you are _so_ much less attractive when I'm sober," Amanda countered.

"Thank goodness it's not that often."

"What is _that_ supposed to mean?"Amanda said.

"You know exactly what it means, Amanda! We wouldn't be in this situation if you hadn't gotten drunk and slept with him in college in the first place!"

"That would never have happened if you hadn't walked out on me!" Amanda restored with an accusing finger pointed at him.

"Oh, no, Amanda, you don't get to blame this on me! I wasn't the one who walked away! You were, remember?"

"Fine! Watch me walk away again!"She shouted as she yanked the door open, hurried into the hall and slammed it behind her. She fired one last parting shot through the door. "Oh, and don't come after me again!" she screamed as the memories of the hurt he'd caused her when he hadn't stopped her from walking away that night came flooding back. She took a deep breath, glanced down at her wedding ring, thinking that she should have realized then when he hesitated on getting married in the first place that he wasn't going to be the kind of husband that she needed him to be. For a fleeting moment, she considered going back in there and trying to work this out with him, but decided against it. They were both too angry to talk things out rationally. She'd wait until they both cooled down a little before trying to reason with him again.

She took off down the hall and instead of waiting for the elevator this time, decided to take the stairs. When she descended the last flight of stairs and pulled open the heavy door, she realized that she'd taken one flight too many as the door opened into the entrance of the parking garage, rather than the hotel lobby. She was about to turn to head back up one flight when she heard a familiar voice.

"Okay, I'm here with the goods, just like you wanted," Jim Saarinan said to someone that she couldn't see.

Amanda crept closer ducking between cars to find him with his back to her, a large suitcase in hand and talking to a big galoot of a man that she didn't recognize. She shuddered slightly as she took in the menacing look on the man's face.

"Good, glad to see you haven't lost all your family pride," Rico Tonino replied smugly.

"Family pride? Hardly," Jim replied. "I hate my family and everything they stand for." He then tossed the suitcase at the other man's feet and said, "There, you've got what you wanted. Now, I want out just like you promised."

"You think it's that easy," the other man said as he snapped his fingers at which three other men of roughly equal size appeared behind him. "There's only one way you get out and that's when you're six feet under. We could certainly arrange that, though, couldn't we boys?" he said to which the others muttered words of agreement.

"Look, I told you that I never wanted any part of this to start with..." Jim protested as he began to back away. "Y-y-you should know that I've kept full records of all of our transactions that will be immediately sent to the feds should anything happen to me."

"Whaddya' think, Boys," Tonino said. "Do ya' thinks he's telling the truth? Should we be scared?"

Amanda gasped as she saw the four men facing Jim pull out guns training them on her ex-boyfriend. Tonino turned at the sound and Amanda realizing she was in trouble tried to make a hasty retreat, but was soon grabbed by two of the family enforcers shrieking and kicking wildly at them as she felt herself being lifted off the ground. "Let me go," she screamed as they dragged her toward Jim and Tonino.

"Amanda!' Jim cried at seeing her being manhandled.

"Your girl, huh?"Tonino said as he patted her face. Amanda flinched at his touch and drew back, but that wasn't much better as it only drew her closer to the thugs who held her arms. "She's a pretty one. It's be a shame to see something bad happen to her, wouldn't it?"

"Leave her alone! She's not part of this! This is between you and me," Jim said.

"No, this is between Mr. Cristiano and your poor ailing daddy. You've just the little boy playing at trying to fill daddy's shoes," Tonino said as he approached Jim and gripped his chin. "Now, you listen to me, you little weasel. Your daddy and Mr. Cristiano have had a good working relationship for years and there's no reason that should change just because he's not well. You hear me? Now, I could have my boys bounce you off the walls a little to make you see reason, but I think we'd get a lot further here by having a little fun with your girl instead." He shoved Jim away from him and approached Amanda again. "How 'bout it, Sugar," He said as he ran his hand down her face. "You up for a little fun? You sure look like you are," he added with a leer as he shifted his hand to her bare waist.

Amanda kicked out at him and spat out, "Take your hands off me,"

"Ooh, you're a wild one, aren't you?"

"The lady said take your hands off her," Lee's voice gruffly sounded from behind the Tonino's crew.

The startled thugs loosened their hold on Amanda enabling her to turn the direction of Lee's voice, surprised to see him with a pistol trained on the men who held her. Before her alcohol-blurred mind could fully register what was going on, the place soon became a mad house as agents swarmed the parking garage with shouts of "Nobody move!" and "Federal agents." Lee moved forward and quickly yanked her away from the goons who'd nabbed her dragging her to safety behind a parked car.

"God, Amanda, what the hell are you doing here?" Lee questioned, but before he could get an answer, the place erupted in a flurry of gunfire. "Stay down," he said as he rushed to join the fray, weapon drawn.

Amanda cringed as she peered through the windows of the parked car and saw what was happening. She then gaped in surprise as she saw Kelly lodge a solid right hook to the jaw of one of the thugs. "What the hell is going on here," she muttered. She watched as Lee was hit by two guys at once and disarmed. She had to figure out a way to help him. She crept cautiously to the driver's side door of the car and prayed she'd find it unlocked. Luck was on her side as the door handle gave under her hand, she quickly slipped inside and shut the door behind her as quickly as she could and rooted around to see if the owner had left the keys. When she came up empty, she swore, "Damn!' She then ducked her head down and reached for where she knew the ignition wires were. "Let's see if I remember how to do this," she said to herself. A few minutes later, she smiled in satisfaction as the engine roared to life. "A-ha!' she shouted in triumph as she quickly strapped herself in, put the car in gear and stomped on the accelerator, causing the goons to scatter giving the agents the edge they needed to win the fight.

Amanda's triumph was short-lived, however, as she crashed into another parked car. "Oof," she said as she was thrown against the steering wheel and the wind was knocked out of her. Thank God, she'd thought to put her seat belt on. She shook her head and had barely had time to get her bearings when a tap on the glass got her attention. She turned to find Kelly standing there holding up a badge and a gun pointed at her.

"Outta' the care with your hands up, nice and slowly," Kelly said all pretense of being the happy honeymooner gone. Now, she was all business. When Amanda gaped at her in surprise, she said, "Now! Move it!"

Amanda did as she was told, quickly scrambling from the car raising her hands in the air. She wasn't out of the car for more than a few seconds when she found herself pinned face first against it while the other woman handcuffed her and began to read her her rights.

"Saunders, what the hell do you think you're doing?" Lee shouted as he approached them.

"Back off, Stetson! This is my bust!" Kelly fired back. "Now, get back over there and help clean up this mess!"

Amanda glanced from one to the other as realization hit her that they were no longer speaking to each other as a husband and wife would. "What's going on here?" she asked in confusion.

"So, you wanna' give up your right to remain silent," Kelly sneered.

"Let her go, Saunders!'Lee demanded. "She has nothing to do with this! She was being used as a pawn for God's sake!"

"We'll determine that when we get her back to the agency. You know the protocol! She was on the scene and she needs to be questioned. For all we know, she could have been playing you for a dupe all this time! Now, move it before I'm forced to report to your boss that you tried to let a potential suspect get away!"

Lee ran a hand through his hair as he realized that she was right. He turned from her, retrieved his fallen weapon, and helped the other agents round up the remaining bad guys.

Four hours later, after spending three hours on a plane to get back to DC and another hour grilling Saarinan, Lee entered the observation room looking into the interrogation room that Amanda was being held in to find his section chief observing her being questioned by Agent Saunders.

"What'd you get from Saarinan?"Billy asked as he reached for the switch on the console to mute the sound coming from the next room so he could talk to Lee uninterrupted.

"A lot, actually. It seems that he's been playing along with his family's connections to the Cristiano family while trying to gather evidence against them to bring them down for good. I actually kind of feel bad for the guy. He despises his family and tried to get out, but when that didn't work he tried to work them from the inside."

"Do we have enough to bring down the whole crew," Billy questioned.

"I don't know yet. He gave me the location of his hidden stash of evidence. Fielder's on his way to retrieve it now. We'll know more once we get our hands on it." Lee glanced through the observation window at the distressed look on Amanda's face as Kelly grilled her. "What's going on in there?"

Billy couldn't help but notice the pained look on his agent's face as he looked in on the woman who was being interrogated. "Just a routine interrogation," Billy said with a slightly amused expression. The way Lee was looking at the woman, he couldn't help but wonder if she was the reason behind his behavior in his personal life.

"That doesn't look routine to me," Lee grumbled. "Look at how upset she is." He flipped the switch to hear what was making her that way. He'd never wanted her involved in any of this and if that shrew Saunders was hurting her in anyway, he wanted to know about it.

"Now, Mrs. King, one more time," the female DEA agent said in an icy tone. "Just what the hell were you doing in that parking garage?"

"I've already told you a hundred times," Amanda replied her raspy voice rising in exasperation. "I had a fight with my husband and was going to take a walk to cool off and I just went down one flight of stairs too many. That's it!"

"And you just happened to stumble into one of the biggest drug deals on the eastern seaboard? I don't buy it!"

"Look, I didn't know that that was what was going on. I just went through the wrong door, that's all!"

"If that's all it was, why didn't you turn around and go back the way you came?"

"I heard the voice of an old friend and in the mood I was in, I thought I could use a friend! I've answered all these questions already! Why do you keep asking them?"

"Until I'm satisfied with the answers!" Kelly fired back. "Now, you said he was an old friend, but he was more than a friend to you, wasn't he?"

"That is none of your damn business," Amanda said rising from her seat and staring the other woman down. "Look, my husband's a lawyer and you're violating my civil rights here! I should have been given the opportunity to make a phone call by now!"

"You'll get your phone call, but first I'm gonna' get my answers! Now, sit your ass back down!"

"No, I will not sit back down and I will _not_ answer these questions anymore! You've got your answers! You just don't want to believe that I'm telling the truth!"

"Billy, come on," Lee said impatiently as he watched Kelly getting Amanda more and more riled up. "Is this really necessary? I don't believe for a second that Amanda King is a threat to national security. I think she's telling the truth."

"You know her?"Billy asked with an arched eyebrow, knowing the answer but wanting to hear Lee confirm what he'd already figured out for himself, that his charge was crazy in love with the woman on the other side of the glass partition.

"You could say that," Lee said blushing slightly as the memories of the morning and how close he'd come to making love to her flooded through his mind. He found that he couldn't look his boss in the eye and turned his attention back to the interrogation.

"I'd like to believe that you're telling the truth here, Mrs. King," Saunders was saying. "The problem is that you've got a nasty little habit of lying, even to your husband." She then tossed a folder on the table in front of her. "I made a phone call to my office here in DC before we left South Carolina and asked them to dig up all the background information that I could on you. You'd be amazed what kind of stuff a federal ID can dig up in just the three hours that we were on the plane. You recognize that?"

Amanda opened the folder and blanched at what she found inside as she slowly sank back into her seat. "Medical records are supposed to be private," she said softly looking utterly defeated.

"Let's get one thing straight here, Mrs. King, _nothing's _private during the course of a federal investigation. Now, according to this, your husband is not the father of your older son. Lee Stetson is, isn't he?" Billy glanced at Lee who refused to look at him, but he didn't need to. He saw the look of pain on his face, of loss. That told him all he needed to know.

"You're not really his wife, are you?"Amanda said in a small voice as she'd noticed that she was no longer wearing a ring.

"I'm the one asking the questions here," Saunders snapped. "Now, tell me how I'm supposed to trust that you're telling me the truth about what happened tonight when you kept a secret like this from your own husband for three years?"

"That's enough, Billy! I've had enough of this bullshit!" Lee said as he marched resolutely into the next room before Billy could stop him. "Alright, Saunders, you've had your fun, but enough is enough! We've got enough from Saarinan to know that she wasn't involved in this mess, just like I told you! Now, I'm getting her out of here and back home to her family where she belongs." He gently pulled Amanda to her feet. "Oh, and Agent Saunders," he said as he reached into his pocket and pulled out the wedding band he'd been wearing during their assignment and flung it at her. "I want a divorce." He then turned and guided the mother of his son out of the room.

Amanda turned to him as they made it out into the hallway. She looked at him as if she'd never seen him before and said, "Who are you?"

"I'm sorry, Amanda, I can't tell you that," Lee answered as he gripped her arm urging her forward, nodding to the guard at the end of the hall. "Sorry about this too," he added as the guard then proceeded to blindfold her. "It's just until we get away from the building. We can't have you knowing where our location is." When the guard had finished his task, he then guided Amanda toward the elevator that would take them up to the ground floor, then gently nudged her inside.

"God, what is this all about?" she questioned in frustration.

"I can't tell you that either. It's classified."

"I demand to know what's going on here," Amanda said as she tugged at the blindfold.

"Uh-uh," he said capturing her hands in his as he saw what she was doing. "The blindfold stays on. I don't want to have to hurt you, but I will knock you out if you don't cooperate." He sighed in disgust at having to play the bully with her after she'd just been bullied by Agent Saunders. "I'm sorry that you got involved in all of this, but it's best if you just go home and forget any of this ever happened." He then reached to lower her head to prevent her from cracking it on the bar the coats hung on as he gently nudged her out into the Georgetown foyer then outside toward where he'd left his car before the undercover assignment had been started. Opening the passenger door and pushing her inside, closing the door behind her before making his way around to the driver's side, he then quickly started the his beloved Porsche and peeled out of the parking lot.

After they'd made it a couple of blocks, he said, "You can take that off now."

Amanda did so and was surprised to see that they were approaching the Key Bridge that would take her back home to Arlington. "Who are you?"She asked again deeply disturbed by all the mystery surrounding the night's events.

"I already told you that I can't tell you that. You already know that I work for the justice department and even that's more than you should know. What happened tonight, you can't talk about either, not to anyone."

"What the hell am I supposed to tell Joe about where I've been for the last four hours, especially when he's still in Hilton Head."

"No, he's not. I also made a phone call before we left and told him to get on a plane to DC because his wife was in trouble and his kids needed him home. He should already be at home by now. As for what you tell him, that's entirely up to you. You should be able to think of something. After all, as Agent Saunders pointed out, you lied to him for three years about me," Lee said bitterly.

"You've got a lot of room to talk about lying," Amanda fired back. "This whole weekend, you've been lying to me about being married to that horrible woman."

"Lying comes with the territory in this business," Lee said.

"What kind of business are you in exactly," Amanda said.

"As far as the outside world is concerned, I'm nothing but a documentary filmmaker. That's how you should start thinking of me too."

Amanda nodded and said, "Okay." She doubted anyone would believe her if she'd told them what happened anyway.

"Not that I'm not grateful, mind you. Your quick thinking really saved my ass tonight, but how'd you learn how to hotwire a care anyway," Lee asked.

Amanda chuckled and said, "Oh, that. I wasn't even sure I'd remember how to do it. I've only ever done it once in college my freshman year. It was during that Kappa's pledge week and one of the tasks they gave us was to prank somebody in administration, so a couple of the girls and I hotwired the dean's car, covered it in whipped cream and left it on the football field."

Lee couldn't help but laugh at that. "So, is that one of the skills you learned while you were dating Jim your freshman year? I'm sure given who his family is, that's something he'd no how to do."

"No, Barbie learned it from one of the guys she...um...dated."

"That's kind of a loose term for Barbie's relationships," Lee said commented. "Of course, everything about her is a little loose."

They rode in silence for a while, neither knowing quite what to say, the awkwardness of it finally broken as he pulled his car up in front of her house. "This is your stop," Lee said.

Amanda glanced at him and said, "Thanks for the ride," which sounded stupid as there was so much more that she wanted to say to him, but couldn't find the words. "I should...Uh..." she gestured to the house.

"Yeah," he said with a nod as he swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat at the thought of her going back to her husband. He wanted to say something, anything to stop her, but after the events of the night, seeing her in danger, he decided she was better off if he get as far away from her as possible. "Seeya," he said with a nod toward the house where her husband and just stepped out onto the porch with Phillip in his arms. Amanda quickly scrambled out of the car and he find he had to fight back tears that were forming in his eyes as he watched her greet her husband and son with a kiss, bitterly envying the man who had the life he so desperately wanted and couldn't have. Unable to watch any longer, he pulled away from the curb, tires squealing.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Alone in his office late that night, Billy Melrose perused the file Agent Saunders had flung at Amanda, deep in thought. "Amanda King, what did you do to him?" he said aloud deciding that he needed to do a little deeper digging on the woman who obviously still held Lee Stetson's heart in her hands.


	12. 1977-Part 1

**November 27, 1977, 3:00PM**

Amanda King busied herself filling plates with cake and ice cream for the birthday party guests with the help of her mother. They'd gotten into a good rhythm, Amanda cutting the cake and Dotty plopping scoops of her homemade ice cream beside each slice. "It's so wonderful that Joe was able to be home for Jamie's birthday," Dotty said then muttered under her breath, "for a change."

Amanda glanced toward the den at her husband who was on the floor with their not quite two-year-old son playing with him and the other tiny party guests as he tried to keep them under control. She then glared at her mother, knowing by the look on her face that she had something else to say. She looked at her expectantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. "Well, his birthday _party, _at least, " Dotty West continued. "Of course, Jamie's _actual_ birthday isn't until tomorrow and he'll be off again by then to God knows where."

"Mother, stop. He'll hear you," Amanda hissed as she glanced nervously into the next room.

"Oh, relax, Amanda. The children are making so much noise in there that he can't possibly hear anything else."

"Look, Mother, I know you don't like that Joe travels so much for work. You've made your feelings perfectly clear on that point, but that's just how it is and if I can accept it, then you should too. Besides, don't you think we ought to be grateful that he's here now for Jamie's party?"

"I suppose," Dotty said skeptically. "I would just like to see your husband be as dedicated a family man as your father has always been." She peered into the den and gestured at her husband roughhousing with Phillip. "I mean, look at him. He's even that way with the grandchildren and while we're on the subject, I haven't noticed Joe spending that much time with Phillip today."

"It's Jamie's birthday," Amanda said. "He's merely spending time with the birthday boy. Why is that such a bad thing?"

"Mm-hm," Dotty muttered. "And how much time has he spent with him on this trip home?" She couldn't believe that her daughter was still in such denial about her husband's feelings about Phillip. While he'd been a doting father for the first three years of his life, ever since finding out he was not, indeed his father, things had just...changed. How could Amanda who was usually so perceptive be so blind to that fact?

"Mother, he's been home for a full month. We took the boys trick or treating together on Halloween in their little Batman and Robin costumes and the whole time, he was holding Phillip's hand. Plus, you saw him at Thanksgiving, just three days ago and how good he was with helping Phillip cut up his ham when we were at your house. Things have been really good between him and me since he came home too."

"How good?" Dotty asked with a mischievous grin.

"Oh, Mother, really," Amanda said with an exasperated sigh.

"I'm just wondering if things are good enough between you that I may be getting a granddaughter sometime soon," she teased. When her daughter just rolled her eyes at her, she switched gears, "Though, I suppose that's really the last thing that you need. I mean, after all, your husband doesn't really help you look after the children that you already have."

"Mother, don't," Amanda said in a warning tone.

"Amanda, you can't intimidate me with the "mom" look. I'm _your_ mother, not the other way around and I perfected that look. I just can't help but wonder if your life would be different if you'd accepted Phillip's father's marriage proposal instead of Joe's. While things may be good between you two right now, how long is that going to last this time? I know you don't think I see what's going on, but I do and even when things are good between you and Joe, you still don't have the same passion for him that you do for your former lover."

"No, Mother, that's not true."

"So, you're telling me that Joe lights your fire the same way that your other man does?"

"He's not my _other_ man and I really wish you'd stop referring to him that way. I don't have any other man. Joe is the only man in my life and that's exactly the way that I want it. We're happy and I think we've finally recovered from this whole mess. As for Lee, I haven't seen him in over a year, since that disastrous weekend at Hilton Head last summer."

"You mean that disastrous weekend when he saved you from drowning?"

"Yes." Amanda cringed as she recalled the lie that she'd told her family about where she'd disappeared to and why Joe had gotten a call that she was in trouble. She caught her husband's eye across the room and smiled as the memories washed over both of them.

**July 4, 1976, 1:00AM**

_Amanda greeted her husband with a kiss as he stood in the doorway of their home with Phillip in his arms, before planting a kiss to her son's head. "Oh, God, Joe, I'm so glad to be home," she said as they entered the house together. "You would not believe what happened to me."_

_"I'm all ears," he said warily as he closed the front door. He'd seen the man in the fancy sports car who had dropped her off._

_"Let's get Phillip to bed first," Amanda said. "It's way past his bed time."_

_"Yeah, I know," Joe said. "But he woke up having a nightmare. I've just been trying to calm him down enough to get him back to sleep. I think now that you're home, he'll be able to sleep better." They walked up the stairs together toward Phillip's room. Joe put him in his bed while Amanda sat on the edge of it and kissed his cheek while she reflected on Lee's warning not to tell the truth about what had happened tonight and how she was going to come up with a reason for her disappearance. _

_"I missed you, Mommy," Phillip said. _

_"I missed you too, Sweetie," Amanda said with an affectionate smile. _

_Phillip yawned as he looked at his mother still dressed in her beachwear. "You go swimming?"_

_"A while ago, I just didn't change clothes yet," Amanda said and perked up as Phillip's question had given her an idea of how to get out of this without causing a larger rift between herself and her husband. After the day she'd had and the time they'd spent apart, and their screaming match, she wanted nothing more than to bridge the gap between them. "Now, I will tell you all about my trip in the morning and it's time for you to go to sleep."_

_"Okay, Mommy," Phillip said as he closed his eyes._

_Once the three-year-old had drifted off to sleep, she and Joe made their way down the hall to their own bedroom. As soon as they entered the room, Joe closed the door behind them with a loud thump and said, "So, how about telling me where you've been the last four hours?"_

_"Well, three hours of it was spent on a plane to come home," Amanda said. _

_"Where were you before that? With him?"Joe demanded, intense jealousy flaring at the man who'd just brought his wife home._

_"Yes, but not in the way that you think," Amanda said._

_"I don't think you want to know what I think. You didn't get what you wanted from me, so you went to him, didn't you? Did you think I forgot about that? Remember that night in the hospital? What he said? How you begged him to keep touching you, how you screamed out his name over and over again? Did you scream out his name again tonight? Tell me, Amanda, did you beg him to make love to you the way you did me, the way he said you did that night you were spent with him in college? "_

_"No, Joe, I didn't. I swear to you that I didn't," Amanda insisted which was technically the truth. She hadn't begged Lee to make love to her...tonight. She cringed as she thought of how she had done just that earlier in the day and how she'd have willingly given in to Lee and broken her marriage vows if not for the timing of Joe's phone call. She took a deep breath and began to weave the web of lies that she'd just concocted, grateful that her head was no longer dazed by alcohol. "I wanted to cool off after we had our fight, so I thought I'd go for a nice, relaxing swim."_

_Joe's expression turned from one of anger to one of concern and said, "After you'd been drinking? Don't you know how dangerous that is?"_

_"Yes, I do, but I wasn't thinking clearly. The liquor and our fight just had me all confused and all I could think about was just cooling off, but I got in trouble out there and nearly got carried out to sea when I got caught up in a nasty undertow." _

_"Oh my God, are you okay," he asked in concern as he tenderly caressed her face._

_"Yeah, I'm fine. Lee rescued me," she said. "And he was worried about me so, he insisted that I see a doctor. I spent an hour in the ER before they decided I was fit to go home." _

_"Was he there with you the whole time?"_

_"Yes, he was. Like I said, he wanted to make sure that I was okay."_

_"He's the one who called me at the hotel," Joe said bitterly. "Wasn't he?'_

_"Yes, I asked him to while the doctors were checking me out. After all that and the drama of our fight, I just wanted to come home and I asked him if he'd tell you to come home too, so we could be together," she said embellishing her tall tale to put all the pieces together in a way that made sense._

_"And he just agreed to that," Joe said. "I figured the last thing he'd want is for you to come home to me."_

_"Joe, don't," Amanda said hating lying to him, but she had promised Lee not to reveal the truth and she felt she owed it to him to keep that promise. "He rescued me tonight and brought me home to you." At least that part was true. He may not have rescued her from drowning, but, he'd rescued her from the thugs who would surely have hurt her if he hadn't intervened. She only wished that she had the courage to let him rescue her from the dreary like she'd made for herself, the way he had rescued her from the relentless woman who'd been grilling her and had given up the charade of pretending to be his wife. That thought caused her mind to drift to how she'd heard sounds that were unmistakably of the two of them having sex. What was that about, if they weren't married? Was she his girlfriend? Surely she wasn't, not with the way that they'd spoken to each other in the interrogation room. They didn't even seem to be friends. Were they just using each other for sex? That thought made her shudder. _

_"Yeah, I guess he did," Joe said as he wrapped his arms around her mistaking her shudder for one of fear. "I'm just glad you're okay and that you're home. I'm sorry I was such an ass."_

_"I'm sorry too," Amanda said. "I should never have made that crack about you passing the bar. I remember how hard you studied for that exam." She also vividly recalled how he'd neglected her needs during that time too and how the loneliness that has caused had led to her reckless encounter outside the hospital with Lee last winter. _

_"Look, I think we both said some things we didn't mean," Joe said as he lightly stroked her back. "The important thing is to move past it."_

_"Well, I did mean the part about how much I missed you," Amanda said as she snaked her arms around his neck and kissed him softly._

_"I missed you too," he said kissing her back. "And contrary to what you may think, I missed making love to you more than you know." He then shifted his lips to the tender pulse point at her neck that always got her excited. _

_"I missed it, too," she said sighing as her husband's lips assaulted her neck and his hands reached for the wrap at her waist, dropping it to the floor. _

_Joe pulled back, looked her in the eyes and said, "I love you."_

_"I love you, too," she said as she pulled him in for a deeper kiss, delighted when he responded eagerly by pulling her closer, his obvious erection pressing against her. She pressed against him; pushing him against the door as she fumbled with the zipper on the shorts he wore to free him from their constraints._

_"Oh, Amanda," Joe groaned as he felt her stroking him and made a move to get them closer to the bed._

_"No, Joe, here, now," Amanda insisted fixing him with a burning gaze, hoping he'd take the hint._

_Joe flipped them around, pressing her against the door as he deftly untied the strings that held her bikini top in place. He then lifted her up to straddle him while he did the same to the strings holding the bottom, fully exposing his wife's slender body. "God, you're beautiful," he croaked his voice deep with desire as he captured one nipple in his mouth._

_"Oh, Joe," she cried out as she wrapped her legs around him. "Oh, I need you." She then reached one hand between them keeping the other locked around his neck. She stroked him firmly and guided him into her causing him to groan._

_"Oh God" He moaned against her before raising his head to look at her thrusting up into her, "I love fucking you," he said knowing those words would spur her desire, as he captured her lips in a fiery kiss._

_Amanda looped her other arm around her husband's neck, kissing him back feverishly, moaning loudly as he pushed himself deep inside her, the words her husband had spoken bringing Lee's words back to the front of her mind. How he'd wanted her thinking about him while she let her husband fuck her senseless. God, how she wished she'd ignored the damn phone as Lee hadn't asked her to, then he'd be the one inside her now, he'd be the one with his hands tugging at her hips, his lips locked with hers. She tore her mouth from Joe's and gazed deeply into her husband's eyes to forcibly remind herself that it was Joe's arms she was in, Joe who was moving inside her making her feel this way. "I love you," she said as she leaned her head against his as he withdrew from her them slammed into her again harder. "Oh, yes," she cried out, unwittingly closing her eyes as he continued to drive into her bringing her closer to the edge. As she felt him continually pounding into her, she let out a primal cry as her mind once again drifted back to the man who could set her on fire with just a simple handshake, yet her own husband couldn't make her feel that fire even when he was inside her. "Please," she pleaded in a harsh raspy voice. "Please."_

_Knowing that he was close to losing it because it had been so long, and wanting to make sure that he took her with him, Joe reached between them to stroke his wife's center while he pushed up into her. Hearing her crying out her release and feeling her clenching around him brought on his own release even faster. He groaned loudly as he emptied himself into her, emptying himself of the jealousy he'd felt earlier just by knowing he was the one inside her making her climax. _

_"Oh, I love you, I love you, I love you," Amanda cried out as the tremors from her orgasm ripped through her. She opened her eyes to find him looking into her eyes as she felt him exploding within her, heard him calling out her name as he pumped his warm seed inside her. _

Amanda's thoughts were abruptly brought back to the present by the sound of her husband calling her father's name, not hers.

"Carl!" Joe King shouted as he rushed to his father-in-law's side causing Dotty and Amanda's heads both to turn that direction to see Carl West slumped on the floor clutching his chest. "Call an ambulance," Joe shouted as he tried to tend to the fallen man.

An hour later, after Mrs. Daley had helped clear out the party guests and offered to watch the boys, Amanda and Dotty were in the waiting room of the ER awaiting news of Carl West's condition, Dotty pacing frantically. Amanda looked at her and said, "Mother, I know you're worried about Daddy, but you're not going to do him any good by wearing a hole in the floor."

"I know, I know," Dotty said as she flopped wearily into the chair next to her feeling as if she'd aged ten years in the past hour. "I just wish that I knew what was going on."

"Dotty, don't you worry," Joe said. "He's strong. He's going to be just fine," Joe said as he entered the room with three cups of coffee, handing one to each of the ladies before sitting beside his wife.

"Where'd you disappear to," Amanda asked. "You were gone an awfully long time just to get coffee."

"I've been on the phone with Mr. Foster trying to get out of this trip tonight," Joe said with a depressed sigh as he hung his head. He avoided making eye contact with his wife, knowing what she'd say when he delivered his news and he didn't want to fight with her again, not when things had been so good between them lately.

Not liking the way he was behaving, Amanda hesitantly asked, "Well...Mr...Uh...Foster. What did he say?" knowing the answer before she asked feeling her disappointment in her husband building again as her mother's words about his dedication to his family came back to haunt her.

"He...Uh...said..." Joe hesitated knowing that as soon as he answered all hell would break loose between him and his stubborn, fiery wife.

"Joe, Sweetheart, just tell me what he said. I mean, surely, he's not going to make you leave the country now. Not when we're in the middle of a family emergency," Amanda said her voice rising as was her panic level. She needed him here now more than ever.

Joe took a sip from his coffee cup, swallowing hard, slightly burning his throat in the process. He rose from his seat and began pacing "He said that if I'm not on the plane to Yemen at seven, then I can just forget having a job to go back to."

"What?"Amanda cried. "Oh, Joe, you can't, not now. I need you here."

"I'm sorry, Amanda, really," Joe said guiltily. "I tried to get out of it. I really did, but Mr. Foster was adamant that I'm needed there."

"But why? There's been unrest there for at least fifteen years. Isn't that kind of dangerous for you? Why would they need a lawyer there, of all places? I mean civil war could break out there at any time."

"That's exactly why they need a lawyer," Joe explained. "I don't know how closely you've been following the politics there, but they've been talking about unification for the past five years. They feel that someone with some legal experience can help with the negotiations and get them closer to unifying the two states. Amanda, I don't like this any better than you do, but if I can be even a small part of helping to bring peace to a warring nation, I feel that's something worth doing."

Dotty, who'd been silent up to this point, rose abruptly from her seat and snapped, "You didn't' try very hard to get out of this assignment, did you?" her eyes flaring. "Did you hear yourself just now? Trying to pretend that it's such a hardship for you, then in the same breath talking about how great it would be to bring about peace! This is all about your ego, plain and simple. You want to feel like a big, strapping hero, great! What you don't seem to realize is that a man doesn't have to travel the world to be a hero. You have every day heroes right here in the United States, who are heroes to their families and loved ones just by being around and doing what a responsible family man should do. Sure, there names don't make the papers or save the world, but that doesn't make them any less heroes. Why don't you start with being a hero to your own family instead of strangers or are you just too damned selfish for that?"

"Mother!'Amanda said at her mother's tirade.

"NO, Amanda," Dotty snapped. "I'm tired of tiptoeing around this situation and trying to pretend that everything's fine when we all know that this supposedly happy marriage is just a hairsbreadth away from falling apart. You two can try to pretend all that you want that you're giving each other what you need, and bury your heads in the sand, but I won't! Not anymore!"

"Mother, please," Amanda pleaded.

"Amanda Jean, you have no idea how hard it's been for me to see the pain you're in. Do you think that I'm stupid, that I can't see what's going on right in front of my-"

"Mrs West," a voice behind her said cutting off her rant.

"Yes," she said as she turned to the voice to find a nurse standing behind her expectantly. "How is he?"

"He's had a mild heart attack, but he's stable," the nurse answered. "You can see him now."

"Oh, thank you," Dotty said as she followed the nurse, leaving Joe and Amanda alone.

"Joe, please, please don't go," Amanda pleaded with her husband. "At least not until I know that he's going to be okay. Couldn't you talk Mr. Foster into letting you take a later flight?"

"Amanda, I can't. I have to go," Joe said. "Besides, you heard the nurse. She said that he's stable and there's nothing that I can do for him that the doctors here can't do better."

"It's not about what you can do for him. This is about what I need you to do for me," Amanda said. "I need your support here. Why can't you understand that?"

"Why can't you understand that I'm needed elsewhere?"

"Why can't you understand that you're needed _here_?" Amanda fired back.

"God, your mother had a lot of nerve calling me selfish," Joe said. "She oughtta' take a look at her own daughter."

"What? How is it selfish for me to want my husband here with me for support when my father may die?"

"Oh, for God's sake, Amanda, don't be so melodramatic. They said he's stable, for crying out loud," Joe said. Why couldn't she understand that he had a job to do and that there were people in far worse shape?

"Stable? Stable, did you say?"Amanda said incredulously. "That's not exactly a glowing report of good health. Don't you remember what happened to Phillip a couple of years ago? They said he was stable, and then he took a sudden downturn when his fever spiked and he had trouble breathing and that's when we found out he was allergic to Penicillin."

"Oh yes, Amanda, I remember that all too well," he spat at her. "In fact, I seem to recall pretty vividly that he inherited that allergy from his _real_ father!"

"You're his real father in every way that counts," Amanda countered.

"No, Amanda, I'm not. He may have my name, but that's it," Joe said sadly. "Look, I have to get home and finish packing before my flight leaves. I'll take a cab home and another one to the airport so you can stay here with your dad."

"Joe, don't, please," Amanda begged one more time, the tears she'd been holding back now sliding down her face.

"It's done, Amanda, there's no use arguing about it anymore. I have to go. I'll call you when I land," Joe said planting a quick kiss to her lips as he marched out the door.

Amanda sighed in frustration throwing herself back into her chair, burying her face in her hands and giving into the sobs she'd been trying to hold back, her body trembling with the force of them. _Why is this happening,_ she thought trying to figure out what was wrong with her that she wasn't enough to keep her husband home, especially at a time like this when she needed him so. Her melancholy was disrupted by loud shouts from an all-too-familiar voice coming from behind the reception desk.

"Forget it, Billy!" Lee shouted as Amanda looked up to see Lee limping painfully toward the waiting area to get to the doors and hear him add. "I'm getting the hell away from these butchers!"

"Stetson, you get your ass back there in that bed right now!" Billy Melrose shouted. "That's an order!

Lee turned on his boss and said, "This may have escaped your notice, but I don't take to well to being given orders!"

"Scarecrow, the doctor said you need to stay off that injured knee for the next three days and that's exactly what you're going to do if I have to hog-tie you to make that happen!"Billy fired back. "Now, you are _going_ to stay here and you _will _stop making these people crazy or I will write you up for gross insubordination!

"NO! It's not gonna' happen. Write me up if you have to, but I'm leaving!" Lee then turned, stumbling slightly as he again attempted to leave.

Amanda had watched this whole scene and could see that despite his protests, Lee was in some severe pain. She scrambled out of her seat, stopped him with a hand on his chest, and said, "You really should listen to your friend. You're obviously hurt."

"It's not that bad, really," Lee said smiling through the pain. The worse pain was in seeing the remnants of tears on Amanda's face. "And he's not my friend," He added with a piercing glare at Billy.

"You should listen to Mrs. King," Billy said as he approached the pair noticing that his stubborn, reckless charge had softened a little at being face to face with the mother of his child again.

Amanda surprised as hearing the other man use her name looked at him and said, "I'm sorry. Do I know you?"

"We've never met, but I know who you are, Mrs. King," Billy said. "I'm William Melrose," he introduced himself as he extended a hand to her. "I'm his supervisor."

Amanda hesitantly shook Billy's hand, then said, "Okay, but _how_ do you know who I am?"

"I was observing your questioning during that incident you got involved in last summer," Billy answered succinctly, but didn't volunteer any more information than that. He knew more about her than probably even Lee did after all the research he'd done on her. He knew where she went to school, where she grew up, with whom she interacted with on a daily basis, that she was trapped in an unfulfilling marriage. Most importantly, he knew that not only was she the mother of Lee's child, but that she was the only woman that his wayward agent had ever truly opened his heart to and that that fact gave her influence over him that no one else had.

"Oh," she said in dismay, blushing slightly, as she realized that must mean that he also knew that they had a history as that vile Agent Saunders had bluntly thrown in her face that Lee was Phillip's father.

Lee ignoring the conversation at hand and solely focused on Amanda's obvious emotional distress, said, "You've been crying," as he made a move to wipe a stray tear from her cheek with his thumb while caressing her face with his hand. "You and your Prince Charming have another fight?"

Amanda abruptly pulled back from Lee's touch as though scalded, "No," she lied not wanting to give him the satisfaction of knowing that her marriage was on the brink of falling apart. She began nervously wringing her hands and said, "My...uh...my father's here. He..." she swallowed hard. "...he...he had...had a heart attack."

"Oh my God," Lee said in concern, not only for Amanda, but for her father as he had treated him in a very fatherly manner two years ago, even though he'd just met him and had been shocked to find out that he'd been his daughter's lover. "Is he okay?"

"They said he's stable," Amanda answered. "My mother's in there with him now." She nodded toward the double doors behind the reception desk.

"Which is where you should be," Billy said as he tugged on Lee's arm. "Mrs. King, would you mind giving me a hand in getting this bull-headed man off his feet?"

"Billy..."Lee grumbled.

"No, he's right," Amanda said with a nod toward brace on his leg. "You're obviously injured and you should follow the doctor's orders."

Seeing that he was out-numbered and spending so much time standing on his injured knee having taken its toll, he finally conceded. "Fine," he groused as Amanda linked her arm with his free one and she and Billy together led him back through the double doors where and orderly helped in getting him settled back into bed.

"Now, we should be moving you to your own room soon," the orderly said. "So, just relax until then."

"Easy for you to say," Lee muttered.

"I...Uh...I should let you rest," Amanda said feeling increasingly uncomfortable in his presence The gentle pressure of his hand on her face, wiping away her tears had unnerved her as it brought back all the feelings that she'd tried so hard for the past year and half to tell herself that she didn't feel. She quickly made her escape to avoid any further reminders of the intense attraction she felt to him, leaving Billy staring curiously after her, wondering what it would take for her to realize just how wrong her marriage to Joe King was when it was clear she didn't feel for him a tenth of what she did for Lee.


	13. 1977-Part 2

Amanda couldn't get away from the cubicle that Lee was housed in fast enough. How could such a simple touch, a comforting touch, stir such a fire within her? She'd completely understood it the last two times she'd been in Lee's presence as she'd gone so long without physical contact from her husband, but now, what was her excuse now? Joe have been home for a solid month and there had most definitely been physical contact. They'd just made love the night before, for crying out loud. In fact, they'd made love through most of the night, knowing that it was going to be their last night together for a while since he was leaving the country again after Jamie's party.

The thoughts of her husband made her anger flare again. How could he do this to her? How could he be so callous, so selfish, yet accuse her of being selfish? How could he say he loved her, yet not see how much she was hurting, how worried she was, and how very much she needed him? Lee, on the other hand, he had taken one look at her, had known instantly that she was in distress, that she needed comfort, and had tried to give her that comfort in spite of being in pain himself. She was so lost in her thoughts of both men that she nearly ran headlong into the same nurse who'd retrieved her mother.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Amanda said apologetically. "I...uh...I was lost in thought and I didn't see you."

"I completely understand," the nurse said. "I'm glad you're here actually. I was coming to find you anyway. Your father is asking for you. If you'll follow me, please."

Amanda nodded and followed, entering a cubicle two down from Lee's to find her mother sitting there holding her father's hand in hers.

"My beautiful Dorothea," Carl West said as he reached up with his free hand to caress her mother's face, "Don't you worry for me. You can't get rid of me that easily."

Amanda smiled remembering that Dorothea was her father's pet name for her mother. A pang of melancholy hit her at seeing the deep, abiding love still existing between the two of them and realized just how much she wished she had that in her own marriage.

"Carl David West, don't you ever scare me like that again," Dotty scolded light-heartedly. "You promised me forever and I'm going to hold you to that."

_Forever, _Amanda thought sadly at the thought that she wasn't going to have that with Joe as she nervously twisted the rings on her left hand. She'd tried to convince herself that Joe would grow up and get over his wanderlust, that he'd settle down and be the family man that he should be, that if she kept a warm, inviting home for him, he'd long to return to its comforts after having nothing remotely resembling a home in his travels. The more he travelled though, the more she realized that instead of their home becoming his comfort and his escape from the trials of his job, it had become the opposite. His job had become his escape from a life that he didn't really want. _A child he didn't really want, _Amanda thought as her mind drifted to four-year-old son. Poor Phillip had no idea that the father he knew didn't want to be around him and the father who did want to be with him had been kept away from him by her fear of her feelings for Lee.

Once again, Amanda's thoughts were interrupted, this time by her father's voice, using her parents' pet name for her.

"Panda," Carl West said softly.

"Hi, Daddy," Amanda said as she approached the bed.

"I'll just leave you two alone to talk," Dotty said as she released her husband's hands, kissed him softly then rose to make room for her daughter.

"Mother, you don't have to leave. There's plenty of room for both of us," Amanda said.

"Yes, I do need to leave. Your father wishes to speak to you in private," Dotty said. "I could use some more coffee anyway." Dotty then turned to her husband and said, "Carl, my darling, remember what the doctor said. Don't get yourself worked up again."

Carl nodded and after his wife had exited, patted the space on the bed that she'd just vacated. Amanda said and said, "How are you feeling, Daddy?"

"I feel as if I've had a heart attack," He said. "They're going to be moving me to my own room soon and they've got me set up for bypass surgery first thing tomorrow morning."

"Oh," Amanda said sadly as she looked down at her hands, then looked up again, startled when her father abruptly grabbed her left hand.

"I don't want to talk about how I am. You can get all that information from the doctors. I wanted to speak to you alone to talk to you about how you are," He said as he fingered the rings on her hand. "You're not happy, Panda."

Amanda forced a smile and said, "No, Daddy, I am," not wanting to add any additional stress to her ailing father as she knew that stress could bring on the onset of another heart attack.

"You were always a bad liar," Her father said. "I'm your father. I've known you since the day you were born. Do you think that I can't see when you're unhappy, see that you've been unhappy for at least two years? Now, don't lie to me anymore."

"You're right," Amanda admitted with a soft sigh.

Carl took a deep breath and said, "I'm afraid that I'm partially to blame for your unhappiness."

"No, Daddy, you're not."

"In a way, I am," he said. He paused for a moment and said, "Your mother tells me that Joe's run off again. Is that true?"

Amanda nodded and said, "But I don't think it's really running off. I mean, he has a job to do."

"Nonsense. Since when should a man's job come before caring for his family?" before Amanda could answer, he continued, "This is where I'm partially to blame. I knew five years ago that you shouldn't have married Joseph King. I knew that he was far too immature to prepare for family life and as your father, I should have put my foot down and put a stop to it. I should have insisted that you wait until he'd finished school to see if you still felt the same way. I never thought I'd say this about that man, but Joe was right five years ago. You may have been hurt by him asking to postpone your wedding plans, but it was the right thing to do."

"No, Daddy," Amanda protested unable to believe that she was hearing these words from her own father.

"Yes, Amanda," He said firmly. "The fact that he had to be faced with the idea of losing you to say "I do" is proof that he never had the right kind of love for you to make a marriage last. The fact that you so easily fell into another man's arms after feuding with him tells me very clearly that you never had the right kind of love for him either. There's another way that I'm to blame for your unhappiness. I never told you this, but two years ago when I met Phillip's real father, I had a long man-to-man talk with him. I told him to go away and leave you and Joe at peace to try to mend your differences. I told him it was too late for him because you were a married woman now and I believe in the sanctity of marriage. Foolishly, I believed that you and Joe should try to work things out, that you _could_ work things out, but I see now that Joe doesn't have the strength or the courage to forgive and forget."

"You think that he still hasn't forgiven me? Is that what you're saying?"Amanda questioned.

"It's as plain as day. I wish to God, I'd known about your love affair with this other man five years ago. If I had, I'd have made damn sure that I stopped your wedding to Joe."

"I don't know that that would have been the best thing either," Amanda replied. "I mean, I didn't know it at the time, but I was already carrying Phillip."

"Looking back on it now, I think it would have been far better to have my grandchild born out of wedlock than to see him in pain all the time."

"He's not. Phillip's just fine," Amanda said.

"No, he's not," Carl said. "He may be only four, but he sees that his would-be father cares more for his little brother than he does for him. When I was playing with him today, he even asked my why daddy doesn't love him as much as he does Jamie."

"No," Amanda said in horror.

"Yes, Amanda, he did," Carl confirmed.

"You...um...you didn't tell him...about..."

"Of course not," Carl said. "I lied. God help me, I lied to that precious little boy and told him his daddy loves him. I suppose, though, it's not technically a lie since his real father _does_ love him. You should give him a chance."

"Daddy," Amanda gasped her eyes widening in shock.

"Oh, don't give me that look, Amanda. I'm not saying that you should invite the man into your bed. Regardless of how unhappy you are with Joe, I can't condone you committing adultery. All I'm saying is that you should give him a chance to be a real father to his child. As a father, I can't imagine how hard it must be on him to know that he has a child and not being able to be a part of his life."

"Daddy, I can't. I...I..." her voice trailed off and she blushed furiously as her thoughts were taking her places that she didn't want to go.

Carl gave her a knowing look and said, "Perhaps, you've already committed adultery."

"No, Daddy...No...not really," Amanda said guiltily as her mind travelled back to that weekend at Hilton Head, alone with Lee in the hotel room bed that she should have been sharing with her husband, how she'd allowed him to touch her, had begun undressing him and worse, how she'd pleaded with him to make love to her.

"Not really? What does that mean? Either you did or you didn't. Have you been seeing him behind your husband's back? What there more to your harrowing tale of nearly drowning than you told us?"

"No, I haven't been seeing him, not intentionally. I...I...just keep running into him by chance. He...uh...I think he lives in DC somewhere since he works for the Department of Justice."

"Maybe it's not chance. Maybe it's fate's way of trying to tell you the same thing that I am."

"Whether it is or it isn't, it doesn't matter. I...can't let him be a part of Phillip's life. If I did, that would mean, he'd have to be a part of my life and I...I can't. I...I...can't trust myself when I'm around him."

Carl West's eyes narrowed at her confession and said, "I see. So, you haven't actually committed adultery with him, but you've thought about it or at least toyed with the idea of it. That's as bad as committing the act itself."

Amanda closed her eyes to fight the tears forming in her eyes, feeling thoroughly ashamed of herself for her tawdry behavior with Lee. Her mother's words to her of two years ago running through her head as she'd told her that while she may not have physically cheated on Joe, she had in her heart. "I...I don't know what to call it, Daddy. All I know is that Lee...He...I don't know...He stirs something in me that Joe doesn't. I...I keep trying to fight it and the harder, I try, the worse it gets."

"That should tell you something," her father said pointedly.

"What? What is it you think that should tell me?"

"That you belong with this other man, not Joe."

"You can't be serious," Amanda said. "You just said yourself that you can't condone me committing adultery."

"And I stand by that. What I'm saying is that you should cut Joe loose, let him have the freedom that he obviously wants; give yourself some peace and a chance at real happiness. That kind of happiness you deserve. You're a good girl, my little Panda; you've just made some mistakes."

"Why are you telling me all of this now? Why not two years ago, or five years ago?"

"Well, when a man is faced with death..."

"Daddy, no," Amanda said as she clutched her father's hand. "Don't talk like that. You're going to be just fine."

"I may not. They tell me that this is a risky surgery, that my heart is weak, that there's a chance I might not make it through this surgery. As I was saying, when a man is faced with death, he begins to take a hard look at his life and the mistakes he's made in it. The biggest mistake that I ever made is in telling you young lover to go away and telling him to stop fighting for you. I never should have done that. The only other time in my life that I've ever seen a man so in love with a woman is when I've looked in the mirror, but I chased him off because I felt it was the right thing to do for you. I felt you should have the chance to repair the damage to your marriage, but the longer this goes on, the more damage there is being done. It's not just to you and Joe either, but your children. Jamie's too young to understand that his dad's not around enough as he should be, but Phillip's not. He's old enough that he's starting to see it now. Whether you end up with this man in the future or not, you should seriously think about what this is doing to your children."

"You're saying I should leave Joe," Amanda said gaping at her father.

"Amanda, my dear, there's nothing to leave when he's already left you. Please, make your dying father happy by promising me that you'll do whatever it takes to make yourself happy."

Before Amanda could reply, the nurse re-entered the room with and orderly saying, "Sorry to cut your visit short, but we need to get him up to his own room now."

Amanda nodded, kissed her father's cheek and rose to leave, but was stopped very briefly by her father's voice. "Remember what I said, Panda."

Amanda, unable to look at her father again and see his intense scrutiny, hastily exited and made her way toward the double doors only to nearly crash into someone again, this time Billy Melrose.

"Well, hello, Mrs. King," Billy said amusement dancing in his eyes. "Nice running into you again so soon."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr...Melrose," Amanda said. "I...uh...I was just distracted."

"I understand," Billy said with a sympathetic nod. "How is your father?"

"He's...uh...stable...but he...uh...he has to have bypass surgery," Amanda said, biting down on her lower lip trying not to dwell on the fact that her father just told her that he might not make it through the surgery. "That...Uh...that's why I was so distracted," she said her thoughts in turmoil, worried about her father's health, however, her distraction had more to do with the her father telling her that his dying wish was for her to end her farce of a marriage.

"Well, perhaps you could use a distraction from worrying about your father," Billy said with a nod toward the cubicle that Lee was currently housed in. "I'm afraid that I have to go back to the office and won't be able to keep my wayward charge here where he belongs. Is there a chance that I could ask for your assistance in keeping an eye on him, at least until they get him into his own room? You seem to have a little influence over him that I'm afraid that I just don't." He smiled a knowing smile at her.

"I...uh...I don't think that would be a very good idea," Amanda said. "If you heard that awful woman questioning me, then you know..." she found that she couldn't complete that thought and blushed furiously.

"That your husband is not the father of your oldest child," Billy completed for her with a nod. "Yes, I know. I hadn't planned to bring it up as I wanted to spare you any embarrassment."

"It's...uh...it's not exactly embarrassment. It's...more like...It's...Things are just awkward when lee and I are together," She stammered and attempted to make her way past him.

Billy stopped her with a gentle hand on her arm, "Please, Mrs. King, it's for his own good. I'm worried about what he'll do if left to his own devices. I mean, surely you saw how determined he was to leave here against doctor's orders. You wouldn't want him taking any unnecessary risks with his health, would you?" Billy said knowingly.

"No, of course not. I wouldn't want that," Amanda said, not wanting to see two men she loved risking their health. _Where did that come from? Is Daddy right? Is Mother? Is it Lee that I really love? _She'd tried to convince herself that what she felt for Lee was just an intense sexual attraction, but could there be something more to it? Either way, she didn't' want to see him hurt. That was part of why she'd taken the risk she had last summer with hot-wiring that car to get the members of the drug cartel to scatter. "I'll help."

"Good. You know, Lee told me what you did for him to save his life last summer. It seems you have a good head on your shoulders," Billy said with a warm smile. "I knew I could count on you." He then made his exit without giving her a chance to respond.

Amanda took a deep breath, bracing herself for what may come once she was on the other side of the curtain. "Just do it, Amanda," she muttered as she forced herself to slip through the curtain and gasped as she did so. There in front of her, was Lee's bare bottom peeking out of the almost-backless hospital gown as he struggled on his bad knee pull his boxers on.

Lee half-turned at hearing her behind him and with an impish grin said, "See something you like?"

Amanda rolled her eyes and in an effort to change the subject and put a damper on the slow burning desire within her, she said, "You're supposed to be in bed."

"I don't need to be in bed. I just had a run-in with a goon who got in a good lick at my old football injury," Lee complained.

"All the more reason you should be in bed and keep your weight off of it," Amanda said as she pushed him firmly toward the bed.

Lee, on his injured knee didn't have enough strength to fight her, but determined not to let her win entirely grasped her wais as he fell, pulling her with him as he landed sideways across the bed with her sprawled above him. "Oof," he said with a groan as the wind was knocked out of him. At seeing how they'd landed, he couldn't help but grin, "You know, staying in bed may not be such a bad idea," He said then lowered his voice as he grasped the back of her head, tangled his fingers through her hair, pulled her close and whispered low in her ear, "Not if you're in it with me."

Amanda whimpered slightly as the low growl of Lee's voice washed over her like the ocean's waves, pulling her into an undertow that she couldn't control as his lips found the tender pulse point at her neck, one hand sliding up her leg to her thigh as the awkward position she'd landed in had caused her skirt to bunch up. "Oh," she sighed at the contact. Why couldn't she control herself when he touched her? She'd just begged her husband to stay with her and now she was once again on the verge of begging for this man who set her on fire the way that Joe never could. Her father's words rang in her ears at the thought of her husband; _I can't condone you committing adultery. _Amanda abruptly wrenched herself free from Lee's grasp, standing and hastily straightening her skirt. "Stop," Amanda said.

"Funny," Lee said as he sat up and pulled himself the right way in the bed propping hid head against the pillows. "You didn't want me to stop last summer."

"That...uh...that was a mistake. I...uh...I was just lonely. Joe had been gone for a long time and...I..."

"...you were horny," Lee completed with an icy look. "He was gone and I wasn't and you thought you'd use me again for a quick fix. I get it."

"Lee, that's not what that was about," Amana argued. _You want me when you're pissed at him, _Lee's words from two years ago sounded in her head, that's what it had really been about, she tried to convince herself. She'd been mad at Joe for not coming home when he'd promised, not being there for the whole weekend with her. If he had been, she'd never have gotten that close to giving herself to Lee again.

"The hell it wasn't," Lee said. "You wanted to get a little and you know that I'm an easy target, that I can't say no to you, because I'm so crazy about you that I can't see straight when I'm around you. I can't think of anything but you."

"Oh? Then explain to me what you were doing with that Agent Saunders?"Amanda demanded not liking at all the jealous tone in her voice, "the one who was pretending to be your wife?"

"What are you talking about?" Lee asked worriedly.

"Oh, come on, Lee, I was in the next room and I heard you...I mean, I heard _everything_."

"Jealous?"He fired back with a mischievous glint in his eye.

"NO," Amanda said more forcefully than she meant to. "I mean, why should I be jealous? I have no reason to be. Unlike you and your pretend marriage, mine is real." She really wished that were true, but the more she thought about it, the more she realized that if her marriage were real, her husband would be with her right now, instead of on his way to catch a plane to take him miles away from her again. She'd gone too far to stop now though. "I think you're just a hypocrite. You get mad at me for sleeping with my husband, something that I have every right to do, but you slept with a woman that you obviously care nothing about."

"You do have every right to sleep with your husband, true, but I'm single. That means, I have every right to sleep with whoever I want, whenever I want, as long as the woman is willing and trust me, that little firecracker was perfectly willing."

"I'm just saying, if what you're saying were really true and you can't stop thinking of me, then you shouldn't be thinking about sleeping with anyone else," Amanda said pointedly, not willing to admit that him having sex with that woman while she listened on the other side of the wall had hurt her more than she could stand.

"Oh, but it's okay for you to flaunt your facade of a marriage in front of me," Lee said with a shake of his head. "Face it, Amanda; while you may be married on paper, your marriage is every bit as fake as mine was. If it were an actual real marriage, you wouldn't have been begging for me that day." Lee sighed and said, "You know what? It doesn't matter anymore. I won't be begging for you anymore. I can't. it's too hard." He paused, and then said, "What are you doing in here, anyway?"

"Your...uh...your boss asked me to keep an eye on you," Amanda answered.

Lee nodded and smiled slightly. "That's Billy," he said. "He doesn't trust me to stay put."

"Should he?" I mean, if I hadn't come in here, you'd have been on your way to the door again. That's not a very wise thing to do in your condition."

"Look, I hate hospitals, okay?"

"You need care," Amanda said.

"I can take care of myself," he argued. "I've been doing it for a long damn time now."

"You weren't taking very good care of yourself when I walked in here," Amanda said with a slight blush as she recalled her view of his bare butt, which had brought back vivid memories of how she'd groped that taut bottom in the throes of passion while he'd been making love to her in their younger days. She shook off that memory and added, "In fact, you looked like you were about to fall over." To distract herself from her wayward thoughts she bent to retrieve his fallen boxers, flushing slightly at the memory of seeing him without them, as she neatly folded them and set them aside. "When did you get injured playing football, anyway/ i don't remember you missing any time during the season when we were in school due to an injury."

"It was before UVA," Lee answered, "When I was at Georgetown for a semester, my junior year. That doesn't matter though." He patted the side of the bed. When Amanda looked at him warily, he said, "Come on, Amanda, sit down. I promise to behave myself. Besides, I don't think I'm in much shape to really do much of anything, anyway."

"Oh, so you admit that you need help," Amanda said with a smirk as she sat gingerly on the edge of the bed.

"Yes, okay, my knee is killing me, but that doesn't mean that I don't still hate hospitals. Enough about me, though. That isn't why you're here. How's your dad?"

"He's...uh...I don't know...He has to have bypass surgery in the morning and he said..." at the thought of her father saying that he might not make it, she dissolved into tears again.

Lee's hear broke at seeing her so distraught and pulled her to him, this time in an embrace of comfort, not of passion. He held her to him, letting her cry out all her worry and frustration until she had no more tears to cry and just sniffled softly into his chest, her warmth pressed against him, comforting to him even as he attempted to comfort her. "Shhh," he said as he held her tightly and lightly stroked her back. "It's gonna' be okay, your dad's tough. He's gonna' make it."

Amanda pulled back and looked at him with still-watery eyes, sniffed and said, "I wish I knew that for sure."

"Hey, aren't you the one who's always optimistic?" Lee said. He knew she was foolishly optimistic when it came to the idea of making her obviously unfulfilling marriage last. "Just have a little faith." He thought briefly of her calling him a hypocrite and realized as he was saying the words, just how big a hypocrite he was as he didn't have faith in anything. He'd lost too many people in his life, his mom and dad, Dorothy and their unborn child. With a sharp stab of pain, he mentally added Amanda and Phillip to that list. "So...uh...where are the kids while you're here? Home with...uh...Joe?"

"No, Joe's...Joe has to leave town for work," Amanda said. "The boys are with a neighbor."

"Great," Lee said in irritation as he released her. "That's just great. So, not only is your _wonderful _husband not here to support you when you need him, but this _great guy_, that you think is such a better father to our son than me, isn't there for him either! He's just leaving him to be looked after by strangers?"

"Mrs. Daley isn't a stranger. She's our neighbor and she had children around their ages for the boys to play with to keep them occupied. She and her kids were at the house for Jamie's birthday party when my father had his attack. She volunteered to keep the boys so that I'd have one less thing to worry about. She's really a great neighbor and a good friend."

"How nice for her, but what about your husband? Why isn't he as generous? He should be right here by your side, instead, you're turning to me for comfort because, guess what? Once again, he's not giving you what you need. Why can't you-" He stopped himself abruptly. _No_, he thought as he realized that he was on the verge of asking her to leave her husband again, to give him a chance again and he swore he wouldn't beg for her ever again. She made her bed, let her lie in it, no matter how empty it may be.

"Mr. Stetson," an orderly said as he entered the room pushing a wheelchair. "We've got your room ready."

"I...Uh...I should go," Amanda said. "They probably have my dad in his room now and I should really check on him and on my mother."

"Yeah," Lee said.

"So...Uh...Thanks," Amanda said grateful for the momentary respite from her worry that she'd felt in his arms. Before her conflicted emotions could get the best of her again, she quickly made her way out of the room. She knew that Lee was right, that Joe should be here with her or at least be looking after the boys while she was there. Her mind a jumble, she made her way out of the ER bay and to the reception desk to find out what room her dad was in, while she thought of the events since she'd arrived. Lee, not once, but twice had now given her solace from her worry, while her own husband had bolted, leaving her to deal with it alone. She thought of her father's words to her about making herself happy, Lee's of how she'd treated Joe as the better father, then back to her father's of Phillip asking him why his daddy didn't love him as much as he did Jamie. The turmoil she felt coursed through her as she pondered what to do and if she should seriously consider ending her marriage.


End file.
